39. Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Laynie
The probe is cool to the touch as it makes contact with my abdomen.
Holding Grayson’s hand tight enough to possibly cut off the circulation, I stare at the screen, waiting impatiently.
It’s been two-and-a-bit weeks since my last appointment with Grayson, and to say that I’ve been anxious about this would be an understatement.
I’m not even sure I slept last night. This was all I could think about.
My bladder is full, my nerves are high enough for my skin to crawl, and it’s hot in here. Really hot.
Fanning my face with my hand, Fiona must see, because I get a small sympathetic smile before my eyes dart back to the screen.
My baby is curled up in the fetal position, sucking on its thumb.
A tiny chest moves, and little toes wriggle.
I can’t help but give a tiny snort as tears rush to my eyes once more.
I think it’s picked up some of my nervous tendencies.
“There it is,” Fiona chimes happily.
Grayson sniffs beside me, his head leaning against mine as warm water drops down my cheeks and neck.
“Does it get more magical each time?” I hush out at him, our eyes not daring to budge from the screen.
His head nods against my temple. “I think so. I just want to hold it already.” I can hear how genuine those words are. He really does love this baby with all his heart.
“I want to as well.” My fingers scrunch as Fiona takes measurements. “Don’t you just want to hold him, Fiona?”
The smile on her face widens. “Of course I do. It’s the best part of my job when they’ve arrived and we take care of them in the nursery.”
“I can’t wait to hold him,” I whisper under my breath.
Grayson’s head tips a little towards mine, and he whispers, “You said him again.”
My toes scrunch. “I might have had a dream about him.” Heart pounding, his hand tightens in mine.
Fiona lets us listen to the heartbeat. I loosen like hot glue at the sound.
It’s so perfect.
As soon as she wipes the gel from my stomach and lets me relieve myself from the pain in my bladder, I sit back down on the examination chair, gripping Grayson tightly. If it’s too much, he doesn't say anything. Maybe he needs my squeeze as much as I need his?
Fiona comes back in with some test results and measurements, and she sits back down on her chair. The downturn of her eyes makes me sit up, the pit in my stomach widening. I knew there was a reason I was so anxious about this appointment.
“Everything from your results look fine, but there’s still a bit more growth to be made,” she starts.
My pulse leaps into my throat as Grayson shuffles in his chair beside me.
“As we spoke about last time, one thing that’s concerning is the size of the baby.” My lungs sting as I fight to keep myself in control as bile rises in the back of my throat. “It has grown, more than I expected, which is positive, but it’s still a bit behind the normal size range.”
My throat works as I squeeze Grayson tighter, needing to ground myself in him.
“So, it is dangerous?” he asks.
Fiona shakes her head. “No. Sometimes babies are naturally smaller, and there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. From the vital signs and tests, there’s nothing in particular I can pinpoint. Your baby is healthy.”
Your baby is healthy.
A wave of relief pours over me as my other hand rests on my stomach, cupping it gently. Grayson must see this, because he leans over, kissing my temple.
Fiona continues, “At this rate, since we can’t see anything specifically wrong, but know that your baby is a few centimetres behind the normal size.
Therefore, I am going to add to Laynie’s file that an early birth will be required, just as a precaution for both you and the baby.
We’ll continue to monitor everything over the next couple of months, but at this rate, I will be suggesting an early induction,” she states.
“How early?” I question in a quiet tone.
Her lips twitch as she thinks for a moment. “We’ll be looking at thirty-eight weeks. Before then, if this advances quicker, we could push it back, but again, we’ll just have to take it as it comes.”
“That’s only a few weeks before full term, right?” Grayson asks, making me blink up at him.
Fiona seems a little taken aback, nodding.
“Yes, that’s correct. We will try our best to have your baby stay in the womb as long as possible, because the more time in there, the better.
But if labour starts early, or in the highly unlikely event of something else happening, we’ll do all we can to look after your baby.
” Nodding, my fingers vibrate a little as Fiona gets up from her chair.
“I’ll give you two a moment and grab those scans for you to take with you. ”
I turn to Grayson, eyes pink. They must match mine, which are blurred over with tears. Sniffing, I rest my head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around me, pulling me close enough to inhale him. It settles the burning in my stomach as I close my eyes, feeling his lips on my hair.
“It’s going to be all right, Laynie. I promise you that it will,” he murmurs against my temple.
I sniff again, louder this time, but don’t say anything.
Mainly because my voice will be too shaky for words to come out, but also because I want to believe him.
I want all of this to be fine. I don’t want complications with the baby, or for something to happen to it.
I’m protecting this baby with my life right now, but it’s mine.
I love it with all my heart and soul, and if anything happens…
My fingers curl in the material of his shirt as he holds me. Neither of us say anything until Fiona returns. It’s like we can communicate telepathically, and he knows how much I need his hold right now. Words just feel empty. Hollow. But actions scream louder than words.
As soon as I’m settled in the passenger seat of his ute, my nerves settle a fraction.
Grayson gets in beside me, closing the door and sighing before taking my hand once again.
I’ve picked off all the nail polish, and he must have noticed, because he brings them to his mouth, kissing my fingers gently.
My eyes fill with tears again as he stares at me.
“It’s going to be okay.”
My lips tremble as I return my gaze to the windscreen. “How do you know, though?”
He’s silent for a long beat before responding, “Because you’re strong and resilient, and our baby will be, too. I know it.”
I sniff, my eyes drifting closed as he leans over, tipping his head to connect with mine. His hand reaches out, cupping my stomach, and I feel a tear drop down my cheek.
“How are you so sure?” I ask, voice barely audible.
I hear him swallow. “I’m not, but this baby has both of us to protect it.
We’re both here for it, and I’m here for you.
I’m going to try my best to not let anything happen to either one of you.
” My eyes find his again, looking through wet lashes at the pale blueness of his irises.
“Also, I might have looked all of this up.”
My lips part with surprise. “You looked this up?”
“Yeah,” he admits softly, and my chest squeezes. “I went online and read about it. Just to know more about what we’re dealing with. It said that usually this is harmless for both the mother and the baby, and sometimes the baby just needs extra help in the first few weeks of its life.”
I let out a slow breath, taking his hand in mine and holding onto it like the lifeline it’s become. The one thing that grounds me most from my anxiety is Grayson, and right now, I need him more than ever to keep my spiraling at bay. “I can’t believe you did that.”
He shrugs, putting the key into the ignition and firing up the engine. “I told you that I wanted to be a part of this baby’s life, and I wasn’t joking. If I’m going to be the dad, then I need to know th—”
I pull him towards me and press my lips against his. Sighing pleasantly, Grayson kisses me back, and I just know that we’re going to be okay.
Now that I have this man forever, we’re going to be more than fine, no matter what happens.
“Oh, it’s gorgeous,” Mum says with a sigh, staring at the photo on the fridge as I pour myself some tea. She takes it off, smiling, before turning to me and lifting it, as if I haven’t looked at the sonogram a hundred times already. “Beautiful.”
“It is.”
Setting the kettle down, I let out a small breath.
Mum puts the image back and tilts her head a fraction. “What’s wrong, Laynie girl?”
I chew on my lip. “Just a little anxious about the baby and all...”
“Have you spoken with Charlotte? I know that helps you when you have an appointment with her.”
My head shakes as I swirl the metal filter around the mug, enhancing the tea flavour. “I haven’t yet, but I will make an appointment.”
She nods, turning to leave.
“But maybe we could talk?” I murmur.
She looks me in the eye, light blue like mine, and I can see where I get my pale features from. I look so like her, apart from my height, which I’m guessing my awesome non-existent father gave me.
“Sure, honey. Let’s sit on the couch.”
Sinking down beside her, Mum drapes the fluffy blanket over both our legs, and Freddie takes the opportunity to curl up beside me, purring like a drum.
“Is there something on your mind?”
Looking down at the steaming mug in my hand, I’m thankful that I have this time alone with her. Dad is at work, and Grayson drove to the ranch after dropping me off after the appointment, needing to work on something with his brothers.
There are so many things I want to say to her, but now that I have the opportunity, it’s like they’ve all left my brain.
I clear my throat. “You know I love you and Dad, right?”
There’s a smile on her lips, half formed and gentle. She reaches out, taking one of my hands. “Yes, we know. And we love you too.”
My toes scrunch under the blanket as I take a sip of my tangy, sweet loose leaf. “I’m really glad you found him, Mum. Like, I’m really, truly happy.”
She eyes me for a moment. “It feels like there’s a but coming along.”