Chapter 24
24
Esme began to hyperventilate. The shock of what she had just been asked was a little too much to take in. She saw stars before her eyes and clung to the chair, her knuckles white. Betty whined and pawed at her, clearly sensing something was wrong.
She reached down, lifted Betty into her lap and nuzzled her fur to ground herself. ‘Is this… is this a joke, Zach? Because if it is, it’s incredibly cruel. It’s not the way I expected you to behave after I called you a friend.’
He crouched before her. ‘Hey, do you really think I’d do that? I thought you’d know that’s not who I am, Esme. Yes, I really like you, and that feeling was admittedly growing fast but that also means I care for you and would never hurt you deliberately. I understand I’m not the right man for you and I’d never want you to be with me for the wrong reasons. Am I disappointed that you don’t feel the same? Of course, but we can’t always get who or what we want in this life. But perhaps on this occasion you can.
‘I would genuinely love to see you succeed, Esme, you have an incredible talent and people need to see that. There’d be a lot of paperwork to complete and you’d need to be Della Cassidy or whatever name you choose for the purposes of the film but other than that you’d be on screen fulfilling a dream. But I’ve already spoken to my agent and she’s more than happy to represent you. It will be quite intense and pretty much full time for the next few months but we’re all here to guide and support you. You’ve seen the script already and know the gist of the story so it’s just a matter of learning the lines and going for it.’ He cringed. ‘Okay so I may have made that sound a bit simpler than it is but you are surrounded by people who are rooting for you, Esme. You would no longer be chasing your dream. You’d have achieved it.’
She lifted her chin and saw sincerity in his eyes. ‘You really do mean it, don’t you?’ Her heartrate began to calm, and the stars dissipated.
‘I do. But I understand you’ll need a little time to think it through. It’s a lot to ask of you. Your first role will be a major one which means you will be thrust headfirst into the limelight. It will take some courage, but I know you can do it.’
‘But what about Victoria? She seems to want an answer yesterday.’
Zach grinned. ‘Leave her to me. She’s a pussycat in a tiger outfit. It’ll be fine.’
‘How come she thought she had seen the replacement actress you had found on screen before?’ Zach narrowed his eyes and Esme gasped at what she had let slip. ‘Sorry, I overheard you in Olivia’s office.’
‘Ah, I see. So, the thing is with Victoria, you have to make her think things are her idea. I had to make her think she knew of you beforehand or she would never have entertained the idea of coming to see you perform. I may have fibbed and told her that you were taking a short break from screen acting to be in the play as a favour to your aunt who runs the drama club. She was adamant she knew who you were when I talked about you, so she had to come and see you to save face.’ He grinned.
‘Oh!’
He chuckled. ‘I know. I’m a horrible person but it was necessary. Luckily the director thought you were perfect so that definitely helped. I have to be honest though, I knew you were the right person to play opposite me even before Lucille had her accident. You have so much more heart about you. Don’t get me wrong, she’s talented and there are certain parts that she’s perfect for, but a romantic role isn’t one of them.’
‘How would she feel about me taking over her role? She hates me already.’
Zach sucked air in through his teeth. ‘Let’s just say she may straighten her ways once she finds out. She needs a little humbling.’
‘So, what happens now?’
‘Well… You’ll need to speak to Lady Olivia about how this would affect your job and whether or not she wants to keep your position open if you do go ahead. Or whether perhaps you can continue to work in between shoots, because I’m aware your living situation could be impacted. And I’m guessing you may need to clear some things up with Judd too. So, take a few days, clear your head. Talk to your parents and whoever you trust to advise you and then let me know, and if it’s a yes we can get the paperwork started. The sooner we do that, the sooner we can get you fitted for costumes and get you on set, okay?’
Esme nodded as she dug her nails into her palm, still expecting she was about to wake up at home in bed after another bizarre dream.
* * *
She walked back to Garden Cottage in a daze and unlocked the front door on autopilot. Betty went running inside and Esme followed her into the kitchen where she found Judd sitting at the table.
‘Hey,’ Judd said quickly, glancing up and then back down, returning to tapping at his mug. He bent to pick up Betty, who was sitting by him wagging her tail.
‘Oh, hey,’ Esme said tersely, snapping out of her stupor and suddenly feeling annoyed at him. ‘Thanks for the flowers.’
‘No bother. You deserved them. You were amazing last night. I was in complete awe.’ Even though he didn’t look at her, she could hear the sincerity in his voice and she softened a little.
How was he so nonchalant? How could he sit there as if everything was fine when he had done his disappearing act again?
‘Did you have a nice trip?’ she asked with a hint of sarcasm.
‘Erm… I stayed at Selina’s. I thought you and Zach might want to be alone.’
Her nostrils flared. ‘And why would you think that, hmm?’
He lifted his chin and fixed his gaze on her. A look of confusion on his handsome, unshaven face. ‘Because… sometimes couples want alone time?’
‘Is that what you and Selina were having? Couples’ alone time?’ She was aware at how bitter and jealous she sounded but she didn’t care.
His frown remained in place, and he shook his head. ‘Erm… Selina is gay, so no.’
Esme raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth, but no words came out for a moment until she managed, ‘Oh.’ She shook her head. ‘But I thought you and she… You were excited because you got her number at the barbecue.’
‘Yeah because she’s also neurodivergent so we clicked. She gets my quirks. I thought that was obvious?’
Esme pulled out a chair and sat as Parker’s words about his gaydar rattled around her head. ‘No. No, it definitely wasn’t obvious.’ Well, not to me, anyway.
‘Oh, sorry.’
‘You bought me tulips, Judd. Why did you do that when there were so many flowers waiting for me at home?’
He lowered his chin and stroked Betty. ‘Because they’re bright and cheerful. No other reason.’
‘So not because you have feelings for me?’
He lifted his chin. ‘Erm, no. I thought you might like them, that’s all.’
She took her phone from her pocket and swiped at the screen to where she had saved the screenshots of the flower meanings. She began to read aloud:
‘Tulips can represent many things but the most important on this list is love. This can be love for family and friends, or alternatively, a more intimate, romantic love… Orange tulips often represent energy, positivity and a zest for life. Pink tulips are known to represent affection, caring and love. But here’s the kicker, Judd, red tulips are indicative of lasting love and passion.’
She lifted her gaze to look at him, but he sat there silently, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he stared at the table.
She leaned on the table to try and catch his eye. ‘So, this information has nothing to do with why you selected tulips of these colours? You must forget that I know how you love gifting flowers with meanings.’
He put Betty on the floor and stood, still not looking at her. ‘I’m guessing you’ll want to move out now.’ He scratched the back of his head and peered out the window. ‘Or… or I can move out. I know how happy you are here, and this is my problem, not yours, so I suppose it’s only fair.’
She walked around the table to stand before him and placed her hand on his face to turn it and make him look at her. ‘Why would either of us be moving out?’
He laughed once. ‘Because I doubt Zach would be happy about his girlfriend living with someone who’s in love with her when it’s not him.’
Esme swallowed hard. ‘So, you are in love with me?’
He let his head fall back and stared at the ceiling. ‘I think I have been since you came for your interview, and I saw you walking up to the castle doors. I’m not exactly great with this stuff but all I know is I wanted to be around you all the time. I wanted to look at you all the time. I dream about you. And when I saw you kissing Zach last night I felt like my world had crumbled. Like someone had reached in and yanked my heart out of my chest, so yeah, I’m guessing that means something pretty big.’ His voice broke and he stuck his fingers into his eyes for a second. Then he was back to peering out the window. ‘But I get it. He’s a good-looking guy and he’s so nice, talented too. Bastard.’ He laughed. ‘And he clearly adores you. But who wouldn’t?’
‘Judd, look at me.’ He lowered his chin and fixed his gaze on her, his eyes were watery and a little red. She smiled. ‘Zach and I are just friends. I don’t feel that way about him.’
He shook his head. ‘But you had the posters of him on your wall. And you seem so close.’
She took another step towards him. ‘I realised a while ago that that was just a teenage crush. And when he kissed me last night, because he kissed me , not the other way around, it confirmed my feelings. He’s a great guy but I don’t see him that way.’
Judd’s eyes widened and he smiled before heaving a sigh of relief. ‘So, we can both stay here. Great. I have to say that’s a relief. And I promise I won’t make it awkward. I’ll get over you in time. Well, I’ll certainly try, anyway.’
Esme took the final step towards him until she could feel his warm breath coming fast and shallow. She told him, ‘But I don’t want you to get over me. Because I don’t think I can get over you.’
‘Wait a minute… you…?’
‘I’m falling for you, Judd. In fact, I think I already landed.’ She smiled.
A wide, handsome smile spread across his face and he cupped hers in both hands. ‘I’m going to kiss you now if that’s okay.’
She laughed. ‘I’ve been waiting for this moment since the last time you kissed me, so yes, kiss me, for goodness’ sake.’
He lowered his face, pausing momentarily to gaze into her eyes and then closed the remaining miniscule distance between them in a heartfelt passionate kiss that melted her heart and took her breath away. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close and the last little piece that was missing from the jigsaw Rhys left in her heart was complete.
* * *
‘You have to go for it!’ Parker squealed as Esme and her group of friends sat around the table at the Drumblair Arms. ‘I can’t even understand why you’re having to think about it, Esme. You’re meant to be on the big screen. You can’t turn it down! I won’t let you!’
‘He’s right, honey,’ Paisley said, more calmly. ‘Then you can fix me up with Hugo Delaney.’ She laughed and Noah rolled his eyes.
Noah scoffed. ‘Not this again. He’s old enough to be your dad. You should be with someone your own age,’ he said, turning his pint glass in his hands, clearly trying to appear nonchalant.
‘Like you, you mean?’ Judd said, giving him a nudge.
Noah’s face flushed red so fast it was a wonder his head didn’t explode. ‘No, not necessarily me. But…’ He shrugged and the group exchanged wide-eyed glances. He had almost admitted he was crazy about her.
Paisley turned in her seat. ‘Are you trying to ask me out, Noah?’
Just when Esme thought he couldn’t blush any more, Noah almost spontaneously combusted. ‘What if I was…?’
Paisley’s cheeks also tinged with pink. ‘Then just ask.’
Noah’s head snapped up. ‘Erm… would you like to go out with me sometime, Pais?’
She smiled, appearing a little coy for the first time ever. ‘I’d like that, yes.’
A cheer travelled the group of friends and Parker stood. ‘That deserves another round!’
Later, as Esme and Judd walked home from the pub and reached the lane that led to Drumblair Castle, he pulled her into his side and kissed her head. ‘So, you know I’m supporting you, your folks have said go for it, the crazy bunch have said go for it, Lady Olivia has said if you don’t go for it she’ll fire you.’ He laughed. ‘What else do you need to convince you to fulfil your dream?’
‘I honestly don’t know. It just seems so daunting and quite surreal.’
‘Aye, I can understand that. But what better place to be filming than here?’ They stopped as soon as the castle came into view. The moonlight was glinting on the stonework and a halo of stars seemed to circle the tallest point. ‘You’re trying to remember which one is the lesser-spotted spangle, aren’t you?’ Judd asked, nudging her shoulder.
She giggled. ‘Ah, you caught me. You know I think we should get a telescope and maybe a reference book so you can learn the proper names.’
‘Sounds like a plan. Although maybe an audio book because I have zero attention span unless I’m hyperfixating.’ He chuckled. ‘Seriously though, what are you thinking?’
‘I’m trying to figure out which of the stars I wished upon granted all my wishes in one go.’
‘I bet it was one of those shooting stars we saw on the night of the barbecue,’ he said before kissing the top of her head.
He was probably right. After years as a child of dreaming of owning Drumblair Castle, she now worked here and could soon be appearing in a film set here too. This really was the stuff of dreams. ‘It’s May now, and they need an answer, so I do need to make a decision. I’m just not sure. Should I be sure?’
He turned her to face him. ‘Esme Cassidy, I’ve known you for a relatively short period of time but in that time I’ve watched you take on a job you didn’t think was what you really wanted to do, but you made it your own. I’ve seen you act in a play you thought could be a total disaster, but you took the risk and did it anyway. And I’ve seen you fall for some neurospicy bloke who I personally would never have imagined you loving when the seemingly perfect, neurotypical, dreamy actor guy was waiting in the wings for you. But you took a chance on me .’ He placed a hand on either side of her face. ‘Esme, if I’ve learned anything from you, it’s that life is about taking chances. And even if you choose never to do anything like this again, you have to go for it, or you’ll spend your whole life wondering what if .’
She pulled him down and kissed him with all the adoration she felt inside for her quirky, sometimes confusing man. ‘I love you so much, Judd Cowan.’
‘And I love you, Della Cassidy, future award-winning actor.’
* * *
Esme walked onto the set of An Unlikely Inheritance . Her palms were sweating, and her heart was dancing to a beat all of its own. Luckily her head wasn’t as sore as some of her friends’ as she had paced herself at the party they had thrown for her the night before.
A makeup artist stepped forward and dabbed powder onto her nose.
‘Oh, heck, sorry, I’m so nervous, and I go shiny when I’m nervous,’ she said to the older woman.
‘Don’t be, you’ll be magnificent, I’ve seen your rehearsals with Zach.’
Her knees were knocking beneath the stunning, yet rather wide blue satin Georgian gown she had seen Lucille wearing once before. This still felt incredibly surreal. But she thought back to the note she had received from Lucille, and she smiled.
Dear Esme (or should I say Della?)
I can’t think of anyone more perfect for this role than you. Thank you so much for trying to help me the night of my fall. And I’m so sorry for treating you so horribly. Just imagine the camera crew naked if you get scared… or is that audiences? And don’t imagine Frank the boom controller naked come to think of it, you’ll never sleep again. Just have fun.
Much love
Lucille (or should I say Hilda?)
She glanced over to the side and spotted Judd clutching Betty and chewing his thumbnail nervously. She was grateful they had been allowed in to watch her debut because they had a calming effect on her. When Judd saw her looking, he mouthed the words, ‘We love you,’ and her heart fluttered as she tried not to smile.
The first assistant director shouted, ‘Places, everybody,’ and for a few seconds people moved around the picture gallery. He then said, ‘Quiet on the set. Roll camera, roll sound.’
The camera operator called out, ‘Rolling.’
The sound recordist confirmed, ‘Sound speed.’
Esme smoothed down the satin of her dress and took a deep, steadying breath as the clapper loader came to stand in front of her with the clapperboard. ‘ An Unlikely Inheritance . Scene one. Take one.’ The sticks were clapped together.
‘And… action!’