Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
ETHAN
In the blink of an eye, it’s time to return to work. We have mandatory practices on Sunday and Monday, with a home game against Tampa on Tuesday. Usually after the All Star Break, the locker room is abuzz with the latest gossip – who broke up, who got engaged, how were the beaches.
To some extent, that’s still true. Gagnon broke up with his flavor of the month, a girl none of us remember ever meeting outside Instagram.
Mac did not get engaged to Hailey – and frankly, doesn’t seem eager to talk about it.
And according to Price, the only thing hotter than the beach in Cabo were the girls in the hotel room next door.
Gross.
But over it all, there’s a blanket of awkwardness. I catch a few glances from the guys, and somehow no one asks how my All Star Break was. Of course not – they all saw it play out in 4K. I debate whether to bring it up, but decide to focus on hockey instead.
It’s good to get back out on the ice, to feel my skates cutting into the fresh surface. It’s also clear that for some of the guys, the week away from the ice has mostly been spent drinking – Price is particularly slow this morning, going a little green during some of the skating drills.
But Carter doesn’t miss a step, his footwork just as crisp as it was a week ago – crisper, even, now that he’s not so in his head about our relationship.
He’s making passes and finding lanes and I think back to that table of veterans at the All Star Game, thrilled with the knowledge that they’re terrified of this Jamie Carter.
Not because he’s gay, but because he’s a fucking menace on the ice.
Koskinen, in particular, seems frustrated to have Jamie back in peak shape.
In one drill, he continually finds himself on the back foot, never quite able to get to Jamie in time to stop the play.
I can tell it’s getting to him, his face going hard and his shoulders tight.
He makes adjustments, but they’re the wrong adjustments; now he’s committing too soon to his path and Jamie knows exactly what to do with that.
He sees the tell and immediately shifts the other way, skating a clean circle around Koski.
It only takes two attempts for Koskinen’s frustration to boil over, throwing his stick across the ice. Coach blows his whistle, calling us all to center ice.
“Alright, boys. I think that’s enough for today. You’re looking good, generally. Don’t forget your nutrition and hydration; it’s time to lock in for the last part of the season. Okay?”
A series of nods go around the circle.
“Okay. Koski, stay back for a second.”
We skate off the ice, but just like a bunch of middle schoolers whose friend got called in to see the principal, our eyes don’t leave Koskinen. His shoulders are hunched and even though Coach’s body language says Just talk to me, it doesn’t seem like he’s listening.
In the locker room, we proceed with showers, although the room is even more subdued than it was before practice.
Eventually, Koski comes back in, taking off everything but his base layer before sitting in his stall with his head in his hands.
The boys have started to head out – Lindy to an ultrasound appointment for Astrid, Mac to a charity appearance at a local non-profit.
No one approaches Koski, and I realize it’s probably going to fall to me as captain. I’ve known the kid for a couple of years, and I’ve never seen him like this. I sit in Lindy’s stall, just next to him.
“You okay, kid?”
He grunts, and I’m tempted to let it go. Still, to make this team a real contender, we’ve gotta deal with stuff like this.
“If you wanna get back on the ice, we can run some drills. Work on path selection. Everyone’s a little rusty after the break, it’ll be fine.”
He looks up at me, the look in his eyes not one I’ve ever seen before. It’s almost…hateful.
“I don’t want your fucking help.”
I’m shocked at his tone, dripping with disdain. Before I can think of a response, he shoves his things into a duffel and storms from the room, slamming the door behind him. Everyone’s eyes turn to the door, astonished by his reaction.
Everyone but Jamie, who is looking at me, concern on his face. I bite my lip, trying not to show how much his words have hurt me.
Across the room, Zach snorts, the sound more sarcastic than joyful.
“Maybe he’s afraid it is contagious.”
He follows Koski out the door, and it feels like a line has been drawn. Us vs. them.
Alexei is the first to speak up.
“I will talk to them.”
“No, don’t. Not now. Koski’s pissed about getting shown up. He’s not going to listen. And Price is still half-drunk and fully up his own ass. Let them go.”
Thinking about his texts while I was in Vegas, I add, “And don’t call the Russian mob.”
His pout makes me think Price should be thanking me for the continued health of his kneecaps.
“I must do something, Ethan. They are wrong.”
I roll my eyes.
“Them and about six hundred other NHL players. We’re not going to fix it today. You want to do something?”
He nods.
“Then come over for dinner tonight, yeah? I missed you guys.”
I can tell he still wants to do more, to march after them and give them a piece of his mind. But I’m only asking for this – his friendship and no more.
“I will get food. Pizza?”
“How much pizza did you eat over the Break?”
He rolls his eyes at me.
“What, are you part of the nutrition team now? Fine, I’ll go to the Mediterranean place. Does that work?”
I nod my assent. Jamie is still monitoring me, and I’m sure he’s thinking about how I’ll deal with this rejection. Am I mad? Sure. I’ve spent hours - days - helping Koski with his game, making sure that every time he came up from Des Moines I was there to welcome him.
If he wants to be a dickhead, I guess that’s his choice. But there are plenty of people who aren’t.
Sutter and Matty are in the corner, and I remember how well they took care of Jamie while we were apart. I also remember him telling me how much he’d wished he could tell them everything, that he really thought they’d get it. I decide to trust his instincts.
“Sutts, Matty, Mac, you wanna come?”
Matthews looks surprised, but a smile spreads over Sutter’s face.
“Yeah Cap, I’m in.”
Mac fishes out his phone.
“Let me just give Hailey a heads up, yeah?”
Matty jumps in a second later.
“Of course. Alexei’s place?”
I think about it – I’ve never had anyone but Alexei and Jamie over to my place, never wanted to. But if I’m going to build a support system here – and I am – then I think it’s time to start.
“Nah, we’ll go to mine.”
We head to the parking lot, and Jamie comes to a stop next to his Subaru.
“Have a nice dinner, ok?”
The confusion must show on my face.
“Aren’t you coming?”
He bites his lower lip; it’s cute as fuck and makes me want to do the same.
“I, uh, wasn’t sure if I was invited.”
I roll my eyes, the only possible response to this.
“Babe. You’re always invited. Besides, why would Sutter and Matty want to hang out with me?”
He blushes at the term of endearment, which only makes me want to use them more.
“I just…I talked with Avery about our friendship, and how I really started blowing it as a friend once we started fucking, and I want to make sure you don’t do that with Alexei.”
I press my lips together. We’d spoken briefly about his conversations with Avery, but it’s clear he’s still hurting.
“Is that gonna be ok? With Avery?”
He looks at his feet.
“Yeah, I think so. He agreed to come visit in a couple weeks. I, uh, told him I’d make him the priority while he’s here. That’s…ok, right?”
I gently hold his chin, lifting it so he’ll look in my eyes.
“Of course that’s ok. And you’re right – I should make sure to spend more one-on-one time with Alexei. When we weren’t talking, I realized how little he and I had spoken since fall.”
He nods his head.
“Although, Avery does want to meet you…or interrogate you. I’m not sure which.”
I cringe slightly, sure that interrogate is the closer choice.
“Well, don’t you think my best friend also wants to meet you?”
He shrugs slightly at this.
“What about Sutter and Matty?”
“You told me they’d been good to you. That you wish you could have told them more. So let’s tell them more.”
He goes pale.
“Tonight?”
I shrug. I probably should have run this by him, but it just made sense in the moment.
“I figure we don’t have to tell them, necessarily, we can just…not not tell them. You know?”
He looks at me, holding my gaze for a moment longer than necessary. Then, a smirk blooms across his face.
“That could be fun.”
Back at my place, I change into more comfortable clothes. Jamie was swinging by his place quickly to change and grab a few things, then heading back here. I do a quick pass-through of the apartment, clearing mail off of the dining room table I’ve never used.
After ten minutes, I hear a knock at the door, opening it to find Sutter, Matthews, and Mac standing behind Jamie. I can see the curiosity in their eyes, glancing into my apartment.
Damn. I was hoping Jamie would show up early enough that we could make out for a bit before the guys showed up. I guess I could give him a kiss right here, but I was hoping to ease them in a little more than that.
I decide to start small. I notice the duffel bag at Jamie’s side, hiding as far from Sutter as he can get it.
“Hey, let me grab that for you.” I take the duffel from his shoulder, then show the guys into the apartment. As we walk through to the living room, I point out the kitchen, the bathroom, the hallway to the bedrooms.
“Let me put this down and grab you guys something to drink.” As I turn to the bedroom, I see Sutter’s eyebrow raise. Matthews, on the other hand, is focused on the view out the window. Jamie is bright pink, which is frankly giving more away than I have.
On my way back from putting the duffel in my bedroom, I stop by the kitchen. I send a quick text to Alexei, warning him that the rest of the guys don’t know yet, and grab a handful of beers from the fridge.