Chapter Thirty-Four
KALLEN
It’s been two days since I made one of the most colossal mistakes of my life. I should’ve stopped that goddamn car. But instead, I booked myself into the cheapest motel Toowoomba had to offer. I spent most of the night texting Bella and watching Housewives on my phone.
I considered taking up Janet’s offer of taking me back to Brisbane, but ultimately decided to take the bus. I needed to be alone to process everything.
There’ve been several moments since the party when I’ve gone to message Dan. Even Blake says this is a good idea.
Hey Dan, I’m so sorry. I messed up. Can we talk?
Hey Dan, I don’t want to give this up.
Hey Dan, I think I might have fallen in love with you.
But every time I go to type something, I overthink each word and delete it, torn between giving him space and convincing myself that I don’t deserve him.
Ultimately, we don’t talk, even though I know it’s me who needs to make the first move.
*
Before long, it’s Monday, and my insides are quivering at the thought of seeing Dan at work.
Once the elevator dings open, I walk to the office door and step inside. It’s dead quiet in here. No Disney classics. No banter. No Dan .
Cherry gives me a quick sympathetic glance from the desks. Blake’s looking at me sullenly as I throw my bag down.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask. ‘Why is it so quiet in here?’
Just when I think today couldn’t get any weirder, the door to Christian’s office swings open. He’s standing in it, looking displeased with his arms folded tightly. ‘Kallen, can you come into my office, please?’ he requests, pointer finger raised and gesturing in a summon.
It’s bad. Like, worse than I could ever imagine level of bad.
Once we enter his office, Christian closes the door behind him. Lisa’s sitting where she normally does, across from Christian’s desk on the right. She’s not in her signature sassy mood. In fact, she only gives me a sidelong glance, her face deflated with disappointment.
‘What’s happening?’ I ask, a slight tremor in my voice.
Christian points to the seat. ‘Sit down, Kallen.’
Oh no.
Have they found out about me and Dan in the mailing room? I shrug. ‘What is it?’
Christian sighs. ‘So, as you know…this company is everything to me. I’ve worked very hard to build this from the ground up.
’ He pauses a long beat, head downcast. ‘But…business isn’t doing as well as I thought it would be, and we’v e had some partnerships fall through.
We’ve also had to put off hiring anymore people. ’
‘I mean, good idea,’ I say. ‘You need to do what you need to do.’
‘Yeah,’ Christian grimaces. ‘We’ve also made a decision this morning. We need to downsize so that we can preserve the longevity of Untold Media.’
My stomach feels rock hard. ‘Right. I, um. I’m not sure what you mean. Like a smaller office? Because we only just fit into this one.’
‘Downsizing of employees,’ Lisa says.
‘Oh.’ My voice drops.
‘Look, Kallen,’ Christian struggles. ‘You’ve been a big asset to us over the past couple of years, and it’s a hard decision, but we have to let you go. Also, we heard that you used this work trip as a romantic rendezvous.’
My eyes narrow. ‘What do you mean?’
‘When we spoke to the general manager – Nicholas Gage – at Blue, he mentioned that he saw you two kissing on the balcony of your room.’
For fuck’s sake. Who is Nicholas now, a paparazzo for people who aren’t even celebrities?
‘For one, you two were meant to be there representing Untold Media,’ Christian chastises. ‘Not having a romantic getaway.’
Every inch of me wants to know what Dan told Christian and Lisa about us.
I let out a tremendous huff. ‘I’m sorry. It just…happened.’ My palms face the sky as I raise my hands.
Christian nods, then, ‘I’m sorry, too, Kallen .’
My whole world starts collapsing in on itself.
Tumble, shatter, tumble, shatter, explode.
Repeat. Moisture burns my eyes as I shake my head.
‘What? No. I can’t believe this. You just told me how much of a good worker I am last week.
Why me? Dan’s been here a month, why don’t you fire him? I’ve been here for two years.’
‘It was a tough decision to make, but it is what it is,’ Christian tells me. ‘You can finish up now, and you’ll get six weeks of redundancy pay and any other leave you’ve accrued.’ I look over to Lisa with her head bowed. Christian sighs.
Fuck, what am I going to do? I set light to my family bridges over the weekend, so I can’t ask Katherine for money if I can’t get a suitable job in the next six weeks.
I already miss the office and I haven’t even done my fired walk of shame yet. The office banter. Lunch with Blake every day.
Dan.
‘What about Dan?’ I ask. ‘What did he have to say about what happened?’
Lisa turns to me. ‘Well, in his own words, he says it was a mistake and is willing to put it behind him, just like the rest of us.’
Is that what I am to him? A mistake? A winter fling that’s now resulted in the one thing I feared would happen.
I manage a smile, but all I want to do is cry. ‘It was a mistake,’ I let out, knowing quite well my heart feels the opposite. ‘I’m gonna go…clear my desk and get out of here.’
Christian reaches out to shake my hand. ‘I really am sorry about this. It’s been a great couple of years, though. And remember, change is good.’
His handshake has a firm grip, yet I don’t reciprocate it in the slightest. I feel empty inside, as though I’m about to lose several things simultaneously.
‘Sure,’ I mutter before leaving his office.
My now-ex-coworkers are silent as I return to the main room. I don’t hesitate to be as loud as possible when throwing all my belongings into my bag.
Blake’s mouth is agape. ‘Oh, Kallen. Fuck,’ is all she manages.
‘I bid you all farewell,’ I say, leaving in a chaotic manner. ‘It’s been a pleasure.’
‘Bye, Kallen,’ Cherry says with hesitation in her voice.
‘I’ll call you, okay?’ Blake adds, a high level of concern in her tone.
I turn around, take one last look at that stupid neon sign – which a part of me might miss – then head for the door.
My heart skips a beat when I see Dan standing there, stunned still, his pleading eyes fixated on me.
I stop for a long moment, just to look at him, as if we’re saying goodbye without words.
‘Kallen,’ he lets out.
What else could he possibly have to say? He’s already made it clear that I never meant anything to him. Well, not enough to tell the truth for anyway.
‘Bye, Dan,’ I mumble, walking past him with my head down.
If this isn’t a sign that love’s not for me, then I’m not sure w hat is. How could I be so stupid to fall for Dan, thinking he could be the one? Let’s hope I don’t lose my best friend as a result of the job we’re no longer going to see each other at.
Surely there’s got to be a silver lining in all of this. Surely if I look hard enough, I’ll be able to see it.
Right now, all I see is the coffee shop downstairs. Fuck the only-buying-coffee-on-a-Friday rule. I need something to feel alive, given I’m too dead inside to process my life changing before my very eyes.