Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
The wine bottles are gone, and my bed has clean sheets when I return. I’m sweaty and sore and exhausted. Training with Brevan was awkward. Even though I think he believes me, he was distant. But the lesson was good. Better than good. I’m pretty sure I could actually kill someone now.
On the walk back to my room, I let him know I had a headache and requested to skip dinner in favor of sleep. I hope it is enough to keep Caiden from visiting. I am not going to be able to trick him again.
I fill the bathtub, then soak until the water turns cold.
Horses come charging into our village, the cavalry on their backs yell and scream. The men throw torches on houses as they race down the street. Shadows flow in their wake, wrapping around them like snakes.
Legionnaires follow, brandishing swords, axes, and knives. They run into buildings, dragging people out.
There’s so much screaming. So much blood. I cower in my brother, Felix’s, arms. He’s whispering something to me, but I can’t make out the words. We’re hidden, but we’re not safe. Any minute, someone is going to throw a torch on the porch we’re under, or they’ll see us and drag us out.
I’m searching for any signs of our other brother, Arthur, or our parents. They’re out there fighting. I know Felix wishes he was with them, but he promised our mother he would stay with me. At thirteen, he’s nearly old enough to join the battle. Instead, he’s comforting his eleven-year-old sister.
There’s another explosion and I bury my face into his chest. Felix pulls me tighter against him. After the ringing in my ears subsides, I look out again. There are so many boots racing over the snow. Our village is vastly outnumbered.
The streets run red as blood stains the fresh snow. Jana, the woman we buy our bread from, is dragged from her home by her hair. She’s in her underclothes, but they bunch up around her as a legionnaire pulls her through the snow, so her breasts are showing.
She claws at his hands, cursing him as he pulls her. When the legionnaire releases her, she grabs hold of his leg and bites him. He swings an axe, and it lodges itself in her skull.
I turn and press my face against my brother’s chest. I think I’m crying, but I can’t tell anymore. Nothing feels real. This has to be a nightmare.
My brother smooths my hair, then turns my head. “Watch. Watch, little warrior. Don’t look away.”
I wake with a start, covered in sweat. I look around, getting my bearings.
I haven’t dreamed about that night in years.
I pull my knees to my chest and rest my head against them.
I’d forgotten that nickname. They never used it after that night.
It was a piece of me that was left with the ruins of our old village.
When we were young, I’d follow my brothers everywhere.
I begged to learn to fight like them. Sometimes they’d indulge me and let me spar with them with sticks.
They’d call me a little warrior, and I enjoyed the attention they gave me.
The training was fun. I didn’t understand that it was for a purpose.
My father would scoop me up and tell me fighting wasn’t my job. That the men would protect me.
But he died the night of that attack. He left three young children and his wife behind.
My mother turned into a fighter after that. Determined to see a better future for her children.
I stayed in the background. Helping, but never picking up arms. What good did it do, anyway? My father was still dead despite his years of training.
Then I gave up on all of them when I turned my back on the rebellion.
Their deaths have to mean something. They can’t just be gone and forgotten. I can’t let that happen.
I leave my bed and pull a robe over my shoulders. I know how to kill the emperor. I just need to find the right weapon.
Brevan isn’t outside my door when I open it. Instead, there’s a yawning legionnaire. His eyes widen when he sees me. “Princess, is everything alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I skipped dinner and hoped I could find a snack in the kitchen.”
“I don’t know,” he says. “I was told to make sure you don’t leave your room.”
“I won’t take long. I’ll just find some bread or something, then come right back.” I smile sweetly.
“Don’t believe her,” a deep voice says.
I know it’s Brevan without seeing him, but I look anyway. “I thought you weren’t going to leave my door?”
His hair is tousled, and his tunic is untucked.
He’s got a sword hanging at his side, which seems out of place given his clothing choices.
My eyes widen when I notice his trousers aren’t tied at the waist. Fuming, I turn away from him.
I don’t think I want to know who he was with just now. “I’m going to the kitchen.”
“Then I’ll go with you,” he says.
“Then maybe you should tie up your trousers,” I hiss over my shoulder.
“Should I stay or go?” the young legionnaire asks.
“Stay,” I shout at the same time that Brevan says, “Go.”
“Which one is it?” he asks.
“Your orders come from me. Not from her. Go,” Brevan commands.
I’m already several paces away, but Brevan catches me quickly. “You’re not jealous, are you?”
“I have no reason to be,” I say. “But maybe I’m angry that you were off with some woman and left an inexperienced legionnaire at my door.”
“If it makes you feel better, I wasn’t with a woman. I took a nap and forgot to tie my trousers after I put them back on.”
The visual of him without his clothes on flashes in my mind, and I scoff, mostly because I’m angry at myself for not pushing him out of my head. “It doesn’t matter. You can do whatever you want. I know they’re going to send you relic hunting soon, anyway.”
“Actually, I’m here a while longer,” he says.
That gets me to stop walking. “Why?”
“Caiden left after dinner tonight. The emperor went with him.”
“When will they return?” I can’t exactly kill the emperor if he’s not here.
“They didn’t say,” he says.
“That’s not helpful. That could be tomorrow or weeks from now,” I say.
“They’re not usually gone more than a couple of days.” He stops walking. “Kitchen’s this way.” Brevan points behind us, to a flight of stairs I’d passed in my hurry to get away from him.
I huff out an annoyed breath, then backtrack. At least I have more time to find the weapon.
The kitchen is lit by a small fire burning in the hearth. It’s only unoccupied for a few hours each day, so I’m counting it as good luck that there’s nobody else here.
“I knew I should have sent up dinner for you,” Brevan says.
“I wasn’t hungry at the time. Besides, I’d still be asleep if not for the nightmare.” I press my lips together before I say anything else. I don’t want him to know what my nightmare was about.
He looks younger tonight. Softer. Maybe it’s the dim firelight, or the clothing. Whatever it is, it’s a side of him I haven’t seen before. “Homesick?”
“Yeah.”
“How about a sandwich?” he asks.
“Are you offering to make me food?”
“I know my way around this kitchen pretty well,” he says.
“Alright.” I sit on one of the stools at the table in the back. It’s probably for staff to eat or prep ingredients at, but I prefer it to any of the fine tables I’ve sat at while here.
Brevan moves around the kitchen, slicing a round loaf of bread, then pulling ingredients from the pantry. He prepares two sandwiches on simple plates and carries them over to the table.
He sits in the stool across from me.
“Thank you,” I say.
“You’re welcome.”
I take a bite of the sandwich. It’s sliced vegetables and cheese with some salted meat. “This is delicious.”
“I perfected it after long training days when I was younger.”
“It was kind of the emperor to take you in. It must have been interesting living in the castle after being somewhere else your whole life,” I say.
“It was.”
What was Brevan the orphan like? How might his life have been different if he’d remained with his family, whoever they were. “Did you know right away that you wanted to join the Night Legion?”
“Shortly after I arrived. I thought it the best way for a boy with no family to make a place for himself. And to serve the emperor after all he did for me.”
“Are you happy with your choice?” I ask.
He finishes a bite of his sandwich. “Most days. But the more I experience, the more I realize that nobody truly gets a choice.”
I take a bite of my sandwich and chew slowly while I contemplate his words. I used to think we all made our own choices. That my mother chose to abandon our home and join the rebellion. But she left a town that had nothing left and needed to feed her children. What other options did she have?
When I look back on my own life, I see the path I’ve taken. So often I chose the route I thought I had to. There were few times I took the route I wanted.
“Maybe nobody gets to choose. There’s an illusion of options when we’re young, but I don’t think it even existed then.”
“I learned that younger than most by watching Caiden. If a prince doesn’t get that luxury, what chance do any of us have?” he says.
“What happened between you and Caiden?”
He chews, then puts down his sandwich. “After our gifting ceremonies, he was angry at me for the power I had. My magic was so destructive and dangerous. He thought his father had favored me and asked the gods to give me more.”
“He was jealous? I’ve seen his magic.” I rub my throat, then drop my hand. “It’s plenty strong.”
“It is,” he agrees.
“But yours was more powerful.” The flash of light plays in my mind. “And I haven’t seen it at its full strength, have I?”
“No, you haven’t,” he says.
“So the emperor bound your magic to make his son feel better?” That sounds insane, even for Caiden.
“I think he bound it because he was afraid of it. If I ever turned against him, or lost control, it would be catastrophic,” he says.
“You wouldn’t, though.” I don’t know why I’m so certain. This is the same man who has a reputation for destroying whole villages and killing without remorse. But the Brevan I’ve come to know doesn’t resemble the one I was warned about. How is it possible he could be such a monster?
“I might. I used it without considering any consequences twice since meeting you,” he says.
“And how often did you use it before me?” I ask, afraid of the answer.
“Since being bound?”
I nod.
“Never.”
My hands tremble and I move them to my lap so he can’t see. We’re walking a dangerous line here and I think we both know that. I need to change the subject.
“Thank you for the sandwich.” I climb off the stool. “We should probably get back.”
“Of course.” He clears the plates and I wait for him near the door.
We take our time, strolling slowly down the dark and abandoned halls. When we pass the temple, I glance inside. Two candles still flicker in the darkness.
“Caiden is hoping I’ll help him fulfill the prophecy,” I blurt.
"I know. Is that why you’re at the empress’s temple so often? To ask the gods for—”
“—For them to not give me magic, yes,” I say.
His brow furrows. “I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want magic. Man or woman.”
“I’ve seen the destruction and pain it can cause.” The memory of my village flashes in my mind. I’ve always wondered if our fighters would have had a chance if not for the magic of the legion. “It doesn’t seem worth it. And it doesn’t seem fair.”
“Because the emperor limits who gets it?”
I nod.
“Can you imagine more people with my power? If everyone had magic, we’d kill each other off.” He stops in front of my door.
“Or maybe we’d find ways to use it for good,” I say as I reach for the handle. “Ways to harness it for other things besides harm.”
“I forgot people could be like you.” He leans against the wall, facing my room.
“What do you mean?”
“You have hope. I forget that is even possible.”
I smile. Maybe I will figure out a way to finish what I started here. I step into my room, then glance over my shoulder. “Good night. Thank you again.”
Only one dim lamp burns on the small desk, but it’s enough light to get back in bed. As soon as I’m under the covers, I catch movement near my window.
I’m not alone.