Chapter Thirty-Six
KALLEN
‘What a plot twist of a Monday, Dycock,’ Blake mentions when she comes over after work.
I’m in the middle of cleaning my entire apartment. When facing my problems isn’t something I’m quite yet interested in, I can always clean my apartment instead. Plus, I applied for five jobs today in either writing, editing or marketing, so I’m hoping I get an interview for one, at least.
‘Yeah,’ I sigh, wiping down the kitchen bench for the third time.
‘It’s not going to change anything, though,’ Blake says.
‘Oh, I think it changes a lot of things.’
‘Not between us,’ she assures me with a smile. ‘We’re not just work friends or colleagues. I mean, we were both of those. But you’re also my best friend.’
‘Yeah, look, I’m not going to lie,’ I say, my tone regressing. ‘I don’t want to lose you too.’
She brings me in for a hug, which makes me feel a little better, then grabs me by the shoulders.
‘You’re not going to lose me, idiot. Also, I just got off the phone with Mum.
She just got back from India, and I told her all about what’s happened recently, with the surrogacy and all your chaos, and sh e insists we go over for dinner tonight. If you’re free, that is?’
I haven’t seen Blake’s mother, Anika, since well before Pride Month. Perhaps it’s time we were nursed into a food coma by one of the best cooks of Indian food known to humankind.
‘Blake, I’m doing a deep clean in my apartment. Of course I’m free.’
‘Okay, great.’ She arches a brow. ‘Also, Dan was in such a bad mood at work today right after you left. Like, he straight up did not want to be there.’
‘I couldn’t imagine why,’ I say brazenly. ‘I would’ve thought he’d be happy I’m out of his hair.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘Well, for starters, he told Christian and Lisa that he and I were a mistake and that he wanted to, oh yeah, put it all behind him. ’
Blake scoffs.
‘Why are you laughing?’ I ask, confused.
‘Well, I mean, wouldn’t you say something along those lines to your boss if your job was on the line?
You know better than anyone that the way we project ourselves at work can be way different from who we are outside of work.
I can see where you’re coming from, but I don’t know – when I spoke to you when you were in Noosa, and just after you got back, you seemed happier than I’ve ever heard you.
And after hearing how he stood up to your family in Toowoomba… ’
I huff out a deep breath. ‘Yeah, then I fucked it up. Surprise surprise.’
She shrugs. ‘You can always unfuck it.’
‘I dunno.’ My gaze drifts to the desk sitting in the corner of my living room. ‘Might be a sign that it’s not meant to be. I should’ve known it was a bad idea from the start.’
‘Oh, c’mon,’ Blake argues. ‘It’s not over yet. I mean, you guys don’t work together anymore, so you’ve got free range without things being weird in the office.’
I slouch my shoulders. ‘I don’t know. With how things went down at the party, I’m not sure if there is an us anymore.’
‘Well, how serious are you about him?’ she asks. ‘Do you think you like him enough to fight for him? Can you picture a future with him?’
I take a pause, my heart beating faster when I think of how much I can see a future with him. ‘Yes. But—’
‘But what?’ she protests. ‘There’s your answer, Dycock. Message him. Tell him you want to talk about what went down at the party.’
A chuckle slips from me. ‘I wouldn’t even know what to say. And to be honest, I feel like I need to find a job first before anything else.’
‘You’re literally waiting to hear back from jobs and deep-cleaning your apartment,’ she reminds me, grinning. ‘Look, I’m sure you’d speak from your heart. Because if anyone knows that you have one, it’s me. And you deserve love. Or at the very least, to know where you two stand.’
Her mention of the word love doesn’t have me grimacing like it has before. Instead, it makes me smile as I say, ‘Maybe.’
‘We’ll see what Mum has to say about it,’ Blake says. ‘You know she’s wiser than you and I put together.’
The lie cannot be found in this statement whatsoever. But out of the things I need, I’m not sure talking to Dan right now is one of them. I don’t know if it’s a good idea. So far, his presence in my life has blown it all to pieces, leaving me to pick up the mess.
And it doesn’t help that he’s my fucking neighbour, so I likely won’t be able to avoid him forever. At least I can make myself scarce in the apartment building during peak hour.
Christian’s words of wisdom sound off in my head: Change is good. But this kind of change? I’m not entirely sure. What I am sure of, however, is how hungry I am for Mumma Anika’s dal makhani.
*
‘You know what, Blake, your father would’ve been so proud of you,’ Anika says over the dinner table when Blake says she’s just finalised the surrogacy. The table is full of curries and rice dishes, the trusty dal makhani closest to me, since I’ve already had two helpings.
‘He would’ve been proud of you both,’ Anika says, glancing from Blake to me. ‘My two babies.’
Yes, Mumma Anika refers to me as her baby, too, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.
Tears well in Anika’s eyes as her gaze sets on Blake. ‘I’m going to be a grandmother.’
Given everything going on, I take a moment to appreciate where I am and who I’m with .
‘Also, Mum, and Kallen, I have some other news I’ve just kind of jumped on today,’ Blake tells us. ‘I’m doing a drag show at Euphoria next Friday.’
My mouth falls open. ‘Wait, what? Excuse me!’
‘Yeah, I was on the phone to Lenny. He’s running a reunion drag event this weekend, and one of the performers pulled out, so he was wondering if I wanted to take it on.
He was so nice about it and knew that I quit doing it ‘cause I was busy with other stuff. But when he asked me, I was like ummm yes . It’s something I’ve definitely been missing. ’
It’s something I’ve missed too. Seeing my best friend on stage. My best friend who never ceases to inspire me. Who’s pretty much family at this point.
Blake departs the dinner table with a teaser of the moves we could expect from her on Saturday night.
Then she offers to clean up the kitchen while Anika and I sit out on the greenery-awashed back deck.
The croaking of a frog fills the silence for a beat, until it stops and I stare around at the trees and plant leaves, soaking it all in.
Surprised I have it in me to soak up anything right now, granted the series of unfortunate events I’ve managed to vacuum up like the crumbs in my kitchen.
‘How’re you doing, Kallen?’ Anika asks, right when I’m thinking about how it isn’t a work night, and I don’t have to get up early to responsibilities. It’s a weird feeling but also freeing. For finances' sake, though, I hope an employer calls me soon.
‘Well, apart from m y life falling into pieces and then being set on fire, everything’s fine,’ I say.
Anika breathes a soft laugh. ‘When it rains, it pours, right?’
‘Unfortunately, yeah.’
She sighs. ‘I know you probably see me as this crystal-loving hippy sometimes. But if it makes you feel any better, when a multitude of things go wrong; most of the time it’s momentary and paving the way for something good.
Because that’s what most things are: they’re temporary. Emotions, events, life.’
Feeling my eyes glaze over, I say, ‘Hope you’re right.
Because honestly, I am over it. So yeah, that’s how I’m doing.
I just feel defeated, you know? It felt like things were maybe going to get better and I thought maybe this is it.
But now, it’s all gone to shit, and I’m ten steps behind where I started. ’
‘I think it’s the opposite, Kallen,’ Anika replies. ‘I think you’ve grown from this experience. And maybe it’s the universe telling you that you’ve outgrown a few things.’
I pinch the bridge of my nose. ‘If only it were that simple. But you’re right.’
Anika places a hand on my shoulder. ‘You’re going to be okay. And look, if you need somewhere to live if things don’t go to plan right away, you know I have a room here.’
Amongst all the shitfuckery, I’d forgotten Anika has a spare room. She’s told me on numerous occasions that she loves the company. That she sometimes gets lonely living in the house by herself, especially without Blake’s father, who passed away five years ago.
‘Thanks, Anika. I real ly appreciate it.’
‘You are most welcome. We love you, Kallen. And we care about you a lot.’ Her gaze shifts to the garden, then back to me. ‘You know, it’s not too late to speak with someone. Not just about how things are at the moment, but things from the past.’
When she says the word someone , I know exactly what she means. Similar words have been said, and the same sickening knot ties in my gut.
Last time, I brushed it off with a, ‘ no, seriously, I’ll be fine’ , and segued the conversation like it never happened. But now, the prospect of therapy feels less like a threat and more like a…good idea.
And this time, I nod and say, ‘Yeah, I should.’
Anika shrugs. ‘It might help. Anyway, what’s the situation with the guy? Dan, is it?’
I groan. ‘Yep.’
‘Are things over, do you think?’
‘I think so. I mean, did Blake tell you what he said to our bosses? Well, my ex-bosses.’
Anika cocks an eyebrow. ‘Yes, she did. Are you convinced, though?’
‘I mean, shouldn’t I be? It hurt to hear that, especially after the trip to Noosa.’
Anika offers a narrowed focus. ‘I can imagine it would’ve. Have you spoken to him about what he said?’
I roll my eyes. ‘No. I don’t know. I think this is one of the situations where maybe this week is a fresh start on all fronts.’
Anika nods. ‘And you know what? ’
‘What?’
‘You deserve just that,’ she says. ‘And I’m sure whatever this fresh start involves, something good will be waiting.’
When my gaze meets her kind smile, I feel some sort of hope for the future.
And I’m reminded of one thing. One thing I hope I never forget.
That these people around me are more important than any job.
They’re family. And they’re here to stay.