CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
By the time they finished examining me, I wanted to go home. Not Jokah's penthouse, my mama's house. I wanted my old bedroom, my mother's voice and my sisters somewhere close enough for me to hear them arguing about something stupid. I wanted everything to feel normal again.
Armani sat in the chair beside my bed. She hadn't let go of my hand in almost ten minutes.
"You squeezing the shit out my fingers."
She looked down at our hands.
"My bad."
"You good."
Armani loosened her grip but didn't let my hand go. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and I knew mine looked the same. She had been trying to stay strong for me since she walked into the room, but every few minutes, her eyes became teary.
I tightened my fingers around hers. She didn't say anything, and neither did I. Right now, I just needed my sister beside me.
Mama and Chanel were somewhere down the hall. Jokah had brought me straight to the hospital, called Mama like he promised, and stayed beside me until the nurse started explaining what they needed to do. He looked at me, then at Armani.
For the first time since he found me, I saw him hesitate.
"I'll be right outside."
He didn't make me ask him to leave. He knew what they were about to do was already going to be hard enough without him in the room, even if he was Jokah. Before he walked out, he came over and kissed my forehead.
"I ain't going nowhere, baby."
Then he looked at Armani.
"I got her," she said.
Jokah nodded once and walked out. That was how Armani ended up sitting beside me, holding my hand through the hardest part of the night.
The door opened and a nurse walked inside holding a tablet. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired."
"I understand."
She stood closer to the bed. "We have everything we need from the examination. Before you're discharged, I need to go over a few things with you."
Armani squeezed my hand again while the nurse went over everything I needed to know once I left the hospital.
She explained the follow-up care, additional testing, symptoms I needed to watch for, numbers I could call if I needed help, and appointments they wanted me to schedule.
I barely heard any of it. I nodded whenever it seemed like I was supposed to, hoping Armani was paying attention because my mind couldn't hold on to anything the nurse was saying.
Then she paused. Her eyes dropped to the chart in her hands before coming back to me.
"There is one other thing we need to discuss."
Something about her voice made me pay attention.
"What?"
"Your pregnancy test came back positive."
I stared at her in disbelief.
"My what?"
"The urine pregnancy test was positive."
"No."
The nurse waited.
"No, I'm not pregnant."
"We also checked your blood work. Your hCG level confirms the pregnancy."
I knew it was possible. Jokah and I hadn't exactly been careful, but knowing something could happen and being told it actually had were two completely different things.
"Can you do it again?"
"We can repeat the blood work if the doctor feels it's necessary, but—"
"Do it again."
Armani turned her head and looked at me.
"Ma'am, you don't need to do that."
"Excuse me?"
"They got the pee and the blood, Kaior. What else you want them to test?"
"Armani."
"I'm just saying."
"Well, don't."
She pressed her lips together and looked away.
I turned back to the nurse.
"Can you please do it again?"
"I'll speak with the doctor."
"Thank you."
My heart was beating so hard that I could feel it in my chest.
"When was the first day of your last menstrual period?"
I opened my mouth, then stopped. When was it?
I tried counting backward. I thought back over the last few weeks, trying to remember the last time I bought tampons, pads or complained about cramps.
So much had happened between Kyrie, meeting Jokah, the yacht, and everything that came after that, the days had started running together.
Then it hit me. I was late. Very fucking late.
Then another memory hit me. The picnic. Jokah looking across that blanket at me like he already made up his damn mind. You gone get pregnant. I closed my eyes. Oh my God.
Armani looked at me. "What?"
"Nothing."
Because I damn sure wasn't about to tell her that this nigga had already called it. Everything had happened so fucking fast that I hadn't even realized how much time had passed.
Armani looked at me. "Kaior?"
"Hold on."
I reached for my phone before remembering I didn't have it. My phone was gone. Jokah had it.
"I don't know."
"Are your cycles usually regular?" the nurse asked.
"Yes."
"When was your last one?"
"I said I don't know. I have to think."
My voice came out sharper than I intended.
"I'm sorry."
"You're fine. Take your time." The nurse reassured me.
I looked at her. "I'm late."
"How late?"
"I don't know."
"Like a few days?"
"I don't fucking know, Armani."
She went quiet. I looked back at the nurse.
"How pregnant am I?"
"We can't determine exactly how far along you are from these results alone. The doctor may order additional testing, and you'll need to follow up with your OB for dating."
"But..."
I looked down at the blanket covering my legs.
"Is the baby okay?"
Armani's grip tightened around my hand. The nurse's expression softened. "Based on what we know right now, there isn't anything indicating a problem with the pregnancy. The doctor will talk to you about follow-up care and whether any additional testing is needed."
I swallowed and looked down at my stomach.
I was really pregnant. My hand slowly moved to my stomach as my eyes filled with tears.
There was a baby growing inside me. Jokah's baby.
Then my mind went straight to Shania. She might be carrying his baby too, and now I was sitting here carrying one of my own.
I covered my face as the tears came again.
"What the fuck is happening to my life?"
Armani stood and wrapped her arms around me and I leaned into her.
"It's okay."
"No, it's not."
"I know."
"I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel right now."
"Then don't figure it out right now."
I cried against her shoulder.
"I just found out I'm pregnant after—" My voice gave out before I could finish.
Armani held me tighter. "You don't have to say it."
I closed my eyes and rested my hand against my stomach, still trying to process everything the nurse had just told me.
"You want me to get him?" Armani asked quietly.
I shook my head. "No."
My eyes went toward the door. I knew Jokah was somewhere on the other side waiting for me.
Knowing him, he was probably pacing the hallway and ready to tear the entire hospital apart because they were taking too long.
But I couldn't tell him about the baby. Not yet.
Not tonight. I had just survived something I still couldn't even bring myself to say out loud.
I needed time to process one thing before adding something else to it.
I couldn't put another emotion on top of it.
"You're not gonna tell him?"
"I didn't say that."
"Then what are you saying?"
I wiped my face. "I'm saying I can't do it right now."
"Okay." She nodded.
I looked back down at my stomach. My entire life had changed twice in one night.
First, somebody had taken something from me I could never get back.
And then I found out Jokah and I had created something neither one of us knew was there.
I didn't know whether to cry because I was scared...
or because somewhere underneath all that pain, a tiny part of me was happy. So, I did both.
Kaior barely said anything during the ride home. She sat beside me staring out the window, her hand resting in mine. I didn't ask her any questions. I didn't ask what happened in that room, what the doctors said, or what was going through her mind.
She'd been asked enough questions tonight. When we got to the penthouse, I walked around to her side and opened the door.
"I can walk."
"I know."
I picked her up anyway. She didn't argue.
She just rested against me and let me carry her.
That shit hurt. Kaior had been fighting since the second I found her.
Fighting through the hospital, the questions, the examinations, and everything else they put her through tonight.
By the time we made it home, she looked exhausted.
I tightened my arms around her and carried her inside.
She didn't need to do anything else tonight.
I had her. I took her straight to the bedroom.
"You want a bath?"
She shook her head.
"Shower."
"A’ight."
I carried her into the bathroom and sat her on the counter.
For a second, I just stood there looking at her.
Her face was swollen, and her eyes were red from crying.
Bruises were already starting to show on her skin, and every one of them made something ugly rise inside me.
I pushed that shit down. This wasn't about how angry I was. She needed me to take care of her.
I turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm before going back to her. I stopped in front of her and looked at her for a moment.
"You want me to help you?"
She nodded.
That almost broke me. I helped her out of her clothes as carefully as I could, trying not to touch her anywhere that looked like it hurt.
There was nothing sexual about seeing her naked.
All I saw were the bruises, the swelling, and the marks somebody had left on the woman I loved.
My chest hurt. I would've given anything to go back and find her sooner.
My jaw tightened before I could stop it and Kaior noticed.
"Don't."
I looked at her.
"Don't what?"
"Don't look at me like that."
That shit cut straight through me. I hadn't even realized what she saw on my face. I reached for her hand.
"Baby, I'm not looking at you different."
Her eyes filled with tears. "I know, but—"
"Nah." I stepped closer. "Look at me."
She did.
"None of this changes how I see you. Nothing that happened in that room changes who you are to me."