Chapter 33 #2
He thinks about this, and as he does, we pull up to the airport. He grabs his bags from the back – I’m traveling light, with just my wallet and the clothes I left Los Angeles with. We go through the check-in process and proceed to the gate. It’s already full, so we stand against a wall nearby.
“Nothing in particular. The same attitudes you’ve seen, though they’ve gotten better each year. Our old coach was…well, let’s just say my dad really liked him. But even then, it was nothing explicit. Just an overwhelming knowledge that I shouldn’t.”
I nod, knowing what he means. So often people think they’re inclusive because they don’t use certain words or because of some fucking initiative, but when the whole system is built on the idea that you shouldn’t be there, it doesn’t matter much.
“Should we…tell him?”
I can see immediately that he knows what I mean, which is good. Even I don’t dare to say this one in public. He seems undecided.
“Do you want to?”
“I…want to do this right, you know? And as two people working for the same team, I think we probably should. I don’t want them to come to us in a year or two or five and say we didn’t properly report and make that the problem.”
“A year or two or five, huh?”
I blush, realizing what I’ve given away. Still, Ethan deserves to know this.
“Yeah. I’m, uh, in this. You know?”
Damn, I wish we weren’t having this conversation in a public place. Ethan smiles, discretely twisting his pinkie finger with mine.
“Me, too, Jamie.”
We spend the night at my place. I tell Ethan it isn’t necessary, especially if he’s hoping to avoid being seen there, but he just shrugs.
“Jack has a press release ready if he needs it. Oh, and he wants your agent’s info.”
“Dave? Why?”
“So they can strategize.” He rolls his eyes at this.
To be honest, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll stick with Dave.
I’m appreciative of his willingness to take a risk when no one else would, but I can’t help but think about how aggressively Ethan’s agent has moved to not only protect him, but ensure his continued success.
Meanwhile, Dave couldn’t even get a firm idea of who wanted to sign me this summer. I wonder if he’s taking clients.
I’m grateful for the chance to shower and change into new clothes – the clubbing outfit is starting to get a little ripe, not to mention the attention it drew on the plane.
In the morning, I tell Ethan he should head out before me, avoiding the possibility of the press capturing us together. Instead, he looks out the window and shrugs again.
“It’ll be fine.”
I take a deep breath.
“Ethan, do you…want them to catch us?”
He blushes a bit.
“I mean…it wouldn’t be the worst thing.”
I walk over to where he’s standing by the door, grabbing his hands in mine.
“I’m so happy we’re together. And I hope it stays that way for a very long time.”
He frowns slightly.
“Why do I sense there’s a but coming?”
I grimace a bit.
“And we are six weeks out from the playoffs. As much as I don’t think you or me being gay is a distraction to the team, I do think having two players dating on the team and learning how to deal with that might be.”
He ducks his head, and I can tell he’s not happy to hear this. I go on.
“I do think we should tell management. I do think Jack and Dave should talk strategy about it. And I would…”
He looks up again, his eyes meeting mine.
“I would like to tell some of the guys. Slowly. The ones we know will be okay.”
His smile is back.
“I’d like that, too.”
“And you’re right – we don’t have to be so…careful. We can be friends in public.”
“Good friends.”
I roll my eyes at him.
“And after the playoffs we can talk to Jack and Dave again and make plans for the rest.”
He nods, pursing his lips.
“You’re right. I don’t like it, but you are. And, as your good friend, let’s go grab a coffee before this meeting.”
At the shop on the corner, we grab three coffees, then head for the parking lot where my car was parked.
We drive to the arena, which feels a little strange after nearly a week away.
I can see now why so many players prioritize taking this week as a break from the ice – it was a much-needed chance to be a person first and a hockey player second.
We walk through the hallways to the front office. Ethan seems to know the way, although I’ve only been here once, on my first day to shake hands and take my first headshots. Ramsey appears to be waiting for us – or, at least, waiting for Ethan, given that he seems surprised to see me.
“Good morning, Ethan! And…Jamie? Did you two run into each other here?”
Ethan laughs, handing over Coach’s coffee.
“Nah, I asked him to join us. Hope that’s okay.”
“Of course, let’s head to my office.”
I knew Ramsey had an office on the lower level, near the locker room, but he apparently has another up here. Unlike the downstairs office, which generally has at least three coffee mugs and a pile of sketched-out plays littering the desk, this one is pristine.
My worry raises again, concerned that he wants to meet with Ethan in this place – one that’s clearly more suited to hirings and firings. I’m glad I came along.
“Well, as I communicated with your agent when he notified us, we are happy to support your choice to come out.”
He sounds more…corporate…than I’ve ever heard him, which isn’t helping ease my worries. Ethan seems to share my concerns, squinting at Ramsey.
“Coach, what’s this about? You sound like a fucking publicity robot.”
Ramsey laughs gently, then gestures for us to sit down.
“Well, first of all, I’d like to make sure you’re not planning to get me fired for calling a gay man homophobic. You probably could, if you want.”
Ethan smiles at that.
“Why would I do that? I was being homophobic.”
At this, a small smile lifts the corners of Ramsey’s mouth.
“Yeah, you were.”
“Besides, you’ve been a great coach. You called me on shit I needed called on and we’re playing better as a result. The end.”
He lets out a deep exhale.
“Ok. Great.”
“And Coach,” I jump in, “thanks for having my back on that.”
He laughs, but I truly am grateful.
“No problem, Carter. I’ll do it again if I need to.”
I know he will, which is why I want to keep playing here, regardless of those first weeks.
“So you two are, uh, good now?” He looks between us, clearly still unsure of why I’m here. Ethan jumps in.
“Yeah, Coach. We’re good. We’re…dating, actually.”
Ramsey picks up the coffee cup and takes a long sip, and I wonder if he wishes we’d brought him something stronger. He sets it down and sits staring at us, blinking.
“You good there, Coach?”
He nods, attempting a smile that looks more like a grimace.
“Yeah, yes, definitely. So, this is you officially disclosing your relationship status to the team, right?”
The way he looks at us, it doesn’t seem like we have much of a choice. We must pause just a moment too long.
“Because, gentlemen, shit can hit the fan real quick if you don’t do this right. As we all learned this February.”
I can feel my eyes widen as Ethan examines his shoes.
“We, uh, hadn’t really planned to tell the whole team. Right now, we want to focus on the playoffs,” I reassure him.
Ethan nods, though he moves his arm to rest on the back of my chair.
“Sure. But there’s a difference between ‘telling the guys’ and ‘making a full legal disclosure to cover everyone’s contractual asses’. And you are doing the latter, right?”
“Um, yes. Sir.”
“Alexei already knows, too.”
Coach nods.
“It will definitely help that I know. I kept wondering if I needed to pull you in, but I was worried you’d think we were planning to send you down.”
He isn’t wrong.
“Now I know I can just tell you to pull your heads out of your asses next time.”
We both laugh at that.
“I’ll pass the info along to Greg and ownership, make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed.”
I look to Ethan – again, he’s got years more experience with these people than I do.
“How do you think ownership will handle it?”
Ramsey leans back in the chair, considering the question carefully.
“The old man’s been passing off more and more duties to his granddaughter, and I think she’ll take it well. I’ll tell her first, and let her decide what to tell Gramps?”
We agree with the plan, and Coach starts to pack up his things.
“Now that this is taken care of, I can go back to my real office.”
We laugh, and Ethan holds out a hand to shake.
“Thanks again, Coach.”
“For what?”
Ethan looks over his shoulder at me and smiles.
“I never could have done it without you.”