CHAPTER 19
BELLA
Lifting my wineglass to my lips, I take a long drink, relishing the taste as the last of the cool liquid slides down my throat. Liv quickly lifts the bottle, topping me up before she refills Savannah’s glass.
“Thank you,” I mutter, leaning back into the wooden chair I’ve taken up residence in.
All four men are camping out in the wild tonight as they move the cattle farther west of the ranch to a new, fresher pasture. Noah tried explaining the reasonings to me over our daily five a.m. breakfast this morning, but I kind of tuned him out.
Mama and Papa Calloway are on grandbaby duty for the night, minus Rueben who they’ll only babysit until Liv goes to collect him later on.
As soon as the men set off this morning, the group chat lit up with plans for a girls’ night around the firepit that is set up outside Grayson and Liv’s house.
For the briefest of moments, I almost said no.
Out of habit or fear, I don’t know. But then I got a text from Liv telling me that if my ass weren’t at that firepit at six on the dot, she was going to drag me there by my shiny blonde hair – her words, not mine.
“It feels like it’s been so long since we’ve done this,” Daisy says, her soda clutched tightly in her hand.
“It has been,” Savannah responds.
The shame is instant. I avert my eyes, my cheeks heating with the onslaught of emotion that hits at their words.
Because of me. We haven’t done this in so long because of me.
They won’t say it out loud, but I know they’re all thinking it.
I feel the burn of Olivia’s eyes on me, and I know she’s looking at me with that pitying expression reserved for most people that get cheated on. And that’s okay. She can pity me. I would rather that than admit the truth.
Because the truth is something I’ve only just admitted to myself.
As much as I’d love to blame my absence from their lives on the fact that my boyfriend of two years had been having an affair for who knows how long, it’s just not true.
The truth of the matter is that I was being controlled. I didn’t realise it at the time, but in the few weeks I’ve been living with Noah it’s as if the blinkers I had been wearing have slowly come off.
I thought I was just making my own life easier by staying away from my friends, and in a way, I had, but really what I had been doing was isolating myself to make him happy.
Everybody knows that Justin and Noah don’t get along. But no one accept Liv knows just how deep Justin’s dislike for the latter ran. Or why. And if I told them, I would have to tell them about mine and Noah’s history.
I still haven’t told Savannah and Daisy about Justin’s cheating and thankfully neither of them has brought it up.
I came into tonight expecting to be grilled by them both but so far, they’ve stayed far away from the subject.
I don’t even know if Savannah knows I’ve been living on the same property as her for almost a month.
Liv lifts her own soda into the air, the motion of it breaking me out of my trance, and gestures it to Daisy. “I know why I’m drinking lemonade when I’d love nothing more than to get shitfaced, but what’s your excuse?”
All eyes turn her way as a bright pink blush crawls into her cheeks, her mouth breaking into a wide smile.
The self-pity party I had fallen into only a second ago is a distant memory as my spine snaps straight, the blanket falling from my shoulders. “Shut the fuck up, you are not!”
My best friend’s eyes are laser focused on mine, tears shining in them as she nods her head. “I am.”
My own tears form immediately and I’m up and out of my seat in seconds, making my way around the firepit and pulling her into the fiercest hug. “How?” I whisper, my voice breaking with emotion.
“IVF,” she replies, her own voice just as hitched as mine.
“Oh my God. Congratulations.” I sniff, my heart bursting with happiness for her and my brother.
“You’re pregnant?” Savannah squeals from behind us and I pull back, wiping my eyes as I turn back to them.
Daisy nods again, a disbelieving laugh leaving her. “I’m pregnant.”
Savannah pulls her into a hug next and the two of them cry into each other much like we did only seconds ago.
My eyes find Liv, who’s still sitting in her chair, her chin trembling and silent tears tracking down her face as she watches our friends embrace.
When Savannah pulls back, she stands, taking her turn to offer Daisy her congratulations.
When everyone is done and our tears have dried, we all retake our seats. “You need to tell us everything,” Savannah says, picking up the bottle of wine again.
Daisy takes a deep breath, wiping at her face. “You guys know that the reason I never came home after my ectopic was because I was told I’d likely never have children.”
We all nod in unison.
“Well, Killian and I were talking about it one night and he asked me if the doctor had ever told me there was no chance, I’d have children.
And I guess that was the first time that I had actually allowed myself to truly absorb the words I had been told.
” Daisy shrugs, taking a sip of her drink.
“So, we made an appointment with a new specialist a few towns over, and we’ve been doing IVF for the past year. This was our second round.”
“I’m so happy for you, Dais,” I say, my chin quivering again, my emotions threatening to get the better of me a second time tonight.
I’ve been so out of touch with everything for so long that I didn’t even realise she was going through fertility treatments for a year.
“I can’t think of two people who deserve this more,” Sav says.
“Is Killian telling the guys tonight?” Liv asks as she reaches for the wine bottle in Savannah’s hand. Savannah snatches it back and frowns at her, but Liv just rolls her eyes, taking the bottle anyway. “I have breastmilk in the freezer. I’m celebrating.”
We all chuckle before Daisy replies, “I think so.”
I rest my head back against my chair and stare up at the dark sky. The stars overhead twinkle like tiny beacons of hope and for a moment my mind drifts to Noah, wondering if he’s looking up at this exact view right now.
I’ve replayed the night of the drive-in over and over in my head for the past week and every time, I somehow convince myself that I must have imagined the way the air had changed around us as soon as we walked inside the house.
I must have imagined the way his pupils blew wide, darkening his hazel eyes as they homed in on my lips.
And I definitely imagined the way his voice sounded so strained when he told me to go to bed.
One thing that I know for certain I didn’t imagine though, was the sound of the shower turning on and the muffled, deep grunts that echoed through the walls of his bathroom.
There’s not a chance in hell I made that up. Those sounds have been burned into my brain for a solid seven days. I’ve pictured him in that shower; his hand wrapped around his length as his chest rose and fell with heavy breaths for just as long.
“You good over there?” A hand on my knee jolts me out of the memory and I sit up, blinking frantically as Liv, who has leaned over to jostle me.
“Huh?” I ask, completely flustered.
“You were staring into space and breathing fast. Are you okay?” She asks, genuine concern on her face and I feel myself blush ten shades of red.
“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry,” I say, picking up my wine glass and downing the liquid.
Jesus Christ.
Thankfully she doesn’t question me further and I think I’ve dodged a bullet as the conversation changes back to Daisy and her pregnancy until Savannah brings up her job, beginning a whole new subject involving the ranch and then suddenly all eyes are back on me when Daisy says, “Have you been staying at Noah’s? ”
I swallow hard, opening my mouth as a lie begins to form on my tongue but then think better of it. Theres no point lying to her. It’ll be easy enough for her to prove it. My shoulders sag, a sigh leaving me. “How did you know?”
All three women exchange looks that tell me they know something I don’t and my brows furrow as I look between them. “What?”
“Umm…” Savannah says, a smirk on her face.
Liv rolls her eyes. “He planned this.” She circles her finger in the air.
I blink at her. “What?”
“Noah texted all of us arranging a girls’ night,” Liv explains, waving her wine glass around nonchalantly.
My eyes find Daisy’s and when she nods in confirmation, all the air rushes out of me. He texted my friends and arranged a girls’ night?
Why?
The grin on Daisy’s face as she watches me lets me know all I need to about where her thoughts are. I shake my head, hoping my voice doesn’t betray me as I speak. “It’s not like that. He’s just helping me out.”
“Mm-hmm,” she hums and a small part of me begins to panic about what my brother would say if he knew I was staying with his best friend.
“Does Killian know?” I ask Daisy.
She shakes her head. “No. And he won’t if you don’t want him to.”
I nod, relieved. “Not yet.”
Daisy gives me a look full of promise that she isn’t going to go back on her word and I finally relax. Surprisingly, nobody asks me why I’m staying with Noah, but by the suggestive look Daisy gave me, I’m guessing she figured out why all on her own.
The subject quickly changes back to talk of babies and parenthood and I tune them out, pulling my phone from my pocket and typing out a text.
Me: Did you arrange girls’ night?
I lift my head, checking that no one is paying attention to me and gnaw on my lip as I wait for a response. Within seconds those three bubbles appear and just the sight of them causes my stomach to flutter.
Noah: Hey, babybell. Miss me already?
I roll my eyes and stifle a smirk. So cocky.
Me: Noah.
Noah: Yes, doll?
My pulse quickens.
He’s only ever called me that one other time.
Me: Why did you do this?
Noah: Because I didn’t want you to be alone and you needed time with your friends. They missed you.
The shame I felt earlier returns and increases tenfold when another text follows.
Noah: We all did.
A lump forms in my throat, making it hard for me to swallow as my eyes cloud over, tears threatening to form.
I knew my friends had missed me. They all made that very clear.
But I didn’t think about how Noah would feel in my absence.
Despite everything, Noah and I built a solid friendship throughout our teenage years.
When Killian and Daisy started dating, we kind of got left behind which ultimately led to us forming a bond. I just never really thought that the bond meant as much to him as it did to me.
I stare down at my phone, debating on my response for so long that the screen begins to darken before I say fuck it and reply honestly.
Me: I missed you, too.
The read receipt shows immediately, the bubbles appearing just as quick.
Noah: I know. How couldn’t you? I’m fucking awesome.
Biting back a laugh, I shake my head.
Me: Okay, cocky. Go do some man shit.
Noah: Yes, ma’am. Off to do some man shit. But just so you know, I’ll be thinking of you the whole time.
And just like that, my stomach is in knots for an entirely different reason.