Chapter 51
VICTOR
Istacked the dishwasher, pleased with my efforts. Lila had devoured the dinner I’d made for her, and now she was in bed resting. It wasn’t quite the domestic bliss I envisioned, but it was nice enough.
I paused the baby podcast I was listening to; this time they were talking about reflux in babies, and it sounded tough. I hoped our little one didn’t suffer with it. I turned the dishwasher on then wiped down the table, checking the room was clear before I sat down to watch TV.
Lila was being relatively quiet lately, and it worried me. I hoped she was okay, especially with the baby. I’d like to think she’d come to me if she needed me, even though she couldn’t tolerate my presence for very long.
Come to think of it though, that was getting easier. She was approaching her seventeenth week of pregnancy, and maybe it was making her more tired. Maybe she didn’t have the energy to argue with me.
I yawned and tuned into the sports channel, easing back into the sofa as I contemplated my life for the millionth time.
I’d promised myself I wouldn’t give up on Lila, and I’d promised her.
I still loved her so much, and it was hard not to hold her when she was tired or go and lie beside her and stroke her back.
I wanted to be there for her so much, but I couldn’t.
So instead, I went to work, cooked meals where I could, and kept the house clean and the trash emptied. It was the least I could do for her.
I felt better since I’d quit the night job, and I’d even been offered a permanent position at work.
Things were going okay, but not quite great.
Soon, the baby would arrive, and Lila would put the house back on the market.
I’d stop seeing her every day, and the thought crushed me.
Lila’s presence soothed me; I loved being around her.
I was itching to touch her though and had to stop myself on more than one occasion.
Then I’d need to find somewhere to live again, and I couldn’t have a baby in a shithole like that apartment I’d been in before.
Fuck, no.
The divorce had fucking destroyed me. I refused to look at the letter that had been forwarded here from my old place, knowing full well what it was.
Lila may not be my wife, but she will always be mine.
Interestingly, on a good note, that fucking smarmy prick hadn’t shown his face again. If I saw him again, I’d knock him the fuck out. Fucking Lila when she was pregnant with my child?
Not acceptable.
He may have got tenaway with it once, because she wanted it, but he wouldn’t get away with it again. Fucking her was off limits to every single man in the world. Even me.
Not that I didn’t think about it every day.
But I cared about her. I wanted to make sure she was eating enough, that she was getting enough sleep, not doing too much.
I’d bought blueberry muffins for breakfast tomorrow, her favourite, so I knew she wouldn’t be hungry.
She didn’t have work tomorrow according to the schedule pinned to the notice board, so she’d sort herself out with lunch until I came home.
Unless another prick turned up with a private jet to sweep her off for Greek food.
Fucking bastard.
I opened the kindle app on my phone and resumed reading the parenting book I’d downloaded, losing myself in all the hints and tips from people who were much better at this shit than me.
I was lost in the new mother section, when something stopped me in my tracks.
The mother will seek emotional reassurance from her partner.
What if the mother didn’t have a partner? Who provided it then? Lila would always have me, whether she wanted me or not.
I heard footsteps on the stairs, and I turned instinctively to see Lila staring at me, looking away quickly when I caught her.
“Is everything okay?” I sat up and watched as she walked over to the sofa, choosing to sit on the one beside me.
“Yeah, I just can’t sleep.” She rubbed her eyes and yawned.
“Aches?” I guessed, and she blinked.
“Yes…how did you know?”
I waved my phone in the air. “I’m reading about it. Is it your back or your legs?”
Lila continued to stare at me before mumbling it was her back.
“Have you got a pregnancy pillow?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t pissed at me for asking. “I can order you one?”
“A what?” Lila gazed at me.
“A pregnancy pillow. It’s shaped like a C, and if you sleep on your side with it between your legs, it’s supposed to help align your hips.” I went online and scrolled until I found one. I tilted the phone to show her, and she leaned forward, her fingers brushing mine as she took the phone from me.
“I see. Yeah, that looks good.”
“Great, I’ll order you one.”
Added to cart.
“Victor, you don’t have to.”
Next day delivery.
“Lila, let me.” I held her gaze until she lifted her brows and held up her hands.
“Okay. Thank you, I guess.”
“No worries. Warm baths can help; did you want me to run you one?” I placed my order then looked at Lila to see her staring at me again.
“Victor, I can run my own bath,” Lila insisted with a shaky chuckle.
“I know, but you’re pregnant and I’m here.” I met her gaze and she swallowed. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to,” I said gently, watching as she stared at her hands. “So, you may as well use me.”
“Why are you still here?” Lila whispered, her eyes meeting mine. “After everything…”
“Because I love you.” The words were automatic. “I will always love you.”
“I burned your truck…” She cringed, staring at her hands again.
“I ruined your life.”
My heart raced as she nodded. “You did.”
“I guess we’re even,” I joked, holding my hands up before she threw something at me.
“Hardly.” Lila scoffed, leaning back onto the sofa with a grimace.
There was a pause, one that seemed to hold too much weight, so I changed the subject. I didn’t want her to hate me more than she already did by hashing up my mistakes.
“How is it?” I asked, nodding at her stomach. “The pregnancy?”
Lila followed my gaze and smiled, stroking her belly. “It’s hard, but so beautiful. I think the baby moved today.”
I gaped at her. “Really?!”
“Well, I’m not sure, but the baby can move between—”
“Seventeen to twenty-four weeks!” I nodded, a massive grin on my face. “Was it like a flutter?”
Lila stared at me. “You’re really enjoying that book, huh?”
“You know about the book?” I frowned. I’d finished the paperback and now I was onto something else. How did she know I’d been reading up on it?
“I saw it in your room when I was passing.” Lila refused to look at me, and I knew she’d been in my room, maybe when she’d covered me with a blanket. “So, as I said, you’re enjoying reading about it?”
I laughed and shrugged. “I want to be a good dad. I want to support you, too. I can’t do that without knowledge.”
“So, yeah…I’ll let you know if it happens again, maybe you can feel it? I don’t know.” Lila frowned and rubbed her stomach.
“I’d love that,” I agreed quietly, a lump forming in my throat.
We didn’t say anything for a while, then Lila rose to her feet, letting me see the beautiful baby bump once more as she stretched. She caught me watching and moved toward me.
My breath snagged in my throat as she stood before me, tentatively lifting her shirt so her belly was exposed. My hands trembled, but I didn’t move. Not an inch.
“Do you want to feel it?” Lila murmured, gazing down at me.
“Your belly?” I whispered, almost in awe. My baby was in there! It was one thing reading and listening about it, but feeling it?
Damn. I hadn’t expected this.
“Yes,” Lila said with a laugh. “What else?”
Our eyes met, and her cheeks flushed. I averted my eyes, and she reached for my hand, placing it on her belly. Her skin was warm beneath my touch, yet hard. Harder than I’d ever felt it.
“Hey,” I whispered, staring at it. “I’m your daddy.”
Lila sucked in a breath, and I looked up at her, sweeping my hands around her swollen stomach. “Can I kiss it?” I whispered, and she stiffened. “The bump, I mean?”
I felt incredibly stupid for even asking her, but I just wanted to be close to my baby. And yes, to Lila too.
Lila nodded. “Sure.”
I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against the bump, tears stinging my eyelids as I did. I kept my lips there for a beat, whispering that I loved them both.
Because I did. I really fucking did.