Chapter 15 #3
“You sure about that, baby?” he murmured, nipping my lower lip and popping the button on my jeans.
My entire body practically melted when he slid his hand into my boxers and wrapped his fingers around my cock, my brain trying to remind me that this couldn’t happen, but my body was on board. It always was when he was involved.
His teeth sank into my jaw playfully as he stroked me, my hand around his throat tightening a fraction before I kissed him hard.
It was an angry kiss, one that had him groaning into my mouth as he worked his hand faster.
My other hand released his wrist, and he instantly pushed my jeans off my hips to stroke me better.
“Fuck,” I growled, pushing him back to stop this from going further, but then he was on his knees with his mouth around my cock, the last piece of clarity leaving my brain.
The thing I’d always loved about Marco was he liked it rough, so I wasn’t concerned when I braced an arm against the wall and thrust down his throat hard and fast, his hands toying with my balls and thighs.
One of my hands slid into his hair to grip it as I fucked his throat deeper, and I almost collapsed when I came hard, my legs shaking from the intensity of it.
He continued kissing and licking my cock and balls as I came down from it, self-hatred hitting me with full force. I was so weak when it came to him.
“You just going to watch, or join in?” Marco asked dryly as he stood to wipe his mouth, my eyes shifting to the doorway to find Lukas there with a mix of anger and hurt on his face.
I scowled as I fixed my pants, not expecting the little fucker to swing at me.
“I didn’t really believe it when the guys told me, but I can’t exactly deny it now. You gave me shit for being too scared to come out with Jensen, but you’re hiding in your own fucking closet?” Lukas snapped, making Marco chuckle.
“Skeet’s not in the closet. He just doesn’t like people to know his balls are in my pocket. He’s a bit embarrassed about it.”
“Shut your fucking mouth,” I bit out, and Marco licked his lips dramatically.
“How about you put your cock back in it? You sure you don’t want me to bend over? For old times’ sake?”
Lukas was staring at me like I was the world’s biggest piece of shit, and I didn’t particularly care about his feelings right now. I’d never lied to him, he’d just never considered the option that I understood because I’d been in his shoes before.
Except instead of an upset mother, I had a crew leader that would have literally killed me for it.
I felt a little better once I’d punched Marco in the face, but that asshole just laughed like I’d tickled him.
“Round two? C’mon, Skeet. Let those feelings out. You’ll feel better once you admit you still love me.”
“You’re acting like I fucked it all up, but it was you!” I threw back, shoving him hard against the wall. “You left. You pretended to have feelings involved. Don’t you fucking dare make it out like I’m the problem here!”
“I did have feelings involved. I fucking lied about playing you, okay?” he snapped, surprising me slightly.
“What?”
“You were obsessed with me, idiot. Do you know how many times we almost got caught? It was going to get you killed, so I lied and said I’d played you to make you stay the fuck away from me.”
I was going to shoot him. My emotions were going haywire, and as much as I wanted to believe him, years of mistrust made me wonder if he was playing me again to drag me back in.
Before I could kill or kiss him, I left the room.
I didn’t make it far before Lukas snagged my arm to stop me, halting my escape.
“Skeet,” I heard Marco call down the hallway, but Lukas snapped at him to fuck off before shoving me into a bedroom and locking the door behind us.
“What the fuck are you—” I didn’t get to finish my sentence before Lukas was hugging me so tightly that I was pretty sure he was trying to fix all the years worth of damage I had inside me. “Get off me.”
“No.”
“Luke, I’ll knock your fucking teeth down your throat. Get off me.”
He thankfully let go and took a step back, watching me with curiosity. “Marco said your old leader would have killed you. That was for real? He would have murdered you over it? Why did you force me to come to terms with my shit when you’ve had to hide your own?”
“That’s exactly why I did it. I know how soul-crushing it is to be crammed in that damn closet,” I hissed, taking another step back from him. “Your situation was emotional, but not life-threatening.”
“Why did it even matter if you fucked guys?”
I swallowed, sitting on the floor with my back pressed to the wall. I should have pushed him out of the way and left, but something kept me there.
“Things used to be different in the crews. Dating another guy from another crew? That shit would get you executed for being a traitor and for being with a guy. Savage raised me like his son, and there was no way he’d let it slide.”
He sat beside me, nudging my shoulder with his. “So Marco hurt you to make sure that didn’t happen?”
“I don’t fucking know. Everyone thinks I killed a girl out of anger when I walked in to find her with Marco. They thought I’d wanted her, but she was touching him. They had no idea he was mine.”
“You still love him?”
“I can’t.”
“But you do,” he said with a light huff. “That sucks. He’s a piece of shit.” We sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again, his voice soft. “That’s why you’re so fucked up about Rory? You think she played you too?”
“I’m not doing that shit again, Luke. I’ll fucking kill her if she makes me out to be a joke,” I warned, ignoring the knock on the door. Lukas stood to check, and I glanced over to find Hunter there.
“We’re going. Just wanted you to know,” he mumbled, and it was like he knew. Marco probably told him what had just happened, he never knew how to keep his damn mouth shut.
I nodded once and he thankfully got the hint that I wasn’t in a talking mood and left.
Lukas opened his window and motioned for me to join him, making me snort.
“I’m not so sad I feel the need to jump,” I said dryly, and he rolled his eyes.
“Me either. If you want to smoke, do it by the window.”
I stood and walked over, accepting a cigarette from him as I sat on the window ledge.
“He can really take a cock,” Lukas said lightly, a bark of laughter leaving me at the unexpected comment.
“He could probably give you some pointers.”
“Hey, I’m getting better at it. Did you ever—”
“So glad you got over your fear of dick and uncomfortable conversations,” I deadpanned, blowing smoke out the window. “Yes, I’ve sucked dick.”
“Are you a top?” he asked, earning a dirty look from me.
“What’s with the twenty questions? We’re not bonding over this.”
“We totally are. C’mon, what are you? I could picture Marco being either, but you’ve got major top energy,” he shrugged, and I scowled.
“Eighty percent of the time, yes. Sometimes, we switched though.”
“Didn’t see that coming,” he mumbled, staring out the window. “What was your first time with a guy like?”
This was getting way too personal, but I had a feeling he was just searching for answers to his own problems.
“Look,” I sighed, eyeing him. “You’re overthinking the entire thing.
Go with the flow, do what you want, and if you don’t want to continue something, then stop.
Take your time, use lube, and even get a fucking safe word if it helps you.
Marco was my first and only guy, he’s openly into guys and girls, but I’m only into girls and him.
Kind of like you and Jensen. I’m not used to being open about it, not because I’m ashamed of what we had, but because I had to learn to keep it a secret for so long.
You know how you can just get into bed with a girl and it just feels right?
It’s just like that. My first experience with Marco wasn’t planned or discussed, we just did it. ”
“Was it good?”
I chuckled, remembering it easily. “The first time? No. It was awkward, we didn’t know what to do. The second and third time got better though. Like I said, use lots of lube and take your time. That’s half the problem when you’re figuring it out.”
“I freeze up when we go too far. It’s stupid,” he grumbled, looking embarrassed.
“You’re putting too much pressure on yourself, that’s why. Either take charge and roll with it, or let Jensen lead.”
“Hey, Skeet? Thanks. I know you hate getting personal,” he said awkwardly, and I raised an eyebrow.
“But you’ll keep coming back to me with questions now, won’t you? Just fuck him. It’s not hard.”
I felt a little better after talking to him, not realizing my own issues had faded while I’d focused on his.
“Probably. I’m sorry you couldn’t be yourself around your crew,” he said quietly, both of us finishing our cigarettes in silence after that.
I was worried he’d keep going about the subject, but once we were back in the middle of the party, he walked off to join Jensen, leaving me to wander back to Caden.