Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
Mackie has been with Noah for a few days.
It was obvious they needed it, so I didn’t mind, but as we walk hand in hand toward my house, I’m happy.
I missed him a lot. I try not to think about what they did together.
Their relationship is separate from ours.
Yeah, it’s a learning curve, but when he looks at me and smirks like I’m his entire world, nothing else matters.
It’s Sunday, so we plan to have a lazy day and just spend it together. We went to the grocery store this morning on a date and bought some baking stuff, and I’m excited to have Mackie fill my house with his happiness and energy.
“What are you going to make me?” he teases as he swings our joined hands.
“Hmm, it depends. Are you going to behave?” He laughs as he nudges me away, making me grin. When I look up, my smile fades and my heart skips a beat when I see them.
I freeze, guilt swallowing me, along with panic, as I stare at the couple standing in front of my door. “Mr. Davidson, Mrs. Davidson,” I whisper.
Mackie whirls around, knowing that name. He drops my hand and steps back, almost hiding behind me so they can’t see him.
“I’ll head home,” he whispers. “Tell them I’m your friend.” I feel him gearing up to leave, but I reach back and drag him to my side.
“Conan!” they greet warmly. “Sorry for dropping by unannounced. We were in the city and thought we could have a meal.” Trisha looks at Mackie and smiles warmly. “Hi, I’m Trisha, and this is Robert.”
“Hi,” Mackie replies awkwardly, and I see Trisha glancing down to where I’m holding Mackie’s wrist. Something enters her eyes as she looks up at me. I wait for the backlash, but she simply smiles. “Maybe your friend could join us?”
“Oh no, that’s okay. I’m sure you have catching up to do,” Mackie rushes out. “I’ll talk to you later, Conan.”
“Stay, please,” I request softly as I look at him, imploring with my eyes. Despite how awkward this will be, he lets me take his hand. “Please.”
Frowning, he looks between us before nodding, and I step past them, unlocking the door and letting them in.
Mackie follows and helps me put the bags on the counter, but he’s quiet and unsure. Blowing out a breath, I look at Trisha and Robert, my husband’s parents. I never want Mackie to feel uncomfortable or think I’m hiding us.
“Trisha, Robert, this is Mackie, my boyfriend,” I say. Mackie’s eyes widen as he looks at them, and we both wait, frozen and scared. I wouldn’t blame them for being angry. They love their son, always will, and I promised to love him for life.
Trisha smiles softly. “It’s nice to meet you, Mackie,” she says kindly.
Robert grunts, since he isn’t one for speaking, and I smile. “I was going to bake but I can make a pasta dish. Is that okay?”
“Oh, you don’t have to cook,” Trisha says, wringing her hands. “We dropped by unannounced.”
“You are always welcome here, you know that,” I assure her. “It’s no trouble. Mackie can help. It won’t be long, so go take a seat.”
She nods, and she and Robert sit in the living room as I move around the kitchen. Mackie hurries to my side, lowering his voice. “You didn’t have to tell them. I can make an excuse and leave.”
“No, you’re staying.” I turn him and tie the apron around his waist. “I need another chef.”
“Conan,” he protests, his face ashen.
“Mackie, please, I want you here.”
He softens and nods.
“Okay, then I’ll stay,” he replies as he turns and claps. “Where do we start, chef?”
The meal is quiet. It isn’t exactly awkward, but not comfortable either. Trisha asks about work and talks about the weather and what they did today, but it’s like there’s an elephant in the room. Mackie doesn’t speak much, and I can tell he’s unsure if he should.
The group falls silent, just the scraping of forks on plates filling the air, and Mackie looks upset as he glances from them to me.
“Conan isn’t replacing your son with me.
” They swing their heads up, and my eyes widen.
“I don’t want you to think I’m trying to replace him.
Conan loves your son very much. He talks about him all the time.
I swear I’m not trying to take his place. ”
Trisha melts, smiling softly. “I know,” she murmurs as she looks between us. “I’m actually glad.”
“Glad?” I whisper.
“Conan . . .” She sighs, pressing her hand to my shoulder.
“I never expected you to be alone for the rest of your life, and he wouldn’t either.
I’m glad you’re moving on. I’m glad you’re giving yourself a chance to fall in love again.
We don’t want you to be miserable for the rest of your life.
I love my son, I always will, and I love you like a son.
I want you to be happy, and so would he. ”
“My son is dead,” Robert mutters, and I jerk. “You aren’t dishonoring his memory by giving your heart to another. You can’t spend your life alone.”
“I-I was scared to tell you. I was worried you would be angry with me,” I admit, my chest aching. “I’m falling in love with Mackie, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still love him.” I spare Mackie a glance, and he smiles, taking my hand reassuringly.
“We would never be angry with you, son.” Robert nods. “And neither would he. I miss my son every single day. We lost him in the blink of an eye, but we still have you, and we will take care of you like you are our own, and you are. We want you to be happy, that’s all.”
Trisha nods, taking her husband’s hand, and they share a look, one stained by pain. Most couples break apart when they lose a child—I looked up the statistics—but if anything, it made them cling to each other, and I’m glad for that. They lost so much already.
“I’m glad Conan found you, Mackie. I was so worried.
He shut the world out when my son died. He pushed everyone away and closed himself off.
I’ve never seen him as happy as I have today.
I missed that smile, the one I saw outside.
That’s why we aren’t angry. One look at that and I knew you brought him back to life. ”
I see tears in Mackie’s eyes as he looks at them.
“I want to make him happy. He’s an amazing man who deserves to enjoy life.
Neither of us will fill the hole your son left.
He will be with Conan for life, and I plan to keep him alive with him because I believe when you remember someone, you give them life.
I lost my parents when I was young, and it’s how I cope.
I show them love and fill the world with them when they are gone. ”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Trisha murmurs.
“As am I,” Mackie offers as he touches her arm. “Tell me about your son. I’d love to know him. He sounds like an incredible man.”
We talk about him for hours, sharing their laughter as memories flow between us.
Mackie listens and joins in, and when Trisha and Robert are ready to leave, they are beaming.
I have Mackie to thank for that. I’ve tried to keep their son alive, but I could never make them happy, not like Mackie did tonight.
He took two broken hearts and helped heal them.
It’s who he is and the reason I started falling in love with him in the first place.
It wasn’t his place to fix them, but he is trying anyway.
“We’d love to have a meal again,” Robert says gruffly, looking at Mackie. “If you would like to join us?”
“I’d love to.” He beams. “And I’ll get those tickets sent over for the race.”
“I’d like that,” Robert says before nodding at me.
“It was lovely to meet you.” Trisha pulls him into a hug, surprising us both, before pushing his hair back into place. “Take care of him for us.”
“I will,” he promises as he steps back.
Trisha smiles, and I open my arms. She hurries into my embrace. “I’m so relieved you’re happy,” she whispers. “I like him. Keep him.”
“I plan to,” I murmur as she pulls back. Robert shakes my hand, and I walk them out. When I return, I lean into the door, watching as Mackie moves around my kitchen, cleaning and putting everything away.
God, I’m a horrible person.
He doesn’t even know the truth, and for some reason, I need him to. Like he senses me, he turns, tilting his head as I cross the room and grab the counter. “I need to tell you something.”
“Uh-oh, that doesn’t sound good.” He focuses his full attention on me. “Did I make a mistake? I’m sorry if I overstepped.”
“No,” I cut in. “You didn’t at all. You were amazing. I’m so glad you were here. I haven’t seen them that happy in a long time, and it’s all thanks to you.”
His shoulders slump like he was genuinely worried, but as I stare, he blinks. “So what is it?”
“Can you sit?” I guide him over to the couch and take his hands.
“I want you to understand before I tell you that this changes nothing between us, and I never meant to lie or hide things from you, but I was worried once you found out, you would look at me differently. When you didn’t recognize me, it felt like a chance. ”
“Conan, what are you talking about?” he asks, his eyes tight.
“We have met before.” I blurt it out and the rest rushes out like vomit.
“On the day my husband died, you were there.” His eyes widen as he stares at me.
“I was on the side of the road, broken and covered in his blood, crying my eyes out as they took his body away, and you passed by in a car, stopped, and got out, and you sat with me. You held me together when I would have shattered. You took me to the hospital and stayed with me until I had company. You didn’t even know me, and in my very worst time, when I was completely catatonic and in shock, you helped me.
Without you, I wouldn’t be here. I wanted to die in that car with him.
I wanted to climb in and never come out, but you saved me.
We were strangers, but I never forgot you.
I always wanted to thank you. When we met again, it felt like fate.
You didn’t seem to remember me, but that was fine.
I told myself I’d be in your life and help you the way you helped me that night.
When you asked for my help, it felt like my chance to do that, but then we started getting close, and before I knew it, it felt like it was too late to tell you.
I thought you’d hate me, and that terrified me.
” My lips slam shut, and he gapes. “Say something, please.”
“I remember,” he murmurs softly. “I never forgot that day. I often wondered how you were. You looked so different back then. Your image was fuzzy in my head.” He looks at me for a moment. “I can’t believe it was you.”
I was braced for his anger, but he looks . . . no different.
“You aren’t mad?” I hedge.
“I wish you would have told me, but I understand why you didn’t.” He nods. “I guess some people are always destined to meet.”
For my heart’s sake, I’m glad we did too.
“You saved me back then, and you keep saving me now,” I admit. “I will always love him, I can’t apologize for that, but I love you too. I will give you my entire future and the rest of my scarred heart. Whatever you want.”
“It’s enough,” he murmurs as if reading my thoughts. “You are enough, Conan. I meant what I said. I will never try to replace him. I’ll help you keep him alive. We’ll talk about him all the time. He was such a big part of your life and always will be. You don’t have to shoulder this alone.”
I don’t know why, but I break down. A sob escapes my chest, and before I know it, I’m curled into him as I cry my heart out, and he’s there, rubbing my back, telling me it’s okay.
He holds me until I fall asleep, his words following me into my dreams, offering protection for the horrors that usually grip me in the dark.
I always thought I’d be Mackie’s protector, but the truth is, he is mine.
I couldn’t love him more.