Chapter Nineteen
KALLEN
On my walk past the crowd-filled Howard Smith Wharves, I think about how quickly things started and ended with Hudson.
Disappointment and relief strike me in equal measures, even when I get to Eagle Street, where, looking up, I can see lights still on in the office building.
I’ll at least be able to retrieve my laptop, go back home, watch Heartstopper, cry a little, and not leave my bed for the next twelve hours.
At least until I have to get ready for the Pride Month Parade tomorrow morning.
Do I even want to go now, though? I’m not exactly feeling like a walking rainbow at the moment.
The elevator doors ding open to an eerily quiet common room. Sounds like the office is empty.
With a force of anger, I push open the door – which, to my surprise, doesn’t fall off the hinges – and I’m met with a half-naked man on the other side.
His eyes enlarge as soon as I open the door. ‘Ahhhhh!’ comes a yell of surprise.
‘Ahhhh. What the fuck!’ I yelp in response.
It’s Dan, standing in the main office area, wearing only jocks. He grabs his clothes off the floor frantically. ‘Shit…sorry,’ he sputters.
I let out an obnoxious groan, trying not to look. ‘Oh, my God. What are you doing here?’
‘What are you doing here?’ he reiterates, throwing on his chinos in pure chaotic haste, buckling his belt up.
I roll my eyes and walk over to my desk, trying to act more annoyed than upset. ‘I’m collecting my laptop for the weekend.’
‘I’m getting changed to go out,’ he feels the need to clear up. ‘Finished late.’
‘Great,’ I mumble, closing my laptop so hard it could’ve caused damage, but I don’t care right now.
‘Cool,’ he says, buttoning up his floral shirt. ‘You okay?’
I look away. ‘What? Yeah, I’m fine.’
‘You seem a little down, that’s all.’
A deep groan unleashes itself before I say, ‘You wouldn’t understand. Just gay problems.’
He allows a hearty laugh. ‘Well, that…is kind of my forte. Happy to listen.’
Say what now? I look up to meet his gaze, our eyes locked now, hoping the stare distracts him from my confused facial features.
‘What do you mean?’ I ask him, needing reassurance of what’s happening here. ‘You’re straight…right?’
‘No. I’m very gay,’ he says with a shrug.
I feel my face heat. At the same time, my heart flutters. ‘True,’ I say, realising my gaydar has, and maybe always will be, faulty. Then, ‘I…just assumed that you were straight.’
‘Why’s that?’
I shrug. ‘Well, we saw you with a woman and a baby one day in the car park.’
‘Kallen, gross,’ he says, scrunching his face. ‘That was my sister and my nephew.’
Wow. I’ve truly gotten things wrong up until this point.
Dan’s best-case scenario, and I’m an idiot.
‘Oh. That…makes so much sense,’ I say.
He scoffs, then takes a step toward the balcony door, city lights escaping through the glass. ‘I can’t believe you thought that and believed it for this long.’
‘Um, well, it’s not like you gave off any indication you were queer,’ I raise in my defence.
‘I like to keep my personal life out of the workplace,’ he says.
‘Work life balance? I don’t know what that is, unfortunately,’ I blurt out, smirking in his direction.
A half-moon smile crawls across his cheeks. ‘Well, now that we’ve cleared that up, the offer is there if you wanted to talk about anything.’
In response to the glint of sympathy in Dan’s eyes, I ultimately decide to surrender. ‘Thanks.’
Dan pours me a wine from the fridge, and we sit on the balcony, Story Bridge sparkling bright blue below us.
‘As depressing as it might sound, it just seems like my life has been one big disappointment after another,’ I say after a sip of wine. ‘And today, I don’t know. I’ve felt that tenfold.’
‘I’m sorry to hear…but the thing is, Kal,’ Dan says, before adding, ‘Can I call you Kal?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Anyway, you de serve so much better than him. But I feel you – life can be…so fucking disappointing sometimes.’ He allows a pause but doesn’t let it linger.
‘I feel as though before moving to Brisbane and starting at Untold, I just wasn’t getting ahead with life.
Everything I did went to shit and just wasn’t working.
So I felt like the only way forward was a big change.
And you know, for most, that change doesn’t need to involve moving states. But you know what I mean, right?’
He gazes at me like he did when we were at lunch, eyes drawing me in, my lips twisting into a smile.
‘Yeah, I think I know what you mean. It must’ve been a big move for you.
’ Him talking about change explains how I felt two years ago when I moved to Brisbane from Toowoomba, how it felt like being a fish, alone in a big, crowded sea.
‘But I think you’re doing great, Dan. I’m sure you’ll find your place here.
It took me a long fucking time, but I did. ’
His face appears gentle, even more so when he says, ‘Thanks. I appreciate it.’ He pauses, then, ‘I think I’ve got the job thing down packed.
It’s just the other lifestyle things I’m working on.
’ He stands from the table. ‘Talking about work, I told the crew I’d meet them for drinks at Stella’s. You gonna come?’
As much as spending more time with my coworkers – especially Dan – sounds like fun, I think about how tired I’ve become. ‘Thanks, but I think I’ll just go home.’
He tilts his head down. ‘That’s totally fair enough. It’s been a day for ya. Are you sure you’re okay?’
‘Yeah. I’m just tired.’
‘Best to get some rest then,’ he says, followed by a long, awkward beat. ‘Alright, well, I’ll see you on Monday for our trip to Noosa then, yeah?’
The thought of Noosa and the beach with not-straight Dan makes my mouth quirk, even though next week will end with me having to face my family alone. ‘Sounds good,’ I say.
Dan nods. ‘It’ll be a good trip. Get some quality content, sip cocktails by the water, get a tan if the weather stays sunny.’
I lift my glass. ‘It’s what us gays do best.’
He laughs before saying, ‘yeah,’ and goes to walk away. He stops after a few steps, turns back around. ‘Before I forget. Are you going to the Pride Month Parade tomorrow, by chance?’
The original plan was to go with Hudson, Blake, and Connor. But since things didn’t work out with Hudson, I’ll be third wheeling with my favourite couple as per usual. I sigh. ‘Yeah. I’ll be there. With bells on.’
Dan’s mouth lifts into a grin. ‘I’m going with a few friends. Might see you there.’
I raise my glass for the second time. ‘To the rainbow. Thanks for the chat, by the way.’
‘Anytime.’
Once he leaves, I think maybe I should’ve gone to the bar with him, just to see his smile again, the one I can’t seem to stop thinking about on the walk home. Maybe I need some banter, too, some laughter. Or maybe I just need to catch up on sleep. Ultimately, I choose the latter.