Chapter 4 #2
“Real shit, what’s going on, cuz? We were all just kicking it and you were cool—tipsy but you were good.
Taking shots and shit and now you’re over here on this shit and don’t say it’s nothing because Bri Bronx told the girls to tell us to come over here.
If she didn't think something was wrong then she wouldn’t have told us to come.
Now sit down so we can talk about this shit.
” Eyeing Zoo then Sin, I walked over to the couch and took a seat.
“This shit with Teddy is fucking with my head. Yea, we were just good but the whole time I'm thinking of where the fuck this nigga at. Since the shooting, I’ve been having these crazy-ass dreams of you not surviving and Bri leaving me because I’m blaming her for the reason all this shit happening.”
“I’m cool with you blaming her, but the part about me dying needs to be fixed. The fuck!”
“Zoo, shut up!” Sin fussed then shook his head. “He ain’t cool with any of that shit and I ain’t either. You can’t blame her for nothing that nigga decided to do, that’s the part you have to get through your head, first.”
“Damn, so fuck the part about me dying?” Zoo butted in.
“I ain’t say that. You alive and well, nigga.
Yea, the outcome could have been different but it wasn’t.
The part that he gotta fix for sure is the part about his girl.
If you are blaming her in your sleep then you feel that way for real but just masking that shit. Do you feel like this is her fault?”
Thinking it over, I sat there for a minute before I answered, “I don’t want to feel like it but in a way, I do feel like if I never met her, then none of this would have happened.
I don’t regret meeting her because I love the feeling that she gave me before all of this shit happened.
You know, yourself, that it was all work and no play for me, until her ass bumped into my life.
Shit has been real different for me, and I got her to thank for that.
It’s just me wanting to be around her that got me out that fucking studio.
I wanted us to take these steps together to learn each other, then love each other but now. .. I don’t know.”
“Maybe you guys should take this conversation to his house. Please, lock my door on the way out.” Bri started walking off then stopped.
“I wanted them to come over here to calm you down because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to.
I care that fucking much about you to know that you needed your family to help you get your mind right, only for them to come and I find out just how much you really care about me.
You don’t!” Hearing Bri’s voice had all of us looking stupid. Me more than them.
“Baby, I do care about you.”
“You don’t and it’s ok. Shit was fun while it lasted. Again, you guys can finish this conversation at his place.” The tears that rolled down her face had me stuck.
“Fuck!” I blurted out, pissed off that she heard all of that shit. I was just rambling out shit, trying to get my thoughts clear. “This is the shit I’m talking about. I can’t get shit right. Then, I can’t find this nigga so I’m really on edge. I’on want either one of you to handle this, I will.”
“Regardless of how you feel and what you think, you need family. I want this nigga more than you do. I’m smart enough to know that when I can’t get shit done alone, I have fifty niggas that’s gon’ rock a nigga soul for me, and I'm ok with that. This shit ain’t all about you.
We both let that nigga slip through our fingers that first night he popped up, not just you.
Trust me when I say, you and I gon’ flip the city upside down until this nigga surface.
Ain’t nobody gon’ be able to stop us. It’s always us against the world. ”
“Now, it’s us against a crackhead.” I chuckled.
“Yea, this nigga in my living room talking about he wishes he never met me. How all of this shit is my fault. He got me fucked up. Girl, yes, in my damn house talking shit about me. I told all of them to get the fuck out of my house and lock my damn door on the way out.” Bri was talking loud as fuck.
When she got to the bottom step and saw we were still in the living room, she didn’t try to change her tune.
“Tell me why the Three Stooges still in my living room. Hell yea, Sin’s big burly looking ass is still here, too. ”
“Damn bruh, she’s going off!” Zoo let out with a loud-ass laugh.
“And don’t get me started on PJ’s man. Mr. I got pinched in the arm but still gon’ lay up in the hospital for days like I got lit up with a machine gun, looking ass.”
Zoo’s face fell and now it was our turn to laugh at him.
“I hope that nigga Brooklyn heard every word that I said, too. He is not about to act like this is my fault and not expect me to feel a way about it. I guess it’s my fault he had those slippery-ass shoes on and couldn’t catch Teddy slow-ass, too, huh?
The nigga got an injury from playing ball, ain’t no way he couldn’t catch him.
Shit, I had on heels, had a torn ACL, and could have caught Teddy.
” When she came back through the living room, she walked back up the stairs, still talking shit about me.
“You may want to let her calm down before you bring yo’ ass back over here.
She didn’t give a damn about either one of us hearing her.
Let’s go before my girl be mad at me behind yo’ shit.
” Sin stood up and started walking to the door, first, then I followed.
Still feeling the effects of the bottles of liquor I downed caused me to wobble a bit.
Looking back, I saw Zoo was still sitting there.
“Y’all can go, I’m trying to see if she gon’ call Pen next. I want to see what Pen gotta say about me to her. She’s been lowkey still upset with me about pushing yo’ ass out the way. Two mad bitches together are deadly as fuck.”
“WHO YOU CALLING A BITCH, ZOO?” Bri shouted down the stairs. Sin and I was laughing so hard at how fast he jumped out the chair and ran out the house.
“I swear if my girl mad at me, we really gon’ have to fight.
Pull yo’ shit together, nigga. Got us over here in yo’ bullshit.
Get cho’ dumb, drunk ass in the car. Smelling like MD22!
” While Zoo fussed, I looked back at the house towards Bri’s window.
She was standing there, looking down at me.
I tried to give her a look that said I was sorry but when she stuck her middle finger up, then closed the curtains, I knew I had fucked up bad.
I hopped in the backseat of Zoo’s truck, and Sin got in the front. My head was fucked-up before but it was even worse now. Now, I had to kill Teddy and suck the soul out my girl’s pussy to get her back on my side.
I woke up this morning with a massive ass headache.
Knowing I still had to start getting this album prepared for this artist named Kim, I dragged myself out of bed.
Since I’d been here, I’d called Bri every five minutes and she hadn’t answered once.
I barely could get my work done because I was putting all of my energy into getting back on track with her.
My phone going off pulled me from the half-work I was doing. When my mama's name and picture came on the screen, I picked up with a smile on my face. “What’s up, pretty lady?”
“Hey, Baby, what you over there doing?” My mama’s soft voice came through my earpiece.
“Maaan, Mama, you must’ve known yo’ son was going through some shit.”
“Brooke, now you know I don’t care how upset you are, right?”
“Yes ma’am, so don’t curse.” If my mama didn’t do anything else, she was gon’ make all of us respect her, regardless of how old we were.
We knew not to play with her. Zoo was the only one who would try it, and she would pop the shit out of him.
But this is different because I was really in my feelings. “Can I curse this one time?”
She laughed before replying, “Yes, Baby, but not too much.”
“Ma, I fucked up bad. I was trying to talk to Sin to tell him about the dreams I was having about Bronx and Zoo, lately.”
“Ok, what’s wrong with that?” she interrupted.
“I forgot Bronx was in the kitchen so she heard me say that I blamed meeting her for Zoo getting shot.”
“Hmp.”
“What?”
“Nothing, go ahead. I'm listening. What did she say when she heard you?”
“She told us to take that conversation to my house and get out of hers.”
“As she should.” Hearing the suck her teeth, made me blow out a deep breath ‘cause she was really bothered and I’ain like her not taking my side.
“Ma!”
“Go ahead, Son. I’m just saying. I would have done your father the same way because you are not about to say something that hurts my feelings and not expect me to say anything or not try to hurt your feelings back.
You have to get past this because your cousin is fine, and it’s not Bri’s fault.
Now don’t you go acting crazy because this is the one I want to be my daughter-in-law.
You never had anyone else come around so my choice was slim.
The fact that you did bring her around shows that you really like her, so why let someone’s stupid decision fuck up what you want to have with her? ”
“You’re right.”
“I know! If you are still having problems, then I suggest you go to see a shrink.” A frown appeared on my face when she said that.
“Ma, I’m a twenty-six-year-old Black man—”
“Who obviously needs help. You think women are the only ones who need to talk to someone about the things they are going through? Men need to talk to people, too. Like childhood trauma, which I know you don’t have any of that because we treated you very well and spoiled the hell out of you.
They can talk about their careers not going well and you feeling like a failure to your relationships not working out how they were supposed to.
Get all of that off your chest to a person that's unbiased. Think about it, Son. You never know how it could help you.”
“I had to go because your father damn near drove me crazy. Now he wasn’t cheating because you know Smith men don’t cheat, but I found myself losing who I was in my marriage.
I didn’t know what I liked, what hair style I loved, what my favorite food was, I was just a shell of my husband.
Ask me what your father wanted for dinner on Thursday nights and I could tell you.
The way he wanted his T-shirts in this drawer, his shorts in that one, and socks in the one beside the bed.
Meanwhile, mine was just thrown in the drawer, and as long as they were clean, I didn’t care what drawer I put them in.
Hell, I had T-shirts in my panty drawer. ”
“When you lose yourself, it’s hard coming back from that.
You have to put your foot down and take days off for just you.
I started taking myself on dates, taking walks in the park and even making him do some of those things I had to do around the house.
Even you, Jersey, and Austyn were getting things done around the house because I needed my peace back. ”
“But when I started seeing a therapist, she helped me pull myself together. I could see me again. I smiled more, I loved myself more, and I knew what I would take and what I would no longer settle for. You have to talk to someone, Son, or you are going to worry yourself to death and lose your woman in the process. Fix it and also fix yourself. What happened to my nephew was traumatic and had an old lady on her knees praying for him and not myself, and you know how much I need prayer. I was scared, too, but he’s ok.
Not mentally”—she laughed to herself—“but he’s here and that’s the only thing that matters. That other shit is nothing.”
“Thank you, Mama. I'll see if I can find someone to talk to.”
“If you can’t, I’ll help you find someone. I don’t need my baby out here going half-crazy.”
“Ma, I wasn’t going crazy.”
“Why you think I called you half-crazy? Now you know if Zoo is calling me to talk to you, then something ain’t right.”
“So, you already knew what was wrong?”
“Yep,” she said in a tone that had, and what, smothered all over it. “He did nothing wrong so don’t call him talking crazy. Keep actin’ like this, I'm putting you back in those anger management classes like Zoo suggested a few months ago.”
I laughed at this nigga really telling her that I needed to start those classes back. “I won’t say anything. I actually appreciate him for doing this because it’s what I needed to hear. Now, I just need to work on winning Bronx back over.”
“You got this, and if I need to help you get her back into your good grace, let me know.”
“I need help,” I immediately blurted out.
“Send me her number and let me handle the rest. I love you, Baby, now get back to work.”
“I love you more. Take care of yourself, Mama.”
“I’m doing my best. See you soon.”
Ending the call with her, I finally had somewhat of a clear head and was able to get back focused on work. Mama was going to get something together for Bri and hopefully, that helped so all I needed to do was get back to me and find a fucking shrink.