Chapter 5
brIANNA
“Something gotta be wrong with you because you never come by to check on me.”
I flopped down on BJ’s couch and kicked my feet up then remembered how nasty his bitches were, so I jumped right back up.
“Oh, you got jokes?” He laughed then pushed me back down on the couch.
“You know you have multiple bitches, Brother. I was not trying to catch crabs by sitting on your furniture.”
“Don’t play with me like that. What’s up, though? I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. You be out in these streets stressing Mama out. I rarely get to see you now. You used to call all the time.”
“Yea, before everything happened with Pops going to the hospital. That shit scared the hell out of me. I started keeping my distance from everyone because I felt like the more I loved y’all, the harder it would be for me to keep living when y’all died.”
My head fell back in disbelief. “Nigga, is you high? You sound stupid as hell. Don’t be out here putting that death bad juju on us.
If anything, after the scare with Daddy, you should have wanted to spend more time with him.
Creating more memories, not running away from us.
That shit was dumb as hell to think, let alone say out loud to someone. ”
He shrugged his shoulders as if what I said didn’t matter or make sense to him.
“What’s this I hear about you selling drugs now?”
“I’m doing what I have to do for me. You got good shit going on with your career.
Brix always gone be good because she has you, Momma, and Daddy but me.
.. it’s too late for me. Fast money is what I need to provide that right now lifestyle I deserve.
Not just that but Tot, Ree-Ree and Erica, all have babies on the way.
All due around Valentine’s Day. A nine-to-five can’t do shit for me sis. ”
“BJ,” I dragged out, really in shock that he’d done something so careless. “Ain’t no way all of them are pregnant. What in the hell were you thinking?”
“I was thinking I may as well get these kids out of the way now to leave something behind to for y’all to remember me by because I just knew these streets would take me out.”
Shaking my head, I stood up with my purse and keys in my hand.
“You leaving?”
“Yea, I honestly think if I stay around here any longer, stupid will rub off on me. I don’t have time for that shit.
I have my own shit going on right now and this, I can’t even add to my plate.
I’m not about to be taking care of all of these kids for you, either, so you better have something in place for them since you running around living reckless.
And stop calling Mama when you get into bullshit.
You are grown as hell, get yourself out of it the best way you know how without making Mama deal with your burdens.
” Leaning in, I gave my brother a hug then slapped him on the back of the head.
“What was that for?”
“I was hoping to knock some sense into you.”
“Get the fuck outta hea’ with all of that shit.
I heard yo’ nigga, Teddy, popped yo’ new nigga and his cousin.
He’s going around telling people they weak as hell.
He wasn’t talking about you, so I ain’t stomp a mudhole in his ass but he talked real bad about them Smith boys, and I know they ain’t for no bullshit.
Apparently, he doesn’t know that shit yet. ”
“And his ass is lying. Yea, he shot Zoo but he didn’t touch Brooklyn. He ran off, and he couldn’t catch him. He’s been looking for Teddy and can’t find him for shit.”
“I see that nigga all the time at his brother Freddy’s restaurant. When I slide through there again and he’s there, I’ll text to let you know.”
“Thank you. You still be doing dumb shit but you are good for something. I love you.”
“I love you more, Sis.” Closing the door behind me, I carefully went down his wobbly-ass steps. I don’t know what made him move over there in the hood anyway. If you stomped too hard, you’d fall the fuck through. I already had one injury; I couldn’t afford another one.
“You're the coffee that I need in the morninnnng. You’re the sunshine that I need when it’s pourinnnng. Won’t give yourself to me, give it— What the hell!”
My music being shut off stopped me from singing at the top of my lungs, wishing the words that flowed out of my mouth would reach Brooklyn and slap the hell out of him.
For days and days, I’d been pretending like I was ok.
Pretending that the man I started to fall for didn’t think I was the cause of the bullshit that had happened in his life.
I ain’t even felt the dick yet and my head was gone with the wind off his ass.
Just him giving me that attention that I hadn’t had in years was enough to have my ass weak in the knees.
Although he was drunk, when the words ‘I love you’ slipped out of his mouth, I knew they were true.
This rough patch that we were going through now, I prayed we could get over it soon because I needed him to give me those feelings back.
That night he stayed at my house when Teddy popped up, we woke up in the middle of the night just talking like we had known each other since we were kids.
Nothing felt uncomfortable. We laughed just as much as we talked.
That type of intimacy was what I’d been missing.
The comfort and secure feeling that he left me with, had me wanting more.
With him and Zoo being around, I knew Teddy wouldn’t show his ass up again. At least that’s what I thought.
If I could have that moment back again where I laid next to him talking about shit like why the sky is blue, then I would have been happy as hell. Thinking about his touch had me visioning that night all over again.
“You sleep?” Brooklyn rolled over on his side with his mouth damn near touching my ear.
“No. I haven’t been able to sleep.”
“Why is that?”
“Because you sound like a berilla when you sleep.” His head popped up, causing me to laugh.
“The hell is a berilla?”
“A bear mixed with a gorilla. I’m sorry but how can anyone sleep with you snoring like that? Ol’ girl must’ve had some ear plugs or your dick gotta be immaculate for her to ignore such terror.”
“Oooh wow. This is the thanks I get for coming to your rescue?”
“And Zoo came to your rescue when he backed you up.”
“Nah, see now I'm ‘bout to go. You out for blood at four in the morning. Bet I’ll ignore that text the next time. ‘Brooklyn, my future baby daddy, I need you. Hurry. Please help me. Save me... Saaave meee...’” Now it was my turn to look at him crazy.
“I did not sound like that.”
“That’s exactly what I heard through text. Now lay yo’ ass back down and talk to me with some sense. How you end up with a nigga like him? He doesn’t even seem like your type.”
“What’s my type?”
“Me.” Casually, he shrugged his shoulders as if what he said was enough to satisfy me.
“If you say so.”
“I’m not?” Brooklyn questioned. We were now both sitting up with our backs against the couch.
“You are but we aren’t talking about that right now. We are talking about Teddy.”
“Fuck that, I would rather hear you talk about how I’m your type. He’s old news, I’m front page.”
“We can wait on that talk after I learn who you really are. You could be a bear in a fine-ass gorilla body.”
“Get the fuck outta here.” Brooklyn laughed out. “You think I'm fine, though?”
“Just a little bit.”
“A little bit is enough to get you knocked-up and married.”
“Brianna Kincade, ain’t no way you about to play this damn song again.
” PJ and Mimi had been here with me all morning.
We called ourselves helping Mimi with her wedding plans by going through magazines and creating a vision board.
We all had our personal boards being created for ourselves but when I realized my shit would never come true, I tossed that shit to the wolves and turned my radio up.
Judging by the way PJ just cut my shit off like it was some six-month-old box braids, she was no longer feeling my mood. “I was listening to that.” I stomped my way back over to my phone to turn my music right back on. My emotions were all over the place, and today wasn’t the day to ignore them.
“Yea, we know. We heard the same song over and over again. You want to talk about it?”
“I’m fine.” At the same time I said that, tears were already starting to form. I was hurt and there was no way around it.
“Aww, pooh. Come here.” PJ wrapped her arms around me, pulling me tight into her embrace. As if her compassion was the detonator to my emotions, I let them all out. “Baaaby, you can’t hold your feelings in like this again. Brooklyn is not Teddy.”
I gently removed myself from her arms and wiped my tears away.
“So why is he acting like him then, huh? ‘Cause right now they seem like twin fuck boys to me. Uggh!” I growled and stomped my way back over to the mirror I was just singing to myself in. “I just hate that I feel like this. I hate that he got me feeling like this. I hate that I love him, and it’s too soon to even give a fuck about him, but here I am, singing sad love songs and stuck in my feelings like a big nigga in a small-ass wife beater.”
The way she laughed had me laughing at my own damn self.
“You know what I’m saying, girl. We wasn’t even supposed to be at this point because I was just getting Teddy dumb ass out of my head ‘cause that nigga been out of my heart. Brooklyn wasn’t supposed to be here.
How did I allow myself to get in a situation like this?
I should have just kept to myself, let you and Mimi be hoes, and I just give myself some self-loving and some self-nuts, you know what I mean? ”