Chapter Twenty
Inodded. “Yeah.”
His hands slipped from under me. He was still holding me up, but he was trying to create space. “I’m sorry.”
I tilted my head and raised my eyebrow. “Why are you sorry?”
He placed me down on the ground. “Your wolves have picked someone.”
I nodded. “They have, but it doesn’t change or effect who I will decide to mate with.”
His face fell and then he turned his face away. “I thought you were in sync with your wolves.”
I smiled and snagged his hand. “I am. They are the ones that decided.” I pulled him back to the table and pushed him back into his chair. “Megan was the first to decide to pull away from romantic decisions.”
“Why?” He grabbed a bottle and drank as I went back to my seat.
“Because her mate was Brandon and well…come on. I know it is the Goddess’s will, but in my last life she was head over heels for him and look where that got us.”
Hey! Megan looked a little hurt. It’s true but low blow. Nix chuffed out a laugh.
“Okay…but what about Nix?”
I grimaced at the question. “Honestly? She pulled back because of you and Erubus.”
He sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Really?”
I nodded. “You kinda of messed me up.” I took a drink. “And I’m not saying this to upset you. Just the facts. She didn’t pull back until after she found out that Erubus was you.”
He sat back and took another drink. “Then who’s the guy?”
I stopped mid-sip. “What?”
“Whose the male that they set their sights on? The one that triggered the heat?” He looked jealous, and it just made me snort.
“You, dumbass.” I palmed my face. “Or I should say Erubus. That little fucker has been coming and visiting. He won them over by throwing you under the bus, though.” I laughed a little.
“What?”
I nodded. “They never tell me what they talk about exactly, but the gist I get is that you, the human, kept getting in the way of Erubus and Nix.” I laughed because he looked so surprised.
“Wait a minute.”
I leaned onto the table. “Okay?”
“You said I was the one that triggered your heat.” I nodded. “Your wolves chose me?”
I nodded again. “Uh, huh? Well…Erubus, but yeah, you guys are in the same body.”
His hands twitched when I said that and his eyes burned with need. “Me?”
I nodded again. “But…” I raised my shoulder. “I had thought…” I puffed out a breath, then stopped.
“What?” He reached over and grabbed my hand.
I shook my head and chuckled softly. “I thought before the letters that maybe I could try with Thoth…but then I read the letters and I didn’t know what I was going to do with you.” I met his eyes and felt the hurt bubble up again.
“But I turned out to be Thoth.”
I nodded. “Yup.” I popped the p and sighed. “I had loved you as Rowan. And then everything my father and you decided ripped me apart.”
“I’m sorry.” He squeezed my hands, and I nodded again.
“I know. But hearing those words doesn’t change how it felt.” He looked down again and pulled back his hand.
“I know.”
I snagged his hand again. “Then I loved you as Thoth and when I found out the truth, it hurt. It hurt more than I would like to admit because it felt like you were making a fool out of me.”
“I wasn’t.” He flipped his hand over and tried to thread his fingers through mine, but because of how we were sitting, it was a fumbling mess of fingers. I laughed, and Rowan blushed. “It’s stupid. I thought you were ignoring me, and I need you in my life. Thoth was your father’s solution.”
I tilted my head. “You said that, and I was confused. What do you mean?”
Rowan leaned back in his chair, pulling my hand with him.
“When your dad blocked our messages, I thought you were mad at me because of the heat. I tried for weeks to talk to you, and I told you dad I was going to go to the school, he told me not to. But he said you asked for someone to help with your courses because the teacher that took over was confusing you.” I shook my head slowly.
“You never asked your dad for help in finding a mentor.” I shook my head again.
Rowan groaned. “He told me instead of going to the school, and interrupting your studies, that he would introduce me as Thoth. A friend to help you with your schoolwork. That way we could talk, and we would know it is us, but if anyone saw the messages, they wouldn’t know who was who.
” He groaned again. “I knew something was fishy because you acted like you didn’t know who I was at all.
He convinced me you were just really committed to the secret. ”
I laughed. “Really committed to the secret?”
He whined. “It sounds stupid when you say it like that.”
I laughed harder. “I think it sounds stupid when anyone says it, babe.”
His head snapped up. “Babe?” I pulled my hand back and looked away, but I could feel the tips of my ears burning. “Amy?” I could hear the question in his voice and I turned back, crossing my arms to make myself feel more comfortable.
“Yeah?” I braced myself. His soft words were probably meant to comfort me, but in reality, they just made me start to panic.
“Will you stop hiding your scent?” His question was soft, but it jolted me from my spiral.
“What?” I shook to clear my head. “What did you just ask?”
He furrowed his brows. “Can you stop hiding your scent?”
“Why?” I grabbed for my bottle of wine and took a sip. “Will it actually change anything?”
“Yes…no…I don’t freaking know.” He pushed up from his seat and paced again. “I don’t know. That’s the Goddess truth. What if we are mates? What if the Goddess selected you for me this time around because in your past you died, and I was killed?”
I tilted my head. “You weren’t killed in my past life.”
He looked away. “I was.”
I shook my head. “No, you weren’t. I would have remembered that.”
“You wouldn’t have…because you were already dead when I was killed.” His words hung in the air.
My mouth was half open, and my face was a mask of confusion. “What? How do you know that?”
He blew out a breath. “I’ve told no one about this before.” He hesitated before he looked back at me. “But I have dreams.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Or I thought they were dreams until today.”
“What are you talking about?”
“All my life, I have had dreams about my mate. The dark Lycan that I would mate with. She was always in her Lycan form, black hair, golden eyes.” He paced as he talked.
“Then the Lycans died off, and I thought it was just a dream, something my mind made up. But Erubus was set on her. That’s why he was never swayed by another she-wolf. Until you.”
“What does this have to do with what you just said?”
“Just let me explain it my way.” I raised my hands and motioned for him to continue. “My dreams about my mate stopped when my father died and I’d forgotten about my mate, but Erubus never did. So when we met Nix, and he was head over heels so quickly…I thought good he’s moved on. But.”
“Rowan?” I sighed.
He waved his hands. “Anyway, my point is I thought they were all dreams. But when you called me for the first time, the dreams started up again, only they were different.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t dreaming of a Lycan woman. I was dreaming of a report coming across my desk about you being killed by your mate for defiling the mate bond, and getting pregnant with another males pup.
He had worded it in a way that didn’t sit right with me, so I came to Oakenfang to investigate.
But when I got there, instead of figuring out anything, the Omegas poisoned my food with silver and wolfsbane. ”
“What?” I growled, but he just smirked.
“I died with Vince standing over me with a male I didn’t recognize. Not at first.” He shook his head. “But now I don’t think they were dreams at all.”
“What do you mean?” I stood.
“After you ran out of the meeting. I spoke with your dad and I caught sight of a picture on the top shelf in his office.” I thought back to the pictures in my father’s office and I knew there were a few.
“It was the one of his parents. It was small, and out of the way, almost as if it wasn’t meant to catch anyone’s eye. ”
“Okayyy.”
“The man I saw with Vince was Garith.” He turned to face me.
“I’d never seen Garith before. My father, when he was alive, was very particular about which Alphas I could meet.
He wasn’t one of them. So how could I have known his face before if I had never seen him before?
” He started to pace again. “It was then I realized my dreams weren’t just dreams.” He walked to me.
“And you are the only wolf I know with black fur and golden eyes.” He grabbed my hand.
“Rowan.” I started, but he interrupted me.
“You are part Lycan.” He said it as a fact, so I just nodded. “But you don’t think you can shift into a Lycan form.” I nodded again. “Females can’t until they are fully mated. But that doesn’t change the fact. You are the last Lycan female, and I’m the last male.”
“No…I’m not.”
“What do you mean?” He looked lost. “We are.”
I just shook my head. “No, there are others.” I held up my hand. “I don’t know where. It’s not even up to us to find them. That is going to fall on someone else. The Goddess has already told me that.”
“There are others?” I nodded. “How?”
“The Goddess.” I stepped closer to him. “When the brotherhood hunted them, she did something. I don’t know all the facts, but there is a colony hidden somewhere.”
“We have to look for them.” He tried to turn away, but I pulled him back.
“Even if we were to look, it would be a waste of our time. It is not for us to find them.”
“Then who?” He rumbled in his chest and I felt my stomach clench.
“Carly.” I sighed. “It will be her task to find the Lycans and bring them home. Our job is here, our job is now.”
“What do you mean?” His eyes flashed. Erubus was coming closer to the surface.
“The humans are paying attention. If we allow Vince and the Brotherhood to continue down the path they’re on, we will be found out.” He swallowed, and I watched his Adam’s apple bob. I shook my head to clear it. He was affecting me again.