Chapter Fifteen
Claire
Ican no longer bear the pain in his eyes. My need for this man swims through my body. There’s a desperate need to bridge all the space that separates us. I also want him to let the pain go for tonight. I made him unbury everything until he was exposed and raw. Now I want us to forget.
To lose ourselves in one another and let everything go. He’s a risk because I know I could want him more and more. One time isn’t going to be enough, and that scares me. But I’ve also never been more sure of anything in my life.
So, I make him look at me. Then steal his lips. We are lost after that. We tear at the last few pieces of clothing we wear. His touch is explorative as he works to learn my body. There won’t be a piece of me that hasn’t felt his hands. Or mouth, I note as he moves from my lips and down my body. His coarse beard brushes my skin in the process.
Everything about his touch pulls a reaction from me. I’m more sensitive to touch, but I don’t have to show him how to touch me. Oftentimes, I have to guide a nervous partner on how to touch me. Not Jamison. His movements are sure. Confident. Firm. And so are mine. I take my time running my hands across the firm planes of his chest and over his shoulders, then down his back. His skin is warm, his body vibrating as the rumble of his voice releases. His muscles flex as he settles his body over mine after applying protection to himself. I’m not surprised he’s prepared and thoughtful.
He cares for my body just as I trusted he would. We know and communicate in a way only two bodies can. So, when he looks at me one final time as he nudges my center, I let him know I’m ready for him to take me.
“God, yes, Jamison.”
He’s hard and firm as he presses in and sets a steady pace that eventually has my body arching toward him and buzzing with unrestrained desire as his hands glide down my neck and across my skin. A thin layer of sweat coats my skin when he effortlessly lifts my body up and has me straddle his lap, where he kneels before me. His arm bands around my back to keep our bodies close as he moves me over him, still in control and knowing exactly the way to move us as one.
My head tips back, my hair tumbling over his arms, and my throat vibrates with a moan as he grinds my body into his. I roll my head forward and lose myself in his hungry gaze. Our mouths taste each other and our bodies keep in sync as the pressure builds inside me. He doesn’t relent his pace or falter his deep strokes.
“You feel so good,” I say out loud when a deep vibration courses through his body. He must love hearing the words because it makes his grip on my body tighten and his control slip as he works to pull more sounds from me.
I’m taking a risk tonight. Likely the greatest one ever, since it’s my heart on the line. Something I’ve never placed out there for someone to take.
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His fingers glide through a curl and trail down my shoulder. His touch is drawing that same awareness from my body as when he explored it for hours last night.
I turn around and face him. The smile remains on my lips.
You hungry? he asks, wearing an answering smile of his own.
I shake my head but decide I should get out of bed first to make him breakfast. I might not be hungry, but I’m sure he is.
He squeezes my leg, then climbs out of bed and slips on a pair of the sweats he packed. He doesn’t bother with a shirt. He steps from the room, and I rise after him. I’ve never had someone invade my space like he is. I don’t mind; it’s just different. I’ve only had one roommate, and that was Maddie. I’ve also never asked a guy to stay a weekend with me like I asked him. This is uncharted territory for me. It’s dangerous and risky. I can’t get used to having him around the house or in my bed.
I slip on some workout clothes, freshen up in the bathroom, then follow him into the kitchen. He’s reaching for a skillet, his muscles flexing with the movement. I felt and explored his body in depth under the light of my bedroom, but the added sunlight from the kitchen window emphasizes the details more.
Mind if I make us some eggs and bacon? he asks when he catches my attention.
I find myself more lost than ever, but I shake my head. I usually fast in the morning, and I told him I wasn’t hungry, but I don’t want to offend him by not eating his breakfast. He seems to catch on that I’m uncomfortable and sends me a reassuring smile. I busy myself with preparing coffee to distract from my crazy thoughts. There’s suddenly a tingling sensation sweeping over my body. Even my underarms sweat as I watch the coffee drip into my mug. I don’t want to disappoint him.
My anxiety sneaks up and takes over, causing my focus to waver. With a quick glance at my watch, I see it’s after eight. I lost hours of my morning routine because of Jamison. I’ve never slept in after five. I should have already gone on my run. Another glance at my watch confirms that the hours are really gone. It’s okay, because last night I was impulsively living in the moment. I don’t regret them. I hadn’t fully given myself time to prepare, though. Now things are catching back up, and the surrealness of the moment is taking hold. I’ll admit my biggest concern is disappointing him or him thinking my quirks are too much to deal with.
You okay?Jamison asks. The concern causes his brows to push together. I hate seeing worry on his face simply because I’m having an off day and allowing the anxiety to win.
Jamison grabs his phone, abandoning all breakfast preparations. The deep breath fills my lungs, bringing the scent of him when he comes to stand before me. He’s typing in smooth and quick strokes across his phone. The message takes him time to compose, so I watch the way his jaw is taut and his brow is scarred. I observe the way his tongue slips out to wet his lip or how when he’s done writing, he hands the phone over and runs a hand through his hair. It’s tied back, but a bit of the front has come undone.
Tell me what’s going on with you, please? I don’t want you to regret last night. I know I didn’t give you much time to prepare. It was impulsive, but I don’t regret a moment of it. I like you, and I want us to keep whatever this is going. I need to know we are on the same page, though. So, we have to communicate above all else. Tell me every thought that’s going through your mind. Remember that secrets don’t make friends.
But sharing secrets does.
I finish the thought. The trust that we’ve developed has to be there between us always.
I just realized how much my morning schedule is off, which gives me a bit of anxiety, that’s all. I just have weird quirks sometimes. I don’t regret being with you; not one of those moments in your arms do I regret. I swear.
He glances at the time and cringes.
I’m sorry, he signs, then starts typing a response. I check on his bacon and eggs since he’s all but abandoned them anyway.
Jamison hands the phone back and takes the spatula from my hand. He places a small tap on my butt and returns to making breakfast.
I’m happy to see you don’t regret it. Let’s fix this. I have my own quirks you’ll learn too. I never meant to intrude. So, what is your normal Sunday morning like?
Usually, I’m up before five. I would have already run three miles, and I don’t break my fast until after noon.
I’m nibbling on my lip as I pass the phone back. He pauses and reads the message. The side of his lip rises. He turns the phone off and pulls the skillet from the stove. Jamison searches the cabinets above his head. He pulls one plate down and loads the breakfast onto it. After he digs around for a fork, he shoves the eggs into his mouth. He eats quickly, not sharing.
My stomach loosens. There was a knot forming. I’m able to take a sip of coffee. He devours his food in no time, then rinses his dishes off. He makes quick work of it, then he raises a finger and asks for a moment from me.
I lean against the counter and wait while sipping my coffee. I look out my kitchen window at the beautiful summer morning. The sun pours in and floods my kitchen in warmth. The room is simple, but efficient. Just how I like it.
Jamison returns a few moments later and is dressed. He’s quickly brushing his teeth and grinning at me. He glances at the time again, then asks for a few more moments. The smile touches my lips again. When he comes back freshened up and dressed in a sexy pair of gray sweats, he pauses with his hands braced on his hips. He contemplates for a moment, then asks, Three miles? Really?
Yes, but you don’t have to. You just ate.
I want to. I’ll be fine.
And so we do, but I ease into the run to let his food settle. Jamison shows me just how much he wants to be part of my world, even when it involves working up a sweat other than between the sheets.
Though we do a pretty good job at that again when we get back to the house.
A few hours later, Jamison is dressed again. His jeans fit snug, and so does the black t-shirt that stretches across his chest. His hair is finally dry from the shower we shared earlier. He bends down and slips his well-loved work boots on. I watch every movement he makes with a precise focus. He’s methodical as he prepares to leave me.
There’s a tug on my arm. His warm hand wraps around my wrist and stops me from pulling on the shirt I’m wearing. I glance up and give him a reassuring smile. I’m really okay, and I tell him that.
I’m going to miss you.He signs right before he buries his hand into my hair. He kisses my forehead.
I bring my hands up between us. Only two weeks.
He slips his hands free to sign, A long two weeks.
He’s right. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks.
Thank you for coming up and surprising me.That draws a charming smile from him. He comes back to steal my lips in a kiss. This isn’t a goodbye, just a goodbye for now. But he tastes me like he doesn’t want to forget me the entire time he’s gone. I smile against his lips and he smiles back. We know we are stalling, but he really has to go. He’s got an entire flight plan he takes Monday mornings, and there are people who won’t get the supplies they need if he isn’t there.
I shove on his chest and break the kiss. Go, I sign with a smile and shove him toward the door. The way I feel after he closes the door makes my smile fall. I know it’s a risk being with Jamison, but it’s an adventure too. And I can’t wait for the next few weeks to go by to see him again.
When I wander into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, I find an envelope resting on the table. This one is written on my stationary, but when I get closer, Jamison’s script is clear.
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Hey, babe,
I’m going to be thinking about you the entire time we are apart. I’m going to kiss you so hard before I leave.
I hope your classes are good this week. Don’t let those kids give my girl too hard of a time.
I’ll be doing my normal flight plan Monday, so I’ll be dropping off supplies in Kodiak, then swinging around to the smaller surrounding villages. It’s a beautiful trip.
There’s something I want to ask you to do with me for our next date, but I want to give you time to consider both of the things I have planned for us when you come up. And don’t worry, Billy already warned me not to hog you all to myself while you’re in Casper.
The first thing is that I want you to consider flying with me. Think about it, because I’m certain you’re worried right now. Don’t be.
Second thing is, there’s a wedding I have to attend. It’s not something I want to do alone. It would be easier with you at my side.
Jamison
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I’m not sure what part of his letter to focus on first. The fact he’s going to take me on a date to a wedding, of all things? My chest constricts just thinking about attending a wedding with him and what I’m sure will be all his friends. I don’t even know who the wedding is for. Then there’s the flying. I’ve never been in a plane before. I don’t know what could happen while we are in the air.
Perhaps the most terrifying of all things is that he called me his girl. I don’t know how to be someone’s person. I’ve never had a person aside from Maddie, and I lost her. No one’s ever needed me. And being around Jamison is intense. He has this magnetic field of danger surrounding him. This risk and consuming adventure that bleeds into his soul. He needs to take on the world and save it, just like Maddie did. If Jamison was the one shopping that night, he would have stepped in front of the bullet too. He wouldn’t have thought twice about it.
Me, I would have run away from the danger or froze up. That’s a normal response. I don’t want to be the hero of a story. I don’t want to make a change to the world. I just want to wake up in the morning and run alone. I want to spend the evening sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a fuzzy blanket. I want to teach my kids, then grab pineapple pizza for dinner after.
Maybe he isn’t going to want to do those things, and there’s no way I’ll fit into his world.