Chapter Nineteen #2
I leaned my head in my hand. “Seriously?” He nodded.
“It shaped how I see mating, and scent sharing. My mother made sure I understood how much it could ruin someone.” He took a deep breath.
“That’s why I always held myself back from you.
I have scented you, and I knew you weren’t my mate.
” He met my eyes. “I prayed to the Goddess that I was wrong.” He shook his head.
“It was silly, but true.” He groaned as he sat back.
“I’ll never be able to let myself be free around you.
Never share everything with you. And you deserve that. Even from a chosen mate.”
His words hit me. “Rowan.”
He waved me off. “You do.” He stood up from the table. “I have spent these last few years, getting close to you as Thoth, and I know that was a cruel thing to do. But I had no other way to talk to you. Your father made sure of that. But when he came to me with a compromise, I jumped at it.”
“Rowan.”
“I’m sorry, okay?” He started to pace. “I’m sorry I listened to your father and stayed away. I’m sorry I made you feel abandoned. I’m sorry that I pretended to be Thoth to be able to talk to you.”
I stood and grabbed my bottle of wine and chugged it. Nix stood up on her feet. Are you doing what I think you are doing?
I ignored her questions and finished my bottle. “Rowan.”
“Amy please, I know I have treated you like a piece of shit. And to be fair, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I am asking for it.
” He had walked halfway across my room, and I followed him.
“Even if you can’t forgive me fully. Can you please just give me an inch?
Can we be friends?” He whirled to find me behind him and he jumped.
“Fucking hell.” He settled. “I need you in my life, Amy. In any form you will give me.”
“Rowan.” I grabbed his face.
“What?” He looked confused.
“You have never scented me.” I dropped my hands as his face fell.
“Yeah, I have.” He shook his head.
“Rowan. No, you haven’t.” I shook my head as I stepped back. “You always scented me and said I smelled wrong, because you were right. I had to hide my scent from Brandon. But you can’t be selective about how your scent is shared.” He nodded.
“I know.” He shook his head. He wasn’t understanding what I was saying.
I snorted. “Do you?” I raised an eyebrow. “Because I don’t think you do. A wolf without a scent is an abomination, so I couldn’t just stop my scent all together.”
“Smart actually. I figured you stopped it around Brandon.” He still looked confused.
“You know that isn’t true. You have been around me when Brandon was.” I poked his chest. “I need you to use that big brain of yours and think. If I needed to hide my scent, but couldn’t not have a scent, what option did I have left?”
He stared at me for a second. “I don’t know.”
I smiled and poked his forehead this time. “I had to change my scent so that he couldn’t recognize me as his mate.”
He shook his head, “I know…”
I threw my head back and laughed. “That means that I had to use the same scent for everyone…” I dragged out my words and he nodded.
“Okay…” He trailed off and finally a spark of understanding was in his eyes. “But we were alone, a lot.”
I nodded. “I know, but I never changed my scent so that my real one didn’t cling to anything.”
He staggered back a step. “You have never scented me…and I have never scented you.”
“Bingo.”
“So you could be my mate?” His voice held raw need when he asked me.
I grimaced. “I already had a mate.”
“But you rejected him.” He stepped closer. “You could, in fact, be my mate…”
I looked up into his eyes, and I could see the hope flare there. “I mean…sure it’s possible. But what are the chances?”
He took the last step, pulling me against him. “I don’t care about the chances…I don’t care that your father kept us apart. I don’t care that you have magic, you have a pup, I don’t even care if you want to stay in your dad’s pack once this is all over. The only thing I care about is you.”
My breath was sucked from my lungs. “Rowan.”
“Please Amy.” He leaned down and put his forehead against me.
“I don’t beg…anyone. I’m a king, sure, but I am a man first and I am begging here.
If you need me to get on my knees, I will.
Erubus is going crazy inside, because Nix and Megan won’t meet with him.
He’s so infatuated with them, and I will beg, I will crawl.
Whatever you need, I will do it. Just please. Give it a shot.”
“What if I’m not your mate? What then? We will be right back here, hurting each other.”
He shook his head. “Goddess, no.” He grabbed my hands.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I obviously won’t be taking anymore advice from your dad, but fuck Amy.
If you aren’t my mate…I’m okay with not being able to release my scent ever.
I’m okay with forsaking everyone else for you.
” He slid his hands up my arms and cupped my face.
“I want you. Mate or not. I need you in my life, and whether it’s as a friend, or more? ” He leaned down and kissed me.
His kiss was hesitant, but full of need. When he realized I wasn’t pulling away, he deepened it. His hands tightened on my face, and a deep rumble in his chest. His lips became hungrier as he tilted my head for better access.
Nix was pacing and Megan was panting on the ground. Amy, this isn’t a smart move. You need to stop before you push us into our heat.
Megan’s tongue was hanging out of her mouth. She popped up long enough to look at me with fire in her eyes. It might be too late.
I wrenched my mouth from Rowan’s and I watched his face fall. I needed a minute, but then he turned away and panic set in. “Wait.” I spun him round and lept into his arms, slamming my mouth on his. His groan was delicious as he wrapped his hands around my ass. I pulled back. “We have to stop.”
“Why?” He leaned in and caught my lips again.
I pulled back with a chuckle. “Because I’m about to start another heat, and if you keep kissing me, it will start whether or not we want it to.”
He pulled back to stare at my face. “You only go into heat if you found a male your wolf likes…”