Chapter 39
thirty-nine
QUINN
At Christmas dinner, Emily and I decide we all need a night out—to have a little fun and decompress from everything we’ve been dealing with over the last few months. While Dad decides to stay home with Max, we do convince Caleb, Declan, and Ava to join us for drinks at Murphy’s Friday night.
Honestly, I devised this plan after watching Ava interact with everyone on Christmas day. She hadn’t been as bubbly and bright as I’m used to seeing her. Even when talking about the case with Mom, I’m used to Ava finding a way to brighten the mood. If not during the conversation, then immediately after. But nothing seemed to make her smile or laugh on Christmas, not even when Emily and Caleb announced they are having a baby girl had her smile been genuine. I grew increasingly concerned as the day progressed, and I know Declan had as well.
She’s moving to Ashford Falls, at least for a little while. She should have friends and build a life here, outside of just Declan and my family. Though, we’ll always support her the best we can.
I know part of her uneasiness has to do with whatever happened with her job back in Boston and the way her parents reacted when she went home for Christmas. She had to be feeling uncertain about so much. I want to make sure being here isn’t one of those things. I want her to feel welcome, as if this town is home.
I know she was in town for about a month before going back to Boston, but based on what I heard from Declan, she hasn’t spent too much time in town, besides the bookstore. It’ll be good for her to see what a Friday night at Murphy’s is like.
“How have I not been in here once since I got back to town?” I ask no one in particular as Declan, Ava, and I walk into Murphy’s.
“I don’t know, Bug. Have we not come here for a drink once?” Declan asks his hand on my lower back, guiding me to the table where Caleb and Emily are already sitting.
“No, we’ve only gone to The Diner.”
“Man, why are you with me?” he jokes, pressing a kiss to my cheek.
“Well, I mean …” My voice trails off, my eyes tracking up and down his body, a coy smile on my face.
“Okay. Ew. Is this what the whole night is going to be like?” Ava asks, stopping at the table's edge as Declan and I take our seats.
“I’m sorry.” I laugh. “It won’t happen again. Tonight is supposed to be fun, a night for all of us to hang out and have a good time.” I reach for her hand, pulling her toward the empty seat beside me.
“I’m going to get a drink before I sit down.” She pulls back gently from me. “Do you all need anything?”
“I’ll take whatever IPA they have on tap,” Declan says.
“We’re good,” Caleb says, gesturing to his and Emily’s drinks.
“I’ll take a water. Thanks, Ava,” I say, offering her a small smile before she walks over to the bar.
“Why aren’t you drinking?” Caleb squints his eyes at me.
I inhale a deep breath and hold it for a second. I guess this is the first time I’ve been in this kind of environment with Caleb, one where it’s expected I would drink. While I might have the occasional glass of wine or beer at home, it’s only when I am at home, and it’s only one. Drugs were my biggest problem, but drinking was still a crutch I leaned on heavily after my attack, so it’s not something I do often, and not in an environment like this. Though, I know I’m as safe as possible with Declan and Caleb by my side.
I feel Declan’s hand on my leg and glance over at him. He offers me a comforting smile, telling me he’ll support whatever decision I make.
I turn back to Caleb and tell him the truth. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it.” I take a second to gather my thoughts and see Caleb tense. “After my attack, I didn’t handle it well, as you know.”
“Quinn—” Caleb reaches for me, and I let him place his hand on my arms, but I don’t let him continue talking.
“No. Let me say this, please.” I wait for his nod before I continue. “I drank a lot, and I tried a lot of drugs before landing on cocaine. I’m clean now and have been for about two years, and while I don’t consider alcohol a problem for myself, I still don’t drink often, and not in this kind of environment.” Declan squeezes my leg again. “I know I’m safe with all of you, but it’s not something I want to risk.”
“Quinn,” Caleb repeats, his voice wavering slightly. “I-I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry I wasn’t there more.”
“No. Caleb, none of it is your fault.” Now I reach for his hand, squeezing tightly. “There was nothing you could have done for me. I wouldn’t have let you. I mean, I barely let you stay the two weeks you did. And I didn’t want any of you to know about what was going on. I don’t blame any of you for what happened during that year.”
Caleb doesn’t say anything, but I can see the anguish on his face. I know there’s nothing else I can tell him to make any of this better. He’ll have to work through it, but I know it’s good I told him instead of keeping it buried deep.
“I’m okay now,” I tell him. “More than okay. Being home with all of you has helped more than anything else. I know it’s a shitty reason, but your calling when you did couldn’t have been better for me. I swear, I’m okay.”
“I love you, sis,” Caleb says, squeezing my hand.
“I love you too. Now, enough of this. Where is Ava with our drinks?” I let go of my brother’s hand and turn to look for Ava, but she’s no longer standing by herself at the bar. Gage Flynn is leaning against the bar beside her, a charming smirk gracing his face.
“What is he doing?” Declan asks, his voice going deep, sounding a little like he doesn’t like what he’s seeing.
“Well, it looks like he’s flirting with your sister,” Caleb says, a mocking smirk on his face. “Not so fun to watch someone hitting on your sister, now is it?” he jokes, leaning back in his seat.
Declan pushes to get out of his seat, but I stop him with a hand on his arm. “No, you don’t. Your sister can take care of herself. If she doesn’t want his attention, she’ll let him know.”
“But—”
“No buts, leave her alone.” I pull his arm, bringing him back to his seat, where he pouts, causing the rest of us to laugh.
As we’re laughing, we hear a commotion from the other end of the bar. We all turn to look to find my mother stumbling over someone’s outstretched leg.
“What is she doing here?” Caleb asks, his voice going dark.
“She’s been staying in town because of the custody case,” I tell him, watching as she turns to the person who tripped her. I stand from my seat, moving toward my mother.
Declan reaches for me, concern evident on his face. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to make sure she doesn’t cause a scene. I’ll be right back.” I kiss his lips quickly and make my way to my mother.
When I make it to her side, I don’t say anything. I grab her arm and drag her toward the door.
“What do you think you’re doing?” She jerks her arm out of my grasp.
“You’re not welcome here. You should go,” I tell her, crossing my arms over my chest.
“You don’t have any right to tell me what I can and can’t do.”
“What are you trying to accomplish here?” I ask, wanting to be done with all of it. “Aren’t you sick of this yet?” Something over my shoulder catches Mom’s eye a second before I feel someone step up behind me.
“What do you want?” I hear Caleb ask.
“I just wanted a drink,” Mom says in exasperation, gesturing to the bar behind me.
“No, I don’t mean tonight. I mean, with all of this. What are you trying to accomplish by getting custody of Max?” I don’t think I’ve ever heard Caleb take the tone of voice. I’ve seen him mad, but this sounds so much worse.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Mom glances around, avoiding eye contact with both of us. “I just want my son. Why can’t that be enough for you?”
“You’ve been without him for ten years now, making no attempt to see or talk to him. It’s hard to believe that suddenly you want something to do with him,” I tell her.
“Well, with your father being sick, it felt like the right time,” she mumbles so quietly I almost don’t hear her.
“How did you even hear Dad was sick?” I ask, more confused than ever.
Who does she still talk to that would know Dad is sick? And why would that make her want Max back in her life? If she knows Dad is sick, she would likely know everything else about Caleb’s and my lives. She’d know we are both personally and financially stable and more than capable of taking care of Max.
And then it hits me. It’s not Max she’s after. It’s money. She thinks she’ll end up with money by having custody of Max.
I don’t know if I’ve ever been more disgusted with her than I am right now, and she said some pretty horrible things to me at The Diner.
“When I say there is nothing for you here, I mean that. Even if you somehow end up with custody of Max, there will be nothing else other than him. When Dad dies, nothing will go to you. Everything will be split between Caleb, Max, and me. And Caleb and I will manage Max's inheritance until he is old enough. You won’t get the house, you won’t get anything in the house, you won’t get any money. Nothing.” I’m a little surprised by how even my voice is, but I’m shockingly calm.
“I-I don’t know what you mean,” she says in mock offense.
“I don’t know what you think Dad’s situation is, but he has no money. Cancer treatments aren’t cheap. Neither are adoptions. Or supporting your children through college. When I say there is nothing, I mean it.” Now I’m getting angry, thinking about everything Dad has done for the three of us and everything Mom is trying to take from him.
“Do one good thing in your life and walk away because I can promise you this,” I say, taking a step closer to her, my voice quiet, “You. Will. End. Up. With. Nothing.” I emphasize each word, making sure she hears me. “I will always make sure Max is taken care of, but you? I don’t care what happens to you.”
And I realize, as those words leave my mouth, I mean it. I am done with her. I’m letting go of everything from the past, and I’m no longer worrying about how she impacts my future. Nothing she does now can hurt me unless I let it. And I am officially done letting her dictate anything in my life. I am nothing like her.
“Go back wherever you came from and forget about us. Exactly like you have for the last ten years. We don’t need or want you.”
“Quinn.” I feel Caleb’s hand on my shoulder and realize I’m shaking.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, taking a step back from Mom. “I’m fine,” I repeat. I look at Mom for one more second before turning around and returning to the table. I see Declan standing as if battling to stay where he is instead of coming to my side.
I offer him a small smile as I return to him. The weight that has been lifted off my shoulders is so incredibly freeing. After my conversation with Dad, I knew staying in Ashford Falls was exactly what I need to do for myself. But truly letting go of everything with my mother and being free of that makes me realize how much I want to be here. Not just because of Declan and my family but because I am more myself here than anywhere else. I feel safe and seen and at home when I’m in this town. Things I have never felt anywhere else.
“You good?” Declan asks when I’m close enough to hear him.
I smile, lean up, and press a tender kiss to his lips. “I’m great.”