Chapter 9
nine
DECLAN
“Declan!” Max shouts when he sees me standing outside the school. Watching him run, with his backpack swinging away, causes a massive smile to form on my face.
“Hey, kid.” I laugh as he barrels into me, wrapping his skinny arms tight around my middle. I wrap my arms around him in a tight hug. I know I saw him briefly yesterday, but it’s been a while since I’ve spent any serious amount of time with him.
“What are you doing here?” Max keeps his arms around me but tilts his head up, resting his chin against me.
I look down at him, ruffling his hair a little. “Well, your sister had to go pick up your dad from the hospital, and she thought we could go back to our old routine on days you have soccer practice.”
Max releases me, taking a step back. “Did everything go okay with Dad today?”
“Yeah, he came out of surgery great. He’s probably already at home, giving your sister a hard time.” I give him a reassuring smile.
“Good.” Max looks down at his feet, shuffling around slightly. “So, I get to hang out with you all afternoon?”
“Yeah.” My smile grows even more. “It’s you and me until I take you home after practice.”
The love I have for this kid is undeniable.
When I was younger, I always imagined getting married and having kids when I grew up. But when I married Melissa, it never crossed my mind. It probably should have been a sign, but having kids with her never felt right. After we divorced, the idea of getting married to someone else felt impossible. Which meant the likelihood of me having my own kids was non-existent. I won’t lie, the thought of never having my own kids put me in a not-so-great place. While it had been an abstract thought, I knew it was something I wanted.
Being welcomed into the Marks family opened my eyes in so many ways. I wasn’t Max’s father, nor was I looking to be. But him knowing I would always be in his corner, supporting him however he needed, was a balm to my soul. I loved this kid as if we were my own, which meant having kids of my own wasn’t required for me to have the kind of life I had always imagined. It was possible to find family in so many different ways.
“Good.” Max grinned. “I’ve missed our soccer afternoons.”
“Me too.” I throw an arm around his shoulder, tucking him into my side and turning toward my truck. “Did you have a good day at school?”
“It was fine,” he mumbles.
“Just fine?” Max is generally a pretty talkative kid. For him to say “fine” means something is bothering him.
“Yeah.”
I glance over at him as I make my way around the front of the truck, concern filling me. I start the truck but don’t buckle my seatbelt right away, turning to face Max instead. “What’s going on, Max?”
He finishes buckling himself in before looking up at me. I stare back, giving him time to collect his thoughts. “You remember when I told you about Robbie and how he picks on kids in my class?”
“Yeah?” Max and I have had a few conversations about that kid. Being a teacher has forced me to become a believer in trying to work things out using your words first, but Robbie has definitely made me question that tactic. Sometimes, fists need to fly to make sure you’re heard.
“I don’t know why, but even when I’ve stood up for my friends, he always left me alone.”
“But not today?” I ask, concern clouding my features.
“Yeah. He made a comment about Dad being old, since he’s older than everyone else’s dads. Not like that’s new.” Max mumbles the last part. “But he also said I was going to be an orphan soon because Dad is sick and won’t be around much longer, and since my mom abandoned me when I was little.”
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and blow it out before I even think about responding. “What did you say to him?”
“I told him to shut up and he shouldn’t say things like that,” Max says quickly. “I tried to stay calm, but it was really hard.” Max is quiet for a moment, looking at me in clear distress. “I really wanted to hit him,” he whispers.
“Yeah, I don’t blame you.” I reach out, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing. “I’m proud of you for holding back, though. Did you tell your teacher?”
“No, I didn’t want him to make fun of me for that too.” I see the tears forming in his eyes before I hear it in his voice. “Caleb said Dad was sick, like he was before, and they didn’t think he would be able to get better this time. That’s why Quinn is home, but what’s going to happen to me if Dad doesn’t get better?”
I lean over the center console and make sure Max is looking me right in the eye before I respond.
“Max, no matter what happens with your dad, you will be okay. You have so many people around you who love you so much.” Max looks down at his lap, so I squeeze the shoulder still in my grasp, waiting until he looks back up at me, “I don’t know who you’ll be with, but no matter what, you will always have Caleb and Emily, and Quinn. And I’ll always be here for you. That will never change.”
“Will they have to find my mom so I can go live with her?”
“No,” I say emphatically. “I can guarantee you’ll be with Caleb or Quinn. I bet they’ll be fighting over which one gets to have you live with them.”
I don’t know much about Nicole, but I do know she lost all rights to her son. When she abandoned him when he was two years old, Scott made sure she would never have a claim to him again.
I look at him, tears in his eyes, and it makes me wish I could take all his pain away. That I could stop him from having to experience everything coming his way. But I can’t. I can only offer him my support.
“Max, I wish I could take all this pain away for you, or at least tell you exactly what your future holds, to help you prepare for it, but I can’t.” Now I’m getting choked up. I swallow the lump in my throat. “Like Caleb said, it doesn’t look like your dad will be able to fight this battle. He might not have much time left, but he’s still here now, so we’re going to live in the moment, and not worry about the future until it’s right in front of us.”
“I don’t want to live in that future at all.” He stops holding the tears at bay and lets them fall down his cheeks.
I reach out to wipe them away. I can feel the tears in my eyes now too. “I don’t want to live in that future either, but when the time comes, we’ll figure it out. All of us, together.”
When Max and I pull into the driveway after soccer practice later that evening, Quinn is standing there in leggings and an oversized sweater pulled tight around her to help fight the chill growing in the air. When we reach the bottom of the stairs, I see her feet are bare, as if she rushed out to meet us.
“How was school and practice?” Quinn asks.
She hadn’t been home when we stopped by to pick up Max’s gear. Scott said she ran to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for him and then to The Diner to pick up dinner.
The Diner—as the name implies—is the local diner. Owned by an older couple who figured it was pointless to call it anything else, knowing the town would only ever refer to it as ‘the diner’. It is one of the only restaurants in town, but the food makes it feel like coming home.
“It was good.” Max’s mood picked up a little as we spent the afternoon together, but he was still pretty upset. “Coach had me as goalie today,” he says, hugging her. “I’m going to take a shower and get ready for bed.”
Quinn looks at me questioningly. I shake my head from the bottom of the stairs trying to signal that now isn’t the time to push.
“Okay. Did you say thank you to Declan?” she asks before she lets him go from their hug.
“Yeah.” He pulls away from Quinn, going inside, saying nothing else.
Quinn watches him disappear inside and then turns back to me. “Did something happen?”
I walk up the stairs and gesture toward the porch swing. “You want to sit down and cover your feet with a blanket?”
“What happened?” Quinn doesn’t move from her spot.
I step toward her, placing my hand on the small of her back, trying to guide her to the porch swing. She fights me for only a moment before conceding after seeing the look on my face.
As Quinn sits, I turn to the covered basket I know has blankets in it. “There’s a kid in Max’s class, Robbie. Have you heard about him?” I hand her the blanket and sit down next to her.
“Yeah, Caleb and Dad have told me more about him than Max has, but I’ve heard he’s a bully.” Quinn curls her legs under her and angles her body to face me, the blanket draped over her legs.
“Max says Robbie typically leaves him alone, but for some reason, he made some comments to Max today.” I angel myself toward Quinn, placing my arm on the back of the swing.
“What did he say?”
“Max didn’t say specifically, only that he made a reference to your dad’s age and your mom. He also made sure Max understood he was going to be an orphan soon.”
“Oh, God!” Quinn gasps, a hand coming to her mouth. “What the fuck is wrong with kids these days? Who says something like that?”
“Robbie is the son of Hunter Daniels. If I?—”
“Say no more,” Quinn interrupts. “He was a couple of years ahead of me in school. I remember how much of a bully he was.” She looks down at her lap, her hands fidgeting with the cuffs of her sleeves.
“Max also asked me what was going to happen to him.” Quinn’s head whips up to look at me. “After your dad passes,” I finish softly.
“Oh, God.” This time, tears form in her eyes. “I-I … oh, God.” She covers her eyes with one hand and tilts her head down.
I give her a minute before I continue, practically whispering, “He asked about your mom. If you would have to find her so he could go live with her.”
I’m surprised Quinn hasn’t gotten whiplash with how fast her head tips back up to look at me.
Before she can say anything, I continue. “I told him, in no uncertain terms, he would never go with Nicole. I don’t know the full story, but I know Scott made sure she could never be in his life again unless Max wanted it.” Quinn nods her head. I can see her swallow a few times, like she’s trying to gather herself to say something. I place my hand on hers in her lap and squeeze. “I told him you and Caleb would probably fight over who he got to stay with because you both love him so much.” That brings the smallest smile to her face. “I also made sure he knows no matter what, he would always have you, Caleb, and Emily.”
“And you,” she rushes to say, turning her hand in mine and squeezing it.
“And me,” I agree.
We stay that way for a while. Our hands clasped, both of us looking down at them, trying to gather ourselves. I wait for Quinn to pull away, but she squeezes my hand one more time before she does.
“Everything else was good?” she asks.
“Yeah. We got his homework done in plenty of time. I took him to dinner at The Diner before stopping by here to pick up his gear. We talked to your dad for a few minutes, but I didn’t get the chance to tell him what happened with Max.” I look at her before I continue. “And if I’m being honest, I don’t know if he needs to know.”
Quinn sighs, looking back down at her hands, messing with the cuff of her sleeves again. “Yeah, I don’t know the answer to that one. I don’t know what the answer is to any of this.” Her head falls to the side, aiming to lay her head on the back of the swing, but her head finds my arm instead. Neither of us moves. “How do you help an eleven-year-old cope with any of this? I don’t even know how to cope with it.”
“I don’t know either,” I tell her honestly. “I think you have to be honest with him. Hiding what’s happening will only make it worse. Max is a smart kid.”
“Yeah, he is.”
“It’s going to be okay. Not right now, but one day, it will be.” She picks her head up, looking at me, and I get lost in the pain in her eyes.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“I’ll always be here for that kid.” I gesture toward the front door where Max disappeared earlier. “And this family.”
There’s nothing anyone could do to make that untrue. They saved me from myself when I needed it most, and I will always do what I can to return the favor.