Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
JAMIE
Before falling asleep, we lay in bed and check for open seats on Ethan’s flight back to Minneapolis tomorrow.
Luckily, there are still a few middle seats left in economy, and I grab one.
It won’t be the business class experience I had on the way out here, but something tells me I won’t care in the least.
As I’m booking the tickets, I briefly notice the red badges all over Ethan’s phone – calls, texts, and Instagram notifications so copious that most of the numbers are maxed out.
“Jesus. And I thought my notifications were a mess.”
He smirks at me.
“I’ll be honest, I haven’t really looked at, well, any of them. Just the group chat and a few from the boys. I figure the rest will still be there whenever I get around to them.”
“Are the guys being good? Supportive?” This is one of my biggest fears, that he’ll start getting pushback and decide that it isn’t worth it, that he made a mistake.
“The ones I’ve heard from have been. Mac and Lindy reached out. Pretty sure Alexei is planning to take out a hit on anyone who says anything in the group chat, but I’m sure there are some who want to. I know there are a few who aren’t saying anything.”
As reassured as I am that he’s aware there will be people who don’t support him, even those who are closest to him, I wish he didn’t have to deal with that, didn’t have to ever face that feeling.
I turn on my side, resting my head on his shoulder and stretching my arm around him, trying to wrap him up safe and tight.
For a few minutes, we just lay there in silence. As happy as I am that we’re doing this thing, I can’t help but be deeply aware that it will probably hurt him in some ways.
“Do you…want me to look? Maybe get rid of anything you don’t really need to see?”
I worry about how he’ll take this – will he think that I think he isn’t strong enough? I know he is – I just wish he didn’t have to be.
Instead, he heaves a sigh.
“Would you?” He looks like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.
I start with his text messages, happy to note that several teammates have continued to show support. There are even several from people he’s played with over the years, and a few from players on other teams. After checking them, I mark them as unread again.
“I’m leaving the ones I think you’ll appreciate, ok?”
He nods. As I scroll, I get to a name I know will hold nothing good. Marty Tremblay. Even without opening it, the preview shows exactly the type of filth I’m expecting. I take a deep breath.
“What is it?”
“Can I ask you a question? And can you take a minute before you answer, please?”
He nods, looking a little confused at the request.
“Why do you speak to your dad?”
He starts to speak, then remembers his promise to wait. He sits there, chewing his lip so aggressively I’m worried he’ll draw blood. Finally, he speaks.
“I guess because…I have to? Don’t I?”
The questioning look in his eyes tells me he’s not sure.
“Does he add anything to your life? Or does he only take?”
A look of realization dawns on his face, but I still see fear in his eyes.
“Could I…could I block him? Is that something I can do?”
I get the sense the question is not just one of technology.
“What are you worried will happen if you do?”
He reaches for me, and I go back to his arms.
“He’s very…focused on publicity. No, not publicity. Attention. He hates when people don’t pay attention to him. As a kid, it always made things…worse.”
He’s squeezing me tighter now, and I take that as a sign not to ask about that ominous things. Instead, I squeeze him back, wrapping my body around him as tightly as I can.
“But, I mean…as a kid I couldn’t leave. Couldn’t choose not to interact with him. I can do that now, right?”
“Yeah, you can do that now.”
He pulls his phone from my hands.
“Can you show me how?”
I pull up his dad’s profile, deleting his texts as I do.
Then, I hand the phone back to Ethan, pointing out the button.
I can’t help but think this is something he’ll want to do himself.
He takes a deep breath and does it, seeming shocked when nothing happens afterward.
After a few moments, he goes back to his texts and pulls up his thread with Jack.
Ethan Tremblay 11:21 PM
Hey, just a heads up - I’ve blocked my dad.
I know that might be tough for you to deal with.
I’m sorry.
Jack Kinkaid 11:24 PM
Long time coming, honestly.
We can talk about it more next week – I’m flying into Minneapolis for a bit.
Ethan Tremblay 11:25 PM
Everything ok?
Did the front office reach out?
Jack Kinkaid 11:26 PM
Only to say how proud they are of your leadership.
Just thought you could use some backup.
Plus we need to decide on some sponsorships.
Ethan relaxes a bit at this, although I can tell he’s still worried that Jack has a motivation for coming that he’s not sharing.
“Ethan, he probably just wants you hawking every rainbow-colored product from here to Provincetown.”
“When you put it like that, I hope it is because they want to trade me.”
“Is that…likely? I thought you had a full no-move clause?”
“I do. But there are…ways. They switch my d-partner, make me pair with Koskinen. Or they just start to scratch me altogether. It becomes a stalemate, and eventually I feel like I have to give them a shortlist.”
He shrugs his shoulders, and I know he’s run through this scenario in his head before.
“Ok. And then what?”
Sometimes the only way to tackle our fears is to tackle them, to really think about what the true worst case is.
And Ethan does think. He sits with it for a minute, and I can tell he’s playing through the possibilities in his head.
“And then…I don’t. I don’t want to move. I like Minneapolis. I like my friends. I make them go through the work to buy me out and laugh when they can’t and sit on my ass making millions off their bad decisions. And I eventually start coaching.”
I can feel the smile break out on my face.
“And does that seem particularly likely?”
I see the thoughtful look in his eyes.
“No. I mean, except for the coaching. I really do want to do that. Someday.”
I nod, smiling.
“Someday.”
In the morning, we sleep late, both grateful for rest. While Ethan packs, I make a quick call to my mom, assuring her that I’m well and arranging for her to box up a few of my things and send them to Minneapolis. The rest I’ll get in the summer when I visit.
I also shoot a text off to Avery, knowing that I wouldn’t be here without him.
Jamie Carter 11:28 AM
Thanks, man.
For everything.
Avery Lawson 11:30 AM
It go ok?
Avery’s never been a longwinded texter, but I’m worried that his brevity means we’ve still got some work to do on our friendship.
Jamie Carter 11:32 AM
Yeah. As well as it could have.
Hey, do you want to come visit Minneapolis?
Maybe during Spring Break?
I miss you, man.
It takes a while to get a response, but from the three dots on the screen, I know it isn’t because he hasn’t seen the message. The longer it takes, the more I worry I’ve done irreparable damage to our friendship.
Avery Lawson 11:38 AM
Am I gonna be playing third wheel all week?
Jamie Carter 11:39 AM
No.
I’ll tell Ethan I’m unavailable.
I want to spend time with YOU.
Avery Lawson 11:40 AM
Maybe not unavailable.
I mean, I need to interrogate him.
Make sure he’s worthy.
But can you make sure we get some one-on-one time too? Thinking about next year’s plans.
I need my best friend.
Jamie Carter 11:41 AM
Absolutely.
On the way to the airport, I keep working through Ethan’s notifications. His Instagram is a mess – I delete the app for the time being and tell him to have Jack hire someone to deal with the account.
“You can do that?”
I laugh, realizing just how little Ethan knows - or cares - about social media.
“You should do that. They’ll monitor comments and delete and report as needed. You can also work with them on some more consistent content, if you want.”
He side-eyes me. Of course he doesn’t want that.
I return to his texts. They’re mostly under control, although there are a few that I swipe left to delete. I notice one from Sam Montgomery thanking him for the interview and asking if he’d be open to a longer sit-down over the summer.
Then, I get to one from Coach. Thinking about our conversation in the hotel room last night, I’m hesitant to open it, but even more hesitant to let Ethan tackle it alone. I open the text, bracing for the worst.
Coach Ramsey 12:03 PM
Very proud of you, Ethan.
And sorry I didn’t handle our conversation earlier this year very well.
I’d love for us to meet tomorrow to discuss ways the organization can better support you.
That brings me up short – what conversation? I hand the phone to Ethan, knowing he’ll want to respond.
“What’s he talking about? What conversation?”
His cheeks turn pink.
“Uh, probably the one where he called me a homophobe and asked if I hate gay people. If I had to guess.”
My eyes widen at this new piece of information.
“He said what?”
Ethan is typing, though the tips of his ears are still pink.
I’d always suspected Coach had stepped in when Ethan was at his worst, but I’d had no idea he’d done so much. Still, when I think of the results, I can’t exactly regret his choice.
“Hey, will you come with me?” Ethan asks, as I notice we’re nearly at the airport.
“Hmm?” I’d been distracted by my thoughts, not sure exactly what he’s asking.
“Coach wants to meet with me tomorrow. I think it’ll be fine, but I’d love a little backup, just in case.”
“Oh. Yeah, of course.”
“Besides, if he really wants to discuss supports, you should be there, too.”
“You don’t think that’s what he really wants to talk about?”
Ethan shrugs.
“I dunno. I barely know the guy. But he seems pretty aboveboard. I’m guessing he wants to talk about how it will play in the locker room.
Maybe whether there’s anything or anyone in the org who made me feel like I couldn’t do this ten years ago.
I mean, he’s new here. He probably wants to know if there’s any… toxicity he’s not aware of.”
“Is there?”