Chapter 36
Landon
High School Graduation Day
Today feels more like a funeral than a graduation.
This should be the happiest day of my life. I’m finally getting away from my father, finally getting out of that suffocating house. I got a full ride to UC Berkeley and will be able to play lacrosse there. Everything is still going according to plan, despite the fact that it won’t be at UCLA.
But all I can think about is her.
Ainsley knew what that game meant to me.
She knew more than anyone how badly I needed to get away from my father.
All she had to do was let me play. Keep my secret a little longer.
Have my back. Stand by my side. Trust me.
But she couldn’t do that. She needed to be the best, the only.
She needed to have all eyes on her. She sabotaged my dream.
And for what? She won’t be playing another lacrosse game ever again. She didn’t need scouts or scholarships.
I did.
What’s worse, I was foolish enough to think she cared about me.
Now, we can’t even be in the same room together. I can’t look at her without resentment fighting its way up my throat, the betrayal like a bitter bile I can’t wash out of my mouth.
The football field is lined with folding chairs. Teachers make speeches about the future. Students make plans for parties tonight. I should be smiling for pictures, reminiscing with classmates. Instead, there’s a constant simmering anger under my skin.
Ainsley sits to the right of the middle aisle.
I had hoped she’d be somewhere behind me with the order of our last names, but M through Z is on the right half of the field, making her directly in my line of view for the entire ceremony.
Now and again, she’ll laugh with the people around her, as if everything is fine.
Maybe it is. Maybe she doesn’t feel this hole in her chest, this twisting in her gut.
Of course, she doesn’t.
Ainsley Morgan only cares about herself.
Mom dabs at the corner of her eye with a tissue as I push through the crowd to get to her after the ceremony. “I’m so proud of you, baby. I can’t believe you’ll be off to college soon.”
I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight, breathing in her flowery scent. She’s the only thing I’ll miss from this place.
“Take a picture with your father.” She gestures to the piece of shit standing off to the side.
Instead, I take the camera from her and toss it to him. “Take a picture of me and Mom.”
He can’t touch me anymore. I’m out of his reach now. And once I get on that plane, I don’t plan on seeing him ever again. My mother is the only thing I care about in this world, and once I’m stable enough out there, I’ll convince her to move to California with me.
What will the abusive man do with no one left to abuse? I can’t fucking wait to find out.
I squint into the sun and try to look happy for my mother so she has a nice picture for her wall.
“Will you be going out with the boys tonight?” Mom asks.
“No.” Now that lacrosse is over, there’s no point to pretend like we’re all friends off the field. Not with high school behind us. I’m letting go of everything and everyone from this place.
“Oh, look.” She lifts her hand and waves. “There’s Ainsley.”
“Mom.” I grit my teeth as I lower my voice. “Stop. What are you doing?”
She shoots me an apologetic glance. “Sweetheart, her father isn’t well.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Guilt coils itself around my stomach as I spit my words like venom. “I told you, I have nothing to say to her. Stop trying to force this.”
Mom sighs. She’s been on me all week about reconciling with Ainsley before I leave.
As if I’m the one who needs to apologize.
Ainsley made her choice. It was me or lacrosse, and she chose to stab me in the back.
“Well, I’m going to congratulate her,” she says. Dad wraps his arm around her shoulders, as if he’s some doting husband.
“You do that.” I turn in the opposite direction and walk toward the parking lot.
I need to get the hell out of here.
A familiar voice stops me in my tracks. “Landon.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I force a tight smile. “Hi, Mr. Morgan.”
Ainsley’s father takes a moment to walk toward me. He moves slower every time I see him, his skin a sallow color, his eyes sunken in like hollowed out holes.
This might be the last time I see him.
Emotion lodges itself in my throat, but I try to swallow it down.
Robert claps me on the back. “I just wanted to say congratulations. I heard you’re going to Cali.”
I nod once, stealing a glance at Ainsley as she laughs with my mother. “Yes, sir.”
He rests his hand on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you. I know how hard it’s been for you, but you’re going to move on and do great things.”
My chest aches. “Thank you.”
I should say something...anything. But I let the words linger in the silence between us.
There’s not much I can say to a man who doesn’t have much longer to live.
I’m sorry just doesn’t cut it. I can’t imagine the things he’s feeling, knowing that he’s leaving his daughter behind, or how scared he must be for the end.
I wish it wasn’t him. I wish it was my own father, sick and dying, being taken from us so we can be rid of his evil.
“I want you to have this,” Robert says, slipping a thin white envelope out of the inside of his jacket.
My eyebrows pinch together as I take it from him. “What is it?”
“Don’t open it now. I just wanted you to have it for when the time comes.”
When he’s gone.
His eyes fill with tears. He clears his throat and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Goodbye, Landon. Take care.”
My throat constricts and my eyes burn. It’s not fair. Nothing in this life is fair. He doesn’t deserve to go out like this.
I clear my throat. “Goodbye, Robert.”
Then I stuff the envelope in my pocket as I walk off the field.
And never look back.