Chapter 9 #2
Pushing him to the back of my mind as I entered the arena’s parking lot, I parked, cut the engine, then took a deep breath.
Playing basketball was my love. Not only did I love the thrill of sinking shots, but I loved the competitiveness.
Reaching championship level in any sport was an accomplishment many would be excited just to be a part of.
I hadn’t felt excitement once since my sister went down.
Selfishly, I didn’t even consider how Mimi felt about not being able to play.
I’d been so concerned about myself that I hadn’t considered everyone else in my circle.
Opening the door to negativity had been hell on my life.
I was na?ve to think I’d never have an ill thing spoken about me or my game.
Of course, everyone had their own opinion.
If people could criticize the best male athlete to ever play professional basketball, who was I to think people wouldn’t criticize one of the best female professional basketball players?
No matter how overwhelmed I felt, taking it out on the people who cared about me was a trash ass move, and I had to admit that.
I’d allowed the thoughts and opinions of others to become my thoughts about myself.
My confidence had never been low, not even on my worse day.
I walked into any room and demanded attention that I didn’t even care about getting.
On the court, I was double and sometimes triple-teamed for a reason.
How I allowed myself to be brought down to such a low state of doubting myself infuriated me.
It was time for me to take a wise man’s advice and show these muthafuckas better than I could tell them.
Win or lose, I wasn’t going out like a bitch.
My stats spoke for themselves. The only thing I could do was give my team and coach my all.
Whether we walked away the victors wasn’t going to stop how I played my game.
With a new zeal, I walked into the locker room, smiling and speaking. A few of my teammates looked at me crazy, but I paid them no mind and went to my locker.
“PJ!” Coach called. She motioned for me to join her in her office. Placing my duffle bag inside the locker, I made my way to Bri’s office. Once she closed the door, she placed her hands on her hips.
“What the fuck is going on with you? You’ve been distant during practice.
Mimi said the two of you had a long talk the other day, but you’ve been dodging her since.
Then, you ignored my messages last night.
I started to come over, but I wasn’t sure if Zoo was there or not and didn’t want to interrupt y’all time. ”
This wasn’t the place to be discussing me and Zoo, but neither was it the place for me to be allowing what was going on in my life to affect how I was handling my career.
“Everything’s cool now, boo. I’ve had a lot on my mind, but I’m ready for tonight.”
Bri rolled her eyes. “I know it’s more to it, but I won’t pry—not here anyways.
” She took a deep breath, then blew it out.
“It’s crazy that we’re here…together. Mimi isn’t, but we got each other, Peeg.
As your best friend, I trust you to give me everything on that court.
It doesn’t matter the outcome. I just want you to play as if it’s just me, you, and Mimi on the court, busting these bitch’s asses together.
We have one game in the bag. Whether we need the other four games to walk away with the championship or not, I want us both to show up and give this team our all.
Can we promise to do that for each other? ”
Smiling, I nodded. “Of course, boo.”
“The pressure is real.” She laughed, then fake screamed with no sound coming out. “Bitch we playin’ for a championship!” she shouted, causing me to cackle.
Like the best friends we were, we joined hands and celebrated like we’d already won. To us, however, being at this level was a win. Bri being the youngest head coach to ever compete at this level was absolutely a big win. I wasn’t going to take this moment for granted.
Three hours later, I had to eat every word of encouragement I’d spoken over myself. As I jogged onto the court to thunderous applause, my eyes immediately darted to the courtside spot where Zoo, Brooklyn, and Sin normally sat.
Brooklyn stood there sipping a beer. His eyes were on Bri, who looked extra sexy in a pair of black, thigh and ass-hugging ankle slacks, and a black blazer.
The pearl shell under her blazer was classy but still managed to look sexy.
She strutted in her heels, confidence oozing off of her.
She smiled at Brooklyn, who blew her a kiss.
The gesture was so sweet that I ducked my head to hide the tears in my eyes.
Zoo wasn’t there, or maybe he was just running late.
I prayed he was running late. If Zoo missed this game, my heart would truly be broken.
Although I told him I didn’t, I needed him.
His presence alone was reassurance that we were okay, that our friendship was still intact.
Him not being there caused a clog to form in my throat that I had a hard time clearing.
I hoped he sensed that I needed him and popped up.
You did this to yourself.
Of course, I did.
Putting on my big girl panties, I decided if I was going to be hurt, I’d use that energy on this court.
Not one bitch had better try me tonight.
I was usually cool as a cucumber, taking verbal and physical assaults with a flick of my eyelashes.
I never let my opponents get me to a place where I’d want to ruin my image over words or “fouls”. However, tonight… I’d slap a hoe.
ZOO
Cuzzo: Wya?
Me: Chillin’
Cuzzo: With who?!
Cuzzo: You know she’s looking for you.
Cuzzo: Yeen at home so where the fuck are you? It’s almost halftime, bruh.
Quitting a woman cold turkey shouldn’t cause withdrawals. At least not a woman who wasn’t yours to begin with. Shit was fucked up. I’d never been addicted to something I hadn’t had the first hit of.
Sipping my drink and ignoring Brooklyn’s messages, I slid the phone back into my pocket.
The only reason I answered was so he and Sin wouldn’t come looking for my ass.
I’d been laying low, focusing on getting my mind right, now that Pen and I weren’t…
together. Seeing her the other day almost made me give in and try her ass again.
However, the relapse would’ve likely set me back.
Dealing with Pen was a humbling experience even though she pissed me the fuck off.
As a nigga used to getting whatever I wanted and having bitches fall at my feet, I wasn’t used to a woman who couldn’t have cared less about the way I looked or what was in my savings account.
I never had a woman not do the shit I asked of her without her giving me so much as a peep.
Pen, on the other hand, was confident in who she was as a woman and knew damn well what she required from a man.
That wasn’t my issue with her. My issue was that with all the confidence she possessed, she still allowed outside influences to change the way she fucked with me.
I couldn’t fuck with that. The woman I chose to be with for the rest of my life needed to have my back at every turn and not turn on me when shit got tough.
Pen and I were just friends, but I believed wholeheartedly that with time, I could’ve made her mine.
I had the patience to wait for her to let me in the way I wanted her to.
Many nights I’d slept next to her, listening to her sleep without the slightest urge to fuck her.
It wasn’t because I wasn’t attracted to her because once I got between Pen’s thighs, she’d be mine for life.
No, the urge to fuck her took a back seat to the urge to protect her and allow her to trust me, even in moments when sexual desires entered the atmosphere.
She truly made a nigga change, so damn right it hurt me that she thought so callously to throw away our friendship.
I told her we were cool but only to keep her focused on the job at hand.
I didn’t want my words to be embedded in her mind and fuck her game up the way her words had fucked up my mental.
Lunch with her family hadn’t been as awkward as I thought it would’ve been.
Her mother was beautiful and sweet. Her father was like any good father, observant and protective.
They loved their daughter and made it clear to me that they thought we were a fine couple, even though we weren’t a couple.
That was their hint that I needed to make a move on their daughter.
A blaring horn snapped my attention to the court.
From the skybox, I stood at the glass window, peering down at the players returning to the court.
Pen wasn’t struggling tonight. She’d been on her game, proving to these muthafuckas that she deserved to be there.
I was proud of my baby even if I was mad at her.
Two more quarters passed, and despite Pen’s efforts, her team walked away losing. The next game would be in Chicago with the series tied at one a piece. Before the stands started clearing, I made my exit. Within an hour, I was home, showered, and watching the post-game interviews and highlights.
During her interview, Pen seemed poised.
The woman who looked down and defeated wasn’t sitting behind the podium with pity in her eyes.
I did see sadness there, but that was only because I knew Pen and saw through the bravado she displayed in front of the media.
I had to smile, though, because she’d done a fabulous job of answering her questions.
Tonight, she wasn’t one-wording everyone. Maybe my pep talk had helped her.
An hour later, my alarm disengaged. Brooklyn walked into my house with a mug on his face.
“Nigga, you better be glad wasn’t no bitch up in here,” he stated. “I was gon’ beat yo’ muhfuckin’ ass.”
“Who’s muhfuckin’ ass?” I’d already had a couple of drinks tonight and the blunt I was facing had me feeling extra right. Brooklyn was trying to blow my night with his petty ass.
“Why yeen come to the game? You really outchea on some dusty nigga shit. Why you do that girl like that?” He fired off questions back-to-back, with me pushing my lips to the side and turning the television up to drown him out.
“Oh, so Sin was right? You in ya feelings over some bullshit?”
I glared at him, thinking this blunt wasn’t strong enough.
“Y’all niggas love talkin’ ‘bout me when I’ain ‘round.”
“Fuck outta here. The three of us are like brothers, so if one of us is trippin’, the other two of us is gon’ be figuring out how to get yo’ ass to line the fuck up.”
I chuckled and hit the blunt. “I’m cool, nigga. Chill out.”
“Nah, you ain’t cool. Pen was damn near in tears on that court, and I know it’s ‘cause you wasn’t there. I get she made you feel some type of way, but not being there to support her is bullshit, bruh.”
“Okay,” I simply answered, fueling Brooklyn.
“Okay? Nigga that’s all you can say is ‘okay’?”
“What else you want me to say? You came in my fuckin’ house.”
“Zoo, mane.” Brooklyn chuckled. “You on some white clouds type shit right now, and it’s about to get yo’ ass beat. Does it even bother you that they lost tonight?”
“Is that my fault?”
Stunned into silence, Brooklyn stared at me.
Sliding my eyes back to the television, I caught a glimpse of Pen smiling at one of the security guards.
Squinting my eyes at the seventy-inch television to get a good look at ol’ boy, I realized I didn’t recognize him.
The fact that he was cheesing in Pen’s face had my foot bouncing.
He was walking next to her, guiding her through the tunnel.
The clip was only a few seconds long, but it was like I’d just watched a movie.
“You see that shit,” Brooklyn said. “Niggas waitin’ for you to fuck up, mane.”
If Brooklyn saw the vibe ol’ boy was giving, then the rest of the niggas watching the feed saw it too. Pen wasn’t a taken woman so she could talk to whomever she pleased. Her genuine smile pissed me off, though.
“People assume we’re together, but we’re not.” I said it more so to myself than Brooklyn.
“Okay, so you’re cool with her being with other niggas?”
“She ain’t mine.” It felt like razors cutting my tongue as I said it, even though it was the truth.
Brooklyn chuckled. “Aight, mane. I’m finna get outta here ‘fore I end up splittin’ ya fuckin’ head.”
“Lock my shit back.”
“Fuck you.”
Brooklyn could feel how he wanted. I was standing on my decision to stay away from Pen. Detoxing her from my mind, body, and spirit was hell, but I had to get over lil’ mama.