Chapter 15
Chapter
Fifteen
ETHAN
“You idiot,” Rowan said fondly.
We sat around a campfire deep in the heart of his territory, only the wildlife to keep us company.
“You know why I can’t,” I growled.
He shook his head. “No. I know why you won’t. There’s a big difference.”
There was no judgment in his tone or his eyes. I’d never told anyone about Sarah before Rowan, the pain still unbearable all these years later. She was the one thing I never wanted to share.
I selfishly hoarded all those memories with her, unwilling to speak about her with anyone, and resigned myself to living a long life alone. When I grew weary of immortality without her, I planned to go into the forest and lie down and die, opening myself up and gifting my life force to the earth.
And then I met Moira. We rarely spoke at first, and Soren had eyes on her. I had nothing to offer her and did my best to put her out of my mind.
Then the wench broke into my house and spied on me, her intoxicating scent permeating the entire house, and I found myself borderline obsessed.
Every time I was around her, I lost my damned mind.
“She’s right,” Rowan said gently.
“I know.” Admitting it pissed me off. Waiting on her to come home had made me want to tear down her apartment.
Smelling Cernunnos all over her skin made me want to sling Moira over my shoulder and imprint only my scent onto her soul.
Dangerous thoughts and even more dangerous urges.
She already carried my scent, but he’d washed most of it away.
Whatever happened yesterday must have been intense for her to let him hold her like he had undoubtedly done.
Moira wasn’t free with her affection. Not with me, not with Rowan’s shifters. Only with Evie, Ash, and Tess, and even then, she hesitated to reach out. Something had happened to her in her past. I could smell it sometimes in her odd reactions to things.
The other Lord sighed and tossed an acorn into the fire. “I don’t know Moira as well as Evie. Hell. No one does. The vampire is stingy with any information about herself. Sometimes I wonder if Evie realizes how closed off she is.”
“She doesn’t care,” I said. “Moira would die for Evie, and she’d do the same for Moira.”
“Friendship is funny like that,” Rowan mused. “And so is love.”
“I’m not in love with her,” I muttered.
“Maybe not. But I remember how I felt every time I saw Evie with Caelan.” He slid a look my way. “And my situation was admittedly worse.”
I snorted. “Don’t know how you stood that.”
“Bears are patient, stealthy hunters, wolf. We can wait for long periods before we go in for the kill.” Rowan grinned like a cat who’d gotten the canary.
The bastard had. He was mated and married and now the undisputed most powerful Shifter Lord in the world. Looking at him, you’d never know. He was the same Rowan he’d always been. Steady and patient and only violent when he needed to be.
Unlike the rest of us.
Guess being a bear had its perks sometimes.
“She says she wants to be my friend.”
“Then be her friend.”
I slid a look his way. “Is that how you got Evie?”
Rowan nodded. “You have to mean it, Ethan. If I had lied to Evie about being her friend, she would have figured me out and tossed me out on my ear. Rightfully so. I loved her enough to wait for her to be ready, and that meant being her friend. And only her friend.”
I grunted. “Being friends with a woman is a novel concept.”
“Rule one is keeping your hands to yourself. Open doors for her. Offer a hand to help her down the steps. A hand at the small of her back for pictures or escorting her inside. No intimate touches. No pushing her for something you aren’t one hundred percent ready to give.”
“She called me a tease.” I’d laughed, but her words pissed me off because, once again, she was right. I had been teasing her.
“Careful,” Rowan warned. “I’ve got a few dozen shifters who’d happily take her to bed. Push her far enough and she might take them up on the offer. You’re lucky she hasn’t done so already.”
Rowan chuckled at the glow in my eyes. “You don’t have the right to get angry at her over taking a lover if you aren’t willing to be hers.”
“Godsdammit, Rowan, I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“You don’t,” he agreed, “but you better shut the fuck up if she does. Say nothing. Grit your teeth and bear it.” Rowan tilted his face up to the sky. “My situation is extremely different from yours. If you aren’t sure you’ll ever be ready, you might be better off staying away from Moira for good.”
I’d considered that, too. The thought of not seeing her again made something dark and ugly twist in my heart, but maybe it was for the best. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.
“She’d understand,” Rowan said. “Moira is just as emotionally intelligent as Evie. They all are.” He shook his head. “I’ve never seen such a group of different paranormals live in harmony like they have. Boggles the mind honestly.”
“They’re all good people who love each other. I have a few like them living on Keep grounds.”
“Doesn’t bother you?”
I shrugged. “Not at all. They contribute and keep their noses clean. Who am I to give a shit what branch of tree they’re from?”
Rowan nodded. “I’m the same. There’s a new fae in town I’m wondering about, though. She’s got a talent with metal that makes my nose itch. Moira likes her. Evie likes her work. I wonder if she’s going to bring trouble to my doorstep.”
“What’s her name?” I had contacts all over the world. If he was worried about her, it was better to know in advance who she was and if she had anything sketchy in her past.
“Ari Tavish.”
“Nickname?”
He nodded. “I’ll dig out her paperwork. If you can find anything out, I’d appreciate the help.”
“No problem.”
Rowan grinned. “And maybe having something to do with your time will keep you from sniffing around Moira’s doorstep like a lost puppy.”
“Asshole.”
His bark of laughter dragged a reluctant smile to my face. Moira was a problem for me, but for tonight I could pretend like I was a normal guy spending outdoor time with a friend.
Maybe I could forget the unending pain in my heart for just a little while.