Chapter 14
Chapter
Fourteen
“Iknow you’re there,” I said to the darkness as I tossed my keys onto the kitchen counter and kicked off my shoes.
My living room lamp flicked on, revealing Ethan in the shadows. He hadn’t shaved in at least a day, giving him a rugged, dangerous look. His eyes looked black in the low light, the irises outlined with a soft ring of gold.
I paused. “Ethan?”
“Where have you been?”
His emotions were running high, but I was not his wife or his girlfriend. “You broke into my home. Again. We talked about this, Ethan. This is my space, and you need permission to enter.”
He ignored everything I said. “Where have you been?”
I shrugged my jacket off and filled the kettle with water. “You know where I’ve been.”
“You smell like him,” he growled.
That one wasn’t worth a response. I brought two mugs down from the cabinet.
Few people liked tea as much as I did, but Ethan would drink whatever I put in front of him with no complaint.
Setting a tea strainer filled with a teaspoon of Earl Grey in each mug, I set them aside to wait for the water to finish boiling.
“Did you hear me?”
I ignored him again, the tension in the air scratching at the back of my neck. The kettle finally signaled. I filled both mugs, added a little cream and stirred.
When I looked at Ethan once more, there was no midnight left in his eyes. The gold was so warm and bright, it cast a molten glow over my living room.
I clicked my tongue and pushed a mug at him. “Drink,” I demanded.
The command made him frown, but Ethan took the mug, the gesture stiff. He didn’t want to listen to me, but I was taking care of him and no male shifter would ignore his urge.
I curled into my reading chair and sipped my tea, waiting for Ethan to calm the hell down.
Our time together blurred boundaries. There was an undeniable physical element to our relationship—casual touches and brushes of hands over skin—but never any heated intimacy. Ethan wouldn’t allow such, and I respected his needs.
Only later had I realized in doing so, I’d ignored my own.
He lifted the mug and sipped. I waited a full five minutes for that glow in his eyes to die.
“You are not my mate,” I said matter-of-factly. “You are not my husband, my boyfriend, or my lover. I have the right to come home smelling like any male or female I wish. I can take a lover—fae, shifter, Lord, human, vampire…whatever I wish, and you have no right to question me about my decision.”
That glow started up again. He opened his mouth to argue. I lifted my hand. “I’m not finished, Ethan.”
“We’ve had this conversation before. I can’t continue doing this. You’ve made your wishes clear multiple times. You’ve said you don’t want me. This time I’m choosing to believe you. If you don’t want me, stop breaking into my home and demanding explanations you don’t deserve.”
“Moira.” He was hanging on the edge of violence. “You can’t—”
“I can, and I will. When I lived at your Keep, you are the one who pushed our intimacy into something other than just friends. Even then I respected your rules.” I slowly shook my head.
“But I don’t deserve this hot and cold treatment you’re giving me.
I deserve to be held and loved and taken care of, and I deserve a man who does all of those things—not just one and demands me to behave as if he’s all three. ”
Ethan’s nostrils flared. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t. And you’ve never helped me understand your reasoning. I—” This is where things could all go wrong. I had to tread lightly.
“There must have been someone in your life you loved so much.”
He went rigid, his knuckles turning white around the mug.
“We all deserve to have that in our life at least once,” I said softly. “You trying to prevent me from having such is unfair and you know it.”
Ethan’s eyes took on the strange tinge of gold and blue. “I can’t.”
I dipped my head. “I know.”
Moisture glimmered in his eyes. “Whoever she was to make you love her so fiercely must have been wonderful, Ethan. I’m so glad you had someone who loved you like you deserved.”
He looked away, then down at his mug. “I didn’t deserve her.”
My heart broke. “Oh. You did. I promise you.”
Ethan shook his head. “No. I didn’t. She was everything bright and wonderful, and I blew into her life and brought her darkness.”
This was the most he’d ever shared. None of the Lords knew exactly what had happened to Ethan, and none had pried enough to find out.
Some thought he had a wife; others thought he had a mate.
Some said she died; some said she left. Ethan never spoke about his past, nor did he date that anyone knew of.
I never saw any women visiting his Keep, other than shifters on business or the occasional mage.
I leaned forward. “No matter how much darkness is in someone’s life, having such a love makes everything brighter. Cherish those moments and remember her during those times.”
The light in his eyes began to dim.
“There’s something between us. We both know it.
But I’m done hoping for you to come around.
I’ll be a wonderful friend to you; the best you’ve ever had.
” I set my mug down and watched him. “Today is the last time you’ll come into my home unannounced.
If you want to see me, you call. You will no longer demand to know where I am or who I’m with.
” I let him see how serious I was. “If you do, our friendship will be over.”
Ethan let out a heavy breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”
My sentiments exactly. “I deserve better than this and you know it.”
He rose and drained his mug. “Thank you for the tea.”
I nodded. “You’re welcome.”
Ethan rinsed his mug out and set it on the side of the sink. When he turned around, his expression was unreadable. “I apologize for my behavior. It won’t happen again.”
“You are my friend, Ethan. If I can’t have you in my life in the way I want, I’ll take you how I can get you.”
He looked down at his feet and exhaled.
“But you can’t have the best of both worlds. It’s unfair to me.”
“I understand.” When he lifted his head, his eyes were glowing again. “Evie said you were injured. Are you alright?”
I nodded. “Her dad took good care of me.”
His jaw tightened at that, but he didn’t demand to know exactly how he’d taken care of me. A step in the right direction as far as I was concerned.
“Is Soren alright?”
A flash of a grin brightened his face. “He’s real pissed about the cat shifters, but they helped him deter the witches. He’s good for now.” His expression sobered. “Something happened there. Something big. Want to talk about it?”
I slowly shook my head. “The witches are going to be a bigger problem than we expected. I’m not entirely sure they’re there for Soren.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Oh?”
“Don’t get me wrong. They definitely want to kill him and will happily make that a side quest, but I think their purpose is bigger than initially thought.”
He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “You’re going back into his area?”
“Not for a day or two. I need rest and research. Does Soren have eyes on them?”
“Can’t say. You need some?”
“Cernunnos told them they had to be off the territory by…” I grimaced. “Hours ago. If we lose them, I can’t say for sure we’ll find them again.”
“I’ll call Soren as soon as I leave. Get some rest. I’ll text you when I hear something.”
“Alright.” My body was already urging me to curl up on the couch for a nap. The events of yesterday were catching up. I might have slept a full night last night, but released trauma takes a while for the physical body to heal. By tomorrow, I hoped to be up to full speed.
“Thanks, Ethan.”
He nodded and walked to the door, turning once he opened it. “I won’t stop taking care of you,” he said quietly. “No demands, Moira. I promise. But I’ll be damned if I see you suffer and do nothing.”
“I’ll do the same for you,” I promised.
Ethan surprised me. I expected setting boundaries would end poorly, but the Lord had taken it well. Or, as well as a Lord could take someone putting their foot down.
“I don’t like the thought of you taking a lover, Moira. Knowing someone else has their hands on you makes me want to tear the world apart.”
I swallowed hard.
“But I hear what you’re saying. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. I will do my best to control my urges, but I suggest if you do take a lover, you shower before you visit.”
Heat flamed my cheeks. “Ethan!”
His irises ringed with gold. “I know you didn’t sleep with that god, but he had his hands on you for a lengthy amount of time. Whatever transpired between you two resulted in intimacy far greater than you’ve ever allowed him.”
Before I could yell at him that it was none of his business, Ethan smiled. “You should know one more thing before I leave. Taking a lover won’t get me out of your head, darling. And I want you to know anyone you take to your bed will never be able to satisfy you like I can.”
“You—you tease!”
Ethan chuckled. “Maybe I’m just waiting for the right time.”
I chucked my good mug right at his head, but he was too quick. Ceramic shattered against the sheetrock, putting a perfect circle dent in the wall.
The door shut on his soft laughter.
Arrogant ass.