Chapter 23
23
The after-show party was at the gorgeous Glentorrin Townhouse across the bridge from the theatre. It was a hotel and restaurant that had a fantastic reputation and the most stunning décor. Sylvia had prebooked a room and put money behind the bar. She had left early due to being tired and even though everyone protested and begged her to stay, she stuck to her guns and headed home. Esme was relieved because the poor woman looked drained.
Zach took her hand and introduced her to lots of people that she knew she would never remember, because all she could think about was Judd. Why tulips? What did they mean? Because she knew they had to mean something. Judd was very measured when it came to flowers. Every time she picked up her phone to try and look it up online, someone interrupted her to compliment her on her performance, which was of course lovely but frustrating simultaneously.
Parker arrived beside her with a tall, dark-haired man wearing round spectacles. He was handsome and fresh faced.
‘This, my darling Ben, is the inimitable Esme Cassidy,’ Parker said with a slight slur.
‘It’s very good to meet you. You were incredible this evening,’ Benoit told her in his lovely French accent.
‘Benoit! Finally we meet!’ She hugged him instinctively. ‘It’s so good to see you.’
Parker pulled her into a hug. ‘He’s right, of course. Look how amazing you were tonight in spite of all the shit that’s happened,’ he said. ‘You’re the bestest actor I know, and I know quite a few now.’ He chuckled as he gave a theatrical wink. ‘But seriously, I reckon Zach and you are going to fall madly in love and go to movie premieres every week from now on. God, I’m jealous. Think of me, Gladys and Benoit when we’re eating our beans on toast and you’re in some swanky New York hotel, won’t you?’
She could no longer argue that Zach didn’t feel that way about her in light of his earlier confession. ‘Don’t worry, you and Gladys will always be my best friends,’ she told him.
‘And Betty?’ he asked with a worried, drunken expression.
‘Well, that goes without saying,’ she replied.
‘Where on earth is Juddleberry this evening?’ Parker asked as he glanced around and almost fell over.
‘Juddleberry?’ Esme asked with a laugh.
‘It’s got to be short for something,’ Parker replied with a shrug. ‘Is he here?’
‘I think he left. But he got me flowers.’
‘Aww, that’s so sweet. What did he get you?’
Esme glanced over to where the flowers sat on top of her jacket. ‘Tulips.’
Parker scoffed. ‘Tulips? For reals? Where from? A farage gorecourt? I mean a gaffage… ugh, you know what I mean.’
She shook her head and was about to explain but there was no point when Parker was this drunk. ‘No, they’re really beautiful actually. Definitely not from a garage.’
‘I wonder why he didn’t stay.’
Esme thought she might know the answer to that question but wasn’t 100 per cent sure. Not until she could use Google.
‘Come on, mon cheri , I think I should get you home now,’ Benoit said, slipping his arm around Parker.
‘Isn’t he handsome?’ Parker said dreamily.
‘He’s adorable,’ Esme replied with a smile. ‘Goodnight, Benoit. Look after him.’
‘ Mais oui . Bon nuit , Esme.’
At the end of the night, she clambered into a seven-seater Uber with Zach, his bodyguard, Max, and couple of the film crew. Esme clutched her beautiful flowers from Zach and Judd as she stared out of the window, watching the hedgerows whizz by, illuminated for split seconds at a time by the headlights. She glanced skywards and watched the stars as she thought back to the night of the barbecue at the loch… ‘And let’s not forget the falling man over there, and beside him is the great, pointed, lesser… erm… spotted spangle.’ She smiled as she once again remembered Judd’s attempts at astronomy and with that thought quickly pulled out her phone to load up Google.
She typed in:
What do tulips represent?
The results popped up in black and white on the screen.
Tulips can represent many things but the most important on this list is love. This can be love for family and friends, or alternatively, a more intimate romantic love.
She read silently as her heart skipped and tripped over itself. She glanced down at the flowers Judd had left for her. Orange…
Orange tulips often represent energy, positivity and a zest for life…
Okay, is that how he sees me? Now pink…
Pink tulips are known to represent affection, caring and love.
Her eyes began to sting; it was as if he was trying to communicate his feelings for her through flowers seeing as he felt he was so bad with words.
Lastly red… this should be the tell-all one…
Red tulips are indicative of lasting love and passion.
Esme swiped at tears that had spilled over from her eyes. She hoped he was home when she got there. But of course he had witnessed what appeared to be her kissing Zach earlier in the night and if he did have feelings for her he would have been hurt. She needed to explain. She just hoped he would let her…
* * *
When the car reached Garden Cottage, Zach jumped out to open her door. ‘Are you okay? You’ve been really quiet tonight. And I thought I saw you crying in the cab.’
‘I’m so sorry, Zach, I think I’m just a little overwhelmed by today, and tonight has been beyond my wildest dreams but it’s been exhausting too, so I’m probably just wiped out and in need of a decent night’s sleep.’ It was the truth, after all. She glanced up at the cottage, but it was all in darkness and her heart sank.
‘Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you on Monday. Goodnight, Esme.’ He leaned forward to kiss her, but she turned her face, so his lips simply grazed her cheek.
‘Goodnight, Zach, and thanks again for all your help and support. You’re such a wonderful friend.’
He gave a small smile and single nod that told her he understood what she wasn’t saying. ‘You’re welcome, Esme. Sleep well,’ he whispered. He reached out to touch her face before turning and climbing back into the Uber with the others. The driver made a three-point turn and headed back up the lane towards the castle and the stable block apartments.
The house was eerily silent when she walked inside. It was strange having no Judd and no Betty to greet her. She hated it. She flicked the hall light on and walked through to the living room where she did the same but when the room illuminated she gasped. Flowers covered almost every available surface. A vast array of colours and varieties that filled the room with the sweetest fragrances. A hand-painted banner above the fireplace read ‘Future Oscar Winner Esme Cassidy Lives Here’ and it was clear why Judd had dashed off after the matinee performance. He had prepared all of this for her. But where was he?
She removed her coat and climbed the stairs in a hurry to his door. She knocked lightly. ‘Judd, are you awake? Is it okay if I come in?’ There was no answer, so she turned the handle and opened the door. ‘Judd, it’s only m—’ His bed was empty, the duvet piled up in the middle as it usually was when he got up. ‘No point making the bed when I’m going to unmake it again tonight, seems like a waste of energy.’ His words rattled around her head, making her smile.
‘Oh, Judd, where are you?’ she said aloud.
* * *
Esme awoke at seven the following morning feeling a little disoriented. She had dreamt that she had walked out onto the stage naked, and everyone had got up and walked out of the theatre in disgust. Following that she had dreamt that Judd and Betty had left her without warning and she had awoken in a cold sweat sobbing. After that she didn’t sleep much until around five when she glanced at her phone, hoping to see a message from Judd, but of course there was nothing.
Once she had regained her bearings, she dashed from her bed and went straight across the landing to Judd’s room to see if he had returned in the night. He hadn’t.
Parker messaged to say his dad was going to drop Betty off with her around ten as he was heading out for some errands. She replied asking how his head was and received a green puke face emoji in reply. After showering, she descended the stairs and put the kettle on and while it was heating she searched the house for a note from Judd but there was nothing other than the beautiful flowers he had left. She poured herself some cornflakes that she didn’t really want and sat at the table pushing them around the bowl with a spoon. She decided to drop him a message.
Hey Judd. I just wanted to check that you’re ok. I missed you last night. The flowers are so beautiful. Thank you. I think we need to talk. E xx
She received no reply. At ten, Parker’s dad dropped Betty off as promised and when he had driven away Esme closed the front door and cuddled her little canine friend as if she hadn’t seen her in months. ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ she told her in a baby voice. ‘I’m so glad you’re home. So, so glad.’
Her phone pinged with a text and she grabbed for it, hoping it was Judd.
Hey Esme, are you free? If so could you come up to the castle and meet me in Olivia’s office for a chat? Say around 11? Let me know. Zach x
She glanced down at Betty, who sat staring up at her expectantly. ‘I think we’re going for a walk, Betty.’
Esme and Betty set off towards the castle just before 11a.m. It was a pleasant morning with a light breeze rustling the trees along the lane. Betty stopped and sniffed every few seconds, meaning the short walk took twice as long. As she rounded the corner, the imposing building came into view. Forget-me-nots and snowdrops skirted the stonework and the blue of the sky behind the castle created a picture-postcard image worthy of any art gallery.
The castle was quiet when Esme and Betty arrived, and she wondered for a moment if that’s why Zach had chosen here for their ‘chat’. She guessed it was going to be an uncomfortable one about their kiss the night before and how she had called him a friend. She would have to admit that she did have feelings for Judd but that he had gone AWOL again, so she was unsure if discovering this was too late. She didn’t want to have this conversation, if the truth be told, but she was here now so figured she may as well get it over with.
She knocked on the door of Olivia’s office, which felt strange and kind of official for a Sunday morning. Instead of shouting for her to come in, Zach appeared at the door.
‘Hey, good to see you, come on in.’
Esme faltered. ‘Zach, if this is about last night, I just want to say I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. It wasn’t intentional and I’ve come to really care for you but?—’
‘It is about last night but not in the way you think. Come on in,’ he said with a smile. ‘We’ll talk about that later.’
When she entered the room there was another person in there. Victoria of the Chanel suit and terse attitude sat there in Olivia’s chair behind the desk.
Esme crumpled her brow and shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t… what’s this about?’ Could this woman fire her? Had she done something she was unaware of that Lady Olivia couldn’t speak to her about?
‘Erm, sorry I brought Betty, I didn’t know it was an official meeting. I don’t usually bring her to work.’ She paused. ‘Actually that’s not true, she often comes with me but she’s no trouble and Lady Olivia doesn’t mind. Sorry, I’m rambling but I’m feeling a little weirded out by this.’
‘Oh, no, that’s fine. All will become clear. Esme, you remember Victoria, the executive producer on the film?’
‘Erm, yes, of course, hello, Victoria.’ She held out her hand and Victoria stood to shake it.
‘Please, take a seat.’
Zach went to sit beside Victoria and Esme felt like she was suddenly in a disciplinary meeting with two people not even connected to her job. She reluctantly took a seat.
Victoria laughed. ‘You look like you’re facing a firing squad. Relax,’ she said in her inimitable way.
Esme responded with a nervous laugh and fidgeted in her seat. ‘So, why am I here?’
‘Firstly I was dragged to an am dram performance under false pretences last night to watch someone called Della Cassidy who, it turns out, doesn’t exist,’ Victoria said with a sideways glance at Zach. ‘And then I was subjected to the worst performance of Romeo and Juliet I’ve ever had the displeasure to experience.’
Esme felt her cheeks heating and anger bubbling up from within her. ‘I see. Well, I’m sorry you felt that way. The whole cast put a lot of effort into that play, and I’ll have you know we were all very proud of it,’ she snapped.
Zach widened his eyes, pushed his chair back onto two feet and made a throat-slitting motion out of Victoria’s eyeline.
‘Oh, I like you. You’re feisty and you stand up for your fellow actors. I see potential in you.’
Esme shook her head. ‘Hang on, did you say Della Cassidy?’ She recalled the conversation she had overheard between Zach and Victoria when she had been outside Olivia’s office just after Lucille’s accident. ‘I-I don’t understand.’
Zach chewed his lip. ‘I have some explaining to do. You see, I told Victoria I had found Lucille’s replacement but there is already an Esme Cassidy registered through SAG-AFTRA so I did a Google search to find alternative derivative for Esmerelda and Della seemed the most appropriate.’
Esme’s heart began its attempts to escape her chest; the throbbing travelling its way up to her throat making it difficult to form words. ‘I’m sorry… again, what ?’
Victoria leaned on the desk and interlinked her fingers. ‘This is very much out of the ordinary and I’m not exactly comfortable with it but after seeing you last night, it pains me to say it, but I have to agree with Zach. You are incredibly talented, and I don’t say that lightly. The director witnessed your performance too and she’s happy for us to speak to you.’
Esme shook her head. ‘Speak to me about what?’
Victoria sighed as if Esme’s failure to understand was irritating in some way. ‘Being Lucille’s replacement, of course.’
Esme’s eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t breathe for a moment and felt the colour draining from her face.
‘Esme, are you okay? You’ve gone awfully pale,’ Zach said as he stood and rounded the desk. ‘I’ll get you some water.’ He dashed from the room and returned a few minutes later with a glass of ice-cold water. ‘Here you go, sip this.’
Esme took the glass in shaking hands. ‘I’m so sorry. This is a joke, right? You’re pranking me for some reason.’
‘Believe me, this is something I never joke about. Would you like the part or not?’ Victora asked in a very matter-of-fact way.
A million things rushed around Esme’s head, and she couldn’t form a coherent thought. ‘But this kind of thing doesn’t actually happen in real life. It happens in books and movies. It’s too farfetched to be real. I mean, if I was reading a book and this happened I’d roll my eyes and think yeah, right.’ She lifted her head to find them both staring at her, a little bewildered. ‘I’m sorry, I’m waffling, aren’t I? But look at this from my point of view. You can see why I don’t believe this is real, can’t you? I mean it’s the stuff of dreams, actual dreams.’ Her heart pounded in her chest, and she could hear the blood whooshing through her veins. ‘I mean I have genuinely, actually dreamt about this kind of thing happening to me but now it has I’m in complete shock.’
Her voice wobbled and her innermost emotions surfaced. ‘This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me… I… I think I need… Can I think about it? I need to get my head around it all. It’s a huge step for me and I have so much to take in. And I’ll need to speak to Olivia, of course, because she’s already lost two PAs and I don’t want to leave her in the lurch. What would she think of me?’ Tears escaped her eyes, and she swiped them away. ‘Sorry, I’m just in shock. I don’t know what to do.’
Victoria sighed as she turned to Zach and folded her arms across her chest. ‘You said she’d jump at the chance but instead, she’s turned into a jabbering wreck.’
‘Erm, Victoria, could you give us five minutes alone?’ Zach asked with a strained smile.
Victoria huffed like a toddler who’d been told she couldn’t have pudding and got up from her chair to leave. ‘Five minutes, max ,’ she said as she left the room.