Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
Itold Cernunnos the worst of me, the secrets I long held in a dark locked box pushed deep down in my heart. And he listened, never judging, never asking questions. He merely held me and let me talk.
When I finally finished, my throat was hoarse and my soul wrung dry.
His fingers still toyed in my hair, the motion sending waves of relaxation over me. My eyes grew heavy, the fire’s warmth and his body heat combining to lull me into rest.
I barely recognized Cernunnos lifting me, so tired I couldn’t murmur a protest. He laid me down in a soft bed and pulled the covers over my body.
“Rest, Moira,” he said quietly, his finger tracing down my jaw. “You are safe.”
For once in my life, in the home of a god, I believed him.
I was safe.
Finally.
The smell of woodsmoke and coffee woke me the next morning. Or I thought it was morning. Hard to tell in this realm. A hot cup of tea sat on the old nightstand. I smiled when I lifted the mug to my nose, the scent of bergamot curling through the air.
Earl Grey. Mmm. A small silver tray of cream and sugar sat beside the lamp. I doctored my tea, took a few fortifying sips of caffeine and got out of bed, my bare feet hitting warm wooden flooring. I liked this place.
It was wild, like Cernunnos, but cozy, like Evie.
A glance down made me pause. The world went a little sideways when I realized I was in silk pajamas, a pale pink camisole and matching bottoms. I took a beat to remember Cernunnos did not have to undress me.
The dude was made of literal magic. A small snap of his fingers and he could turn this place into a mansion and have me dripping in diamonds.
A slow breath released from my tight chest. He’d thoughtfully left a pair of slippers at the edge of the bed. I slipped them on, added the matching robe he’d slung over a chair, and walked out of the bedroom.
I felt freer today, more unburdened than I had in years. No doubt I had an issue on my hands when I returned home, but right now, I was safe in this strange cabin with a god who’d protected me at my most vulnerable.
Making a beeline for the kettle, I spotted Cernunnos sitting on the small deck, one ankle crossed over his knee. He wore a pair of cotton pants and a quarter zip pullover today, a pair of beat up boat shoes on his feet.
A chuckle slipped from my lips. He looked like a nepo baby on a mountain vacation. Once I had my mug topped off, I slid open the screen door and took the seat beside him.
This view was incredible. In the distance, mountains scraped the sky, a low fog cutting off the tips, lending a humid touch to the air. Green pine trees were everywhere, the scent of them sharp to my senses.
“Morning,” he murmured.
I curled up in my seat and watched the horizon. “Morning.”
“How’d you sleep?”
I thought about it and realized I didn’t remember a single thing once my head hit the pillow. Unusual for me. “Better than I have in years,” I admitted.
Cernunnos grunted. “You were safe. That’s why.”
I shrugged. “Listen, I should—”
“Do not insult me by thanking me, Moira.” He sent me a disapproving look.
I blinked.
“You are my daughter’s best friend, but more importantly, I feel like you are beginning to be my friend.”
My heart warmed.
“Isn’t that what friends do?”
I had to chuckle. “Not new friends,” I admitted. “If I’d done that to someone I didn’t know that well, they might have left me to fend for myself.”
“Then they are not meant to be your friend.”
He made it sound so simple. Maybe it was to someone like him.
“Do you have friends?” I asked.
Cernunnos shrugged, a human gesture on a male who was anything but. “It’s impossible for someone like me to have true friends. I have people I can trust for small things, but who will do those things while calculating how they might be able to use the favor against me in the future.”
I let out a soft gasp. “That’s horrible.”
He nodded, his face unreadable. “Then you understand how I wish to receive no thanks from you.”
I did. “I’d never do that to you,” I said quietly. “We are very different in power levels, and I’m not sure what kind of favor you’d ever need from me, but if you needed one, I would never hold it against you.”
He turned to look at me, his swirling eyes ancient and terrible.
“Do you swear?”
Magic lifted in the air, twirling my loose hair around my shoulders.
I smiled sadly at him. “You don’t need to use magic to know my vow is true, Cernunnos.
It hurts my feelings you think you must.” I touched my chest. “But yes, I swear it. If you ever have need of me, you can call on me no matter where I am or who I am with, and I will help you.”
He stared at me for a long moment. “And you can do the same.”
I felt the truth of his words in my chest. “I would never take advantage of you.”
A small smile. “I know, little goddess.”
His magic fell away, leaving only the fresh air and a gentle breeze. “Thank you for the tea. It’s my favorite kind.”
“I know. Evie told me.”
I stiffened. “She knows I’m here.”
“My daughter believes you were injured, and I took you to a healer in the fae realm. As far as she knows, you’re staying overnight for observation. She’s informed Soren and Ethan.”
I sighed. “I hate that you had to lie to her.”
“I didn’t,” Cernunnos said simply. “I chose to. This was a simple white lie, Moira, and one I will not do again. I encourage you to tell her what you told me.”
My fingers tightened around my cup. “I can’t.”
He looked away. “Do you think after all Evie did for everyone else, she would judge you for something that was never your fault?”
“No. Never.”
He fell silent for a moment. “Then I do not understand why you haven’t told her about your past and the evils that have befallen you.”
I wouldn’t have admitted this to anyone else, and I wasn’t sure why I admitted it to him, but he and I were full of firsts these days. “Because I am ashamed.”
Cernunnos’s eyes widened with surprise. He set his mug down and stood, turning to loom over me. He held out his hand. “Come.”
I frowned. “This chair is comfy, and I haven’t had a second cup of tea yet…”
He rolled his eyes and plucked me out of the chair with ease, curling my body against his chest.
“Cernunnos!”
He grinned and leapt over the edge of his deck, carrying me through the woods at a breakneck pace.
I don’t know how long he ran. Just when I was starting to feel guilty for being a lazy sack of potatoes, he stopped and set me down. We stood in a fairy circle, dotted with Amanita Muscaria mushrooms, their pretty red and white caps glimmering with dew.
Note to self, gather some of those and take them home. Maybe I could convince Evie to do fae shrooms with me. She was on board for a lot more than normal shenanigans these days.
Power permeated this place, deep and ancient fae magic similar to the male I stood with.
He lifted his hand. “Come,” he commanded.
Animals of all shapes and sizes thundered through the forest, stopping a respectful distance away.
My breath caught in my throat. Most animals didn’t mind me, but some got a little skittish.
None of these animals seemed to mind my presence.
In fact, they came closer once Cernunnos gestured and watched me.
An adorable red and white fox sniffed at my feet, chittered, then sat on its haunches, and stared at me. Cernunnos pressed something into my hand.
I opened my palm to see a handful of berries.
“Go ahead,” he urged. “He’s the most curious about you.”
I slowly crouched and held open my palm. The fox watched me for a moment before slowly creeping forward, its paws silent on the moist leaf litter. It sniffed my hand before gently taking a berry and skittering a few feet away.
I smiled. “It’s adorable.”
“He,” Cernunnos corrected. “Ember is curious to his own detriment sometimes, but he’s a loyal and brave companion.”
“You know all these animals by name?”
His eyes glimmered with amusement. “I know all the wild things by their name, Moira. Evie might be the fae queen, but I still rule over all animal kind.”
I didn’t know that. Made sense now that I was standing here surrounded by dozens of animals. “Does Evie know?”
He grinned. “If it were up to Evie, I’d be king of everything so she could grow her flowers and roll around with that husband of hers in peace.”
I snorted. “True.”
The fox came back and sniffed. I opened my palm to give him another berry. This time, he bumped my knee with his head and rubbed his cheek against me.
“Awww.”
“Ember is asking for a head scratch.”
Hesitant, I lifted my fingers. The fox rubbed his soft head against my palm. Tears sprang to my eyes. “Hi, little guy.”
Cernunnos sat cross-legged on the ground. A few animals came and curled up beside him. One, a small coyote, curled up in his lap.
This was so freaking cool. I could stay out here all day. No—all year. Maybe even for the rest of my life.
“Shame is a fickle thing, Moira.”
My body went stiff.
“The emotion is triggered by outer occurrences and our inner self. Everything you went through was chosen to degrade you. Nothing that happened to you was your fault. You were an innocent, tender child forced to grow up far too soon. The only shame in that is the loss of your childhood.”
“I know all of this,” I said, my voice hoarse despite the early hour.
“Your mind knows,” he said gently. “Your body still holds on tight, clinging to what it knows.”
I sank to the ground. Ember sniffed at my knee, looked up at me, and put one paw on my thigh.
I patted my lap, not thinking for a moment that he’d curl up with me, but the fox surprised me. In one pounce, Ember was in my lap, curled into a little apostrophe, his tail tucked around his head. My hand rested on his side, gently running my fingers through his fur.
Somehow, Ember knew I needed comfort. Animals were far smarter than humans gave them credit for.
“How do I fix this?” I asked.
Cernunnos said nothing for a little while. “How are you feeling today?”
I frowned. “Better than yesterday.”
“Better than before yesterday?”
I knew what he was getting at. “It helped to talk about it,” I grumbled.
“Humans and paranormals are more alike than they think. You, gods touched, are less like them and more like us, but your heart remains firmly human. Evie loves you more than anyone in her life, maybe even more than her Rowan. If there is anyone who will understand, it’s her.”
“I’ve lied to her for years.”
“Evie lied to everyone, too. She will not judge you for protecting yourself when she did the same thing to everyone else in her life.”
He was right. “I’ll try.”
“Good.” He reached out for the deer snuffling his shoulder and patted it on the nose. “We have to go back soon.”
“I know.”
“Where would you like to go?”
“Home, if you don’t mind.” I glanced down at myself. “Can I keep the pajamas?”
“Of course.” He paused. “You like them?”
“I’d be a fool not to appreciate real silk in pajama form.”
He offered a small smile. “Good. I was not sure what to do last night. Sleeping in boots and a jacket seemed uncomfortable.”
I reached over and patted his arm. “Thank you.”
Cernunnos inclined his head. “You are welcome, Moira.”
We sat in silence until the sun was high overhead. Even then, the temperature remained cool. “Should we go back?”
I sighed. “We should. My cell doesn’t work here. I probably have a dozen messages and missed calls.”
He glanced at me. “It most certainly does. I hope you don’t mind, but I silenced those calls. There have been no emergencies.”
On one hand, that was a little presumptive. On the other, this was the most quiet I’d had in years. “Alright, but next time, please ask.”
“Deal.”
I looked down at Ember. “Aww. He’s so peaceful I hate to move him.”
“Would you like to take him with you?”
I gawked at Cernunnos. “What? This is his home?”
“Rowan has hundreds of acres, does he not?”
“Err. Yes. But it’s full of wolves and bears! Would he get eaten?”
He laughed. “No. Ember is a being of magic. He also happens to be a clever fox.”
I stroked a hand down Ember’s soft fur. “I don’t want to take him away from this place. It’s amazing.”
“Very well.” He smiled down at the sleeping fox. “But do not be surprised if Ember finds you of his own volition when he realizes you are gone.”
With that, I carefully eased the fox from my lap into a soft pile of leaves and took Cernunnos’s hand.
I could no longer put off the inevitable.