9. Addie
ADDIE
Istared at the two outfits I’d laid out on my bed, wrinkling my nose at my choices.
“I hate everything I own.”
Tessa called out from my bathroom, yelling so I’d hear her over the music playing. “Since when?”
“I don’t know.” With a frown, I lifted the first dress off the bed. “Since every outfit started looking like it belonged in a catalog for tea parties or grandmas?”
“What?” She croaked out a laugh, poking her head out of the door and assessing me. “You’ve always had a great sense of style, Addie. Unique, yes, but…yours.”
From where I’d been standing at the foot of my bed for the last twenty minutes, it didn’t feel that way. Even the black dress I’d worn the night I met Finn felt off as I held it up.
I took it off the hanger, dropped my towel, and pulled the dress over my head.
After adjusting it, I stared at myself in the full-length mirror.
My frown deepened, and I glanced past my reflection to my bedroom door behind me, wondering if my shoes would help. Heading out to the living room, I kept an ear out for signs of life, but Blake and Adam weren’t home.
I didn’t expect to see them until dinner, but I wasn’t as aware of their comings and goings as I’d been two months ago. Before, I could’ve set my watch to their routines.
Now, I accepted the possibility they might have changed as much as I had.
Tugging my heels on, I stood in front of the mirror again.
The outfit was cute, sure. And the heels made me feel slightly more grown up, but something about it still didn’t fit.
Tessa came out of the bathroom, eyeing me suspiciously as I deliberated.
Her red curls bounced as she hopped up and took a seat on my bed. “Talk to me, Addie.”
My brow furrowed. I brushed my hands over the dress before turning to face her.
Option number two was still laid out beside her, but that dress, my navy-blue graduation dress, was too formal for tonight.
“Tonight is supposed to be special. It’s been two months since we met, and I…” As Tessa studied my face, I dropped my gaze, needing to look away as I admitted the truth. “I’m ready to take the next step with him. It’s time.”
She kept her expression neutral, but a tiny divot formed between her eyebrows. “Okay. What’s the problem then? Why the concern with your outfit?”
I swallowed, struggling to put it into words. But as I stared at the dress on my bed, I didn’t want sudden wardrobe anxiety to impact my night.
“Ever since we met, I’ve felt…different. Wanted. Grown up. Sexy. I love never having to guess if he wants me or not. He’s always touching me and commenting on how beautiful I look. How desirable I am to him. It feels good.” I shrugged. “I think it’s special.”
Tessa bit the inside of her lower lip, and her mouth twisted as she thought over what I’d said, the dip in her brow deepening.
Heaving an exasperated sigh, I propped my hands on my hips. “What? Spit it out.”
“I guess I just don’t get what this has to do with your clothes.” She shrugged. “It sounds like Finn won’t care what you wear, right?”
“Yes, but I care. I…” Releasing a breath, I threw my hands in the air and turned back to my closet. “I want to look how I feel.”
Tessa made a noncommittal sound from the bed. “And…just so I’m understanding correctly, your clothes don’t make you feel wanted?”
I poked my head back out of the closet, pursing my lips and giving her a look. “I’ve had everything in this closet since high school.” Dropping my voice and ducking back into the closet, I admitted more to myself than to her. “And maybe my clothes remind me of being unwanted.”
“Ah.”
Of course, she’d heard me.
I snatched two different dresses off their hangers and marched back out to face her. “Oh my God, Tessa. Just say it!”
“Well…you have been different since meeting Finn. Not necessarily in a bad way. It’s been a bit fast, but not bad. It’s been nice to see you step out of your comfort zone and explore.”
I tapped my foot on the carpet. “Okay, but…”
“But are you into Finn? Or just into feeling wanted?” When I flinched, she put up her hands. “Wait. Please don’t be upset. Neither one is wrong. I’m just asking if you know which one it is, because one is about Finn and the other might be about…”
She didn’t finish the thought, but she didn’t have to. Her gaze darted to my bedroom door, where Blake’s empty bedroom sat directly across from it.
“I’m into Finn,” I said firmly. “He communicates, and he’s consistent.
He talks to me about art, writes me poems, and supports my dreams to start a foundation one day.
Not that—” I huffed, growing frustrated.
Blake would support my dream, too, but pointing that out wouldn’t convince Tessa.
“I like Finn. He is good for me. He is helping me move on from that.”
Her sympathetic smile told me I hadn’t eased her concern. “I love that he makes you feel good. Wanted. I just don’t like the thought of you using him, or anyone, as proof you’ve moved on or grown up. Plus, he gets a little weird every time you mention Blake.”
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “Everyone gets weird when I talk about Blake. I’m weird when I talk about Blake. The goal is to be less weird, Tessa. And I have been. I’m happy.”
She nodded, clearly wanting to say more but deciding against it. “Then that’s all I care about. As long as you’re happy, I’m good.”
“I am.” With a resolute nod, I pointed at my outfits. “And I’ll be happier when my outfit says, ‘Make me a woman. I’m ready.’ Again. If you can help me with that, I’ll love you forever.”
Snorting at my antics, she got up and joined me in front of the mirror. She looped her arm through mine and nudged me with her hip. “Well, look at that. Already improved, if you ask me. But where are your necklace and bracelet?”
I glanced at my bare neck and wrist, and then nodded to where my jewelry sat on my dresser. “Finn asked the other day why I always wear the same jewelry. I thought I’d switch things up for tonight.”
Tessa frowned. “But you always wear those. Why would he have a problem with that?”
“He didn’t,” I assured her quickly. “Change isn’t always a bad thing, Tessa.”
She nodded slowly. “You’re right…but just make sure the changes are what you want.” When I bristled, she clarified. “A woman is best dressed when she has the right accessories complementing her outfit, and those pieces are part of you. That’s all I’m saying.”
I nodded, unsure how I felt about it or if it had contributed to my sudden wardrobe crisis.
As I stared at us together, I imagined moving forward or changing without her. I couldn’t fathom it. At my side, she complemented me, drawing attention to places that might otherwise be overlooked.
I had to admit she made an excellent point.
As was our tradition, no matter how busy life got or how much I wanted to avoid the apartment to focus on moving on, the three of us made a point to be home every Sunday night.
Our apartment didn’t have a dining room, so we normally went to the living room when it was time to eat. After grabbing my plate, I stepped into the hallway, not paying attention and bumping right into Blake.
“Whoops!” I laughed, doing a weird side-to-side shuffle like we were in a boxing ring. “I almost knocked you out there, didn’t I?”
Blake’s eyebrows rose, the twinkle in his eye brighter than it had been when he came out of his room earlier. The corner of his mouth tipped up, and he nodded at me. “You sure did, Addie. Put those guns away.”
“Don’t worry.” I winked at him. “I have a license to carry these bad boys.”
He huffed a laugh, rubbing the back of his head as he stepped around me to serve himself. I smiled happily as I went to the couch, pleased I’d been able to act normal around him.
If we called that normal.
While I’d decided it was time to stop pining over my secret feelings for him, I’d been equally determined that things wouldn’t change between us.
If he’d noticed anything, he hadn’t mentioned it.
So, my boxing routine had obviously done the trick.
Adam took the big chair in the corner, leaving the couch open for me and Blake. He assessed me as I took my usual seat.
I ignored him, focusing on my plate until Blake sat down, but when he glanced between me and Adam, searching for what prompted my twin’s prolonged scrutiny, I returned my brother’s stare.
Adam tilted his head, his eyes narrowing on me so intensely that I finally shifted in my seat. “What’s up, Adam?”
“What’s with your outfit?”
I rolled my eyes at his usual lack of tact. “I’m not sure what you mean, brother. Is there a specific complaint you’d like to file against my clothes tonight?” Arching a brow, I kept my tone airy. “Have they offended you in some way?”
His forehead wrinkled as he frowned. “It’s Sunday night. You’re all dressed up.”
Pointing out the obvious was one of Adam’s strong suits, so I’d expected him to notice, but I’d been overly optimistic in my hope that he would avoid bringing it up.
Since he had, I answered honestly. “I have a date later.”
Blake’s head popped up, but I couldn’t focus on his reaction since Adam followed up with more prying into my personal life. “On a Sunday?”
“Yes.” I stabbed a piece of chicken with my fork, missing it entirely and hitting the plate. Trying again, I brought the bite to my mouth and smiled sweetly. “Is that a problem?”
Adam thought it over as I chewed my food, and I shifted my gaze to Blake, who wasn’t eating.
He stared at me, running his gaze over my outfit before inspecting the makeup on my face. Whatever he was thinking, it reeked of judgment.
“All this for sonnet guy?”
I bristled. “His name is Finn.”
Blake wrinkled his nose as Adam snorted, and I snapped at him. “What?”
Adam shrugged and sank lower in his seat, shoving a bite of food in his mouth.
I scoffed, annoyed by both of them having opinions on who I dated. Especially when neither of them had met Finn.
“You guys don’t even know him.”
They didn’t respond, so I scarfed down the last few bites of my chicken before rising from the couch. Since the boys cooked dinner together while I kept them company, I always did the dishes when we were done.