Chapter Eighteen
KALLEN
Note to self: my early twenties nightclub stamina is well and truly gone.
As I walk to the office on Monday morning, I feel like I might still be a little dusty from Saturday night. Hudson and I went out dancing at Euphoria, which resulted in a walk home at dawn and a Sunday wasted in bed. He’s off to Sydney for work this week and won’t be back until Friday.
I forgot my lunch today, too, which isn’t ideal granted I only budget for one bought lunch a week.
Just before one o’clock, I take a stroll through the kitchenette to find a plate of mini quiches with a little piece of paper sitting beside them.
Help yourself, it has written on it in black texter.
I’m starving, to say the least, and I’ve got a lot of work to do.
So I do exactly that: help myself. To almost the whole plate, leaving two of the smaller quiche bites left for some other snackish soul.
Dan comes into the office laughing right after I’ve tamed my hunger with the quiches.
‘Looks like someone enjoyed the quiches I made,’ he says, brows raised.
The words on my screen turn to gibberish, and Blake’s gaze drifts to me as she hides a smirk.
‘Good to know you like sharing, Kallen,’ Dan remarks.
My heart rate shoots up. ‘Well, I don’t, Dan .’
I feel more comfortable around Dan after our lunch on Friday, as though he’s suddenly…not my competition anymore. Just a coworker, coworking .
*
On Wednesday, I spend the morning on media invites with Blake: a new swim-up pool bar, trying a boujee bakery’s new monthly specials, and wandering around an artisan market while I receive gifts from the stallholders.
Later in the day, my phone vibrates and a message from my mother comes in:
Your post on Saturday seemed to work. Saw a fair few sales over the weekend. Thank you, darling.
It was also the reason I felt the need to get obliterated at Euphoria on Saturday night.
Over lunch, I tell Blake about my mum pressuring me into advertising for her wine brand.
‘Dycock, that is fucked up. I get she’s your mum and all, but fuck.’
I sigh, my face falling. ‘Yeah, I know. I’m not sure why I keep doing this.’
‘It’s a tough one, I get it,’ she says. ‘And I don’t think Christian would care that much if they found out about the post. They’re pretty cool about us doing shout-outs here and there.
But I just don’t want you to feel obliged.
You can always say no if you don’t want to do something like this. You’re your own person. ’
She’s right – but that extra thousand dollars will certainly help.
*
On Thursday, Christian brings me into the office for a meeting with him and Lisa.
Please don’t let this be about the post.
‘Hey, Kallen, man, I just want to say a massive congrats on your work lately,’ Christian says. ‘You’ve been making some killer Instagram reels. And we’ve seen more follows from celebrities this week than ever before.’
I feel my chest puff at the validation. ‘Thanks, Christian.’
‘Which is why I want to send you on your first multi-day field campaign next week,’ he continues.
‘Oh, um, wow, okay,’ I say, side-glancing in Lisa’s direction. ‘I’m listening.’
‘Okay so, we’ve managed to sign off on a big partnership with a Queensland tourism company. Anyway, the woman who runs it loves your articles, and she’s specifically requested you to go on the field trip to Noosa to promote this new luxury accommodation that’s opened there.’
‘Okay, I’m listening,’ I say, trying not to burst at the seams with elation.
‘We’ve got deliverables,’ Christian goes on. ‘Untold Media will need to get video content, including drone footage, as well as written articles, so when you’re back, we can put it all together for a sponsored campaign. Oh, and there’ll be a media launch event to attend while you’re there as well.’
‘Ummmm.’ I cock my head. ‘I’ve never flown a drone before.’
Christian’s eyes drift to the window, to Dan working at his desk across the main office area. ‘That’s why Dan is going too. You both leave next week. He’ll take care of the drone stuff.’
I shoot Christian a shocked look.
Dan and I have only just managed to get along, and now we’re going on a work trip?
Don’t question it, Kallen. This is an all-expenses paid trip we’re talking about.
*
On late Friday afternoon, just before sundown, I escape after-work drinks in the office to see Hudson, to celebrate how good things are at the moment, and to perhaps ask him if he wants to join me at Katherine’s party next weekend, to save me from my family.
On the walk to Hudson’s place, I realise I’ve left my laptop at my desk.
I’ll make Hudson take a trip back to the office with me later on because I’d like my laptop for the weekend.
I feel naked without it, a close second to my phone.
Maybe we can go to dinner at one of the restaurants near the office.
I’m running a little late sorry! 5 mins away, Hudson messages by the time I arrive outside his apartment building.
I reply, no worries, see you soon! then wait as a dark ominous cloud hovers overhead. Wondering if it’s going to rain, I prematurely scope out a place for cover if needed. Since there isn’t much shelter here, if it does piss down, I’ll just have to embrace being a drowned rat.
To my luck, his silver BMW purrs into the driveway before any rain comes. The driver’s side window rolls down to reveal Hudson, wearing polarised sunglasses that reflect the grey cloud behind me.
His voice cracks as he says, ‘Hey, handsome,’ as if he’s catching his breath.
‘Hey hey!’ I call out.
He gestures to the front door of the apartment building. ‘I’ll come get you in a sec.’
I thought he might’ve offered for me to jump in the car, given the drops of water now spitting from the sky.
But instead, he disappears behind the window and drives into the carport.
I wait under the very little shelter that his building provides.
Which is surprising, since it’s one of the more modern, ritzy blocks in the neighbourhood.
I don’t even want to know how much he spends on rent here.
About a minute later, right as the rain starts picking up, the glass door clicks open, and Hudson lets me in.
‘Sorry I’m late, I had to pick up something from a friend's place,’ he says as I follow him past the lift to the staircase.
‘That’s okay, I wasn’t waiting long.’
I’m puffed by the time we reach his door.
Hudson scoffs, looking me up and down. ‘Someone needs to work on their cardio more,’ he says.
I laugh it off as a joke, but I’m starting to think it wasn ’t. I’m starting to think Hudson isn’t a very nice person. And although he makes me feel good physically, inside is a…different story.
But it doesn’t stop me kissing him when we get inside. Usually, he would’ve kissed me by now, so I thought I’d take initiative.
When my lips press against his, he recoils enough for me to know something’s up.
It’s the bitter taste lingering on his lips, on his tongue when he eases back into the kiss.
I know that taste. There’s nothing quite like it.
And I know now that Hudson isn’t serious about us.
He pulls away with a short laugh, avoiding eye contact as he moves to the kitchen counter. ‘Sorry, I haven’t had a mint today. Probably have bad breath.’
I chuckle, because if I don’t, I’ll cry. ‘Yeah, I was just about to say – your breath smells like…’
Hudson turns around and hones his gaze on me. No playful smile. No enticing eyes. Something more sinister, like a killer being caught.
‘Smells like what?’ he asks.
‘Like…’ I shrug. ‘Cum.’
He barks another laugh. ‘You serious?’
‘I mean, it’s pretty hard to miss.’ When I say this, he looks away and grabs the tin of mints from the counter, popping one into his mouth.
My heart pounds, and not in the way it did prior to our first date. My blood boils as I say, ‘You couldn’t just get a mint to hide it before you came to see me?’ surprising myself at the directness of my words.
‘I don’ t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Oh, c’mon. Cut the crap.’
He doesn’t say anything after this, as if he’s choosing his next words wisely.
I break the sharp silence with, ‘You’ve gotta be kidding me. So you were late because you had, what…someone to fuck before seeing me?’
‘Fucking chill, Kallen. I thought we were having fun.’
‘That doesn’t answer my question.’
‘Fine. Yes, I went to see a friend…and we ended up fucking.’ His words are like knives, those I never knew could harm me.
I thought I’d escaped the emotional risk of getting close to someone in the way I’ve felt close to Hudson.
‘And what about us?’ I ask, the answer already swirling around in my gut.
‘I like spending time to with you,’ he says, his palms face-up. ‘But…’
‘But…’
‘But I like spending time with other people, too.’
I scoff. ‘You told my friend Connor that you were looking for more than fun when you scoped me out.’
True colours begin to pour like the rain shower outside. ‘Well, I lied, okay,’ he reveals. ‘I thought you were attractive, and I wanted you. But look…in my defence…I’ve been with a few guys who’ve been with you, too, and I hear you’re not exactly relationship material either.’
I wonder who he’s spoken to about me. I’ve hooked up with several gays in this part of Brisbane, so it could’ve been anyone.
But I don’t want to just hook up with p eople like I have been, turning my head at the potential of anything more. I thought Hudson was different. I thought he was going to be my first relationship. But maybe he’s right – maybe I’m not relationship material and never will be.
‘Well, maybe I want to be,’ I say.
‘Want to be what?’ Hudson asks.
‘Relationship material.’
He crosses his arms. ‘Well, I’m sorry, but I’m not that person for you.’
I think back to my lunch with Dan last week, when I told him about my mum and how considerate he was, even attempting to relate to me in some way so it didn’t feel like I was completely alone.
There are nice guys out there. But the guy standing in front of me – he’s not the right one, and I knew that a while ago; I just didn’t trust myself to believe it.
‘No, you’re not that person,’ I say after a short beat, feeling a smile creep into my cheeks. ‘Goodbye, Hudson.’
He furrows his brow. ‘So, wait, you don’t wanna have fun anymore?’
‘No.’
‘Well, see ya, then.’
‘See ya.’
I turn and leave his apartment for the last time. Outside, the last rays of sun hit my face, and high above, a rainbow curves over the sky, leading to what looks like the river, to the office, where I need to go pick up my laptop.