CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE #2
A tear rolled down her cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb.
"I'm angry because somebody hurt you, and I wasn't there to stop it. That's what you're seeing."
Her chin trembled. "I'm sorry."
"You ain't got shit to be sorry for."
I squeezed her hand gently.
"Not one fucking thing." She lowered her eyes, and I brought her hand to my chest. "I love you, Kaior."
She nodded. "I know."
"Then that's all you need to know tonight."
I held her hand and led her toward the shower.
"Come on, baby. I got you."
We stepped into the shower together. Kaior stood underneath the water while I stayed behind her. For a minute, neither one of us moved. Then she started crying. I stepped closer.
"Come here."
She turned and pressed her face against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her.
"I got you."
Her shoulders shook against me.
"I'm sorry, baby."
Kaior pulled back and looked up at me. "For what?"
"For not getting to you sooner. I should've—"
"No."
"But if I would've—"
"Jokah, no."
I stopped.
She looked at me through tear-filled eyes.
"You came."
That shit hit me hard. I wiped the tears from her face. "I'll always come for you."
She looked down, but I gently lifted her chin.
"You hear me? Always."
Her eyes filled with tears again.
"I'm sorry."
I frowned. "For what?"
"For not coming straight home. If I would've just went home instead of stopping at Target—"
"No."
"But Jokah—"
"No, baby." I shook my head. "Don't do that to yourself."
She looked down, but I gently lifted her chin.
"You stopping at a fucking store didn't cause this. You didn't do anything wrong."
"But if I would've—"
"Nah. We not doing the what-if shit. You should be able to stop wherever the fuck you want without worrying about somebody taking you."
A tear rolled down her cheek, and I wiped it away.
"None of this is on you. You hear me?"
She nodded.
"Say it."
"I don't have anything to apologize for."
"Again."
"I don't have anything to apologize for."
"That's right."
I kissed her forehead.
"None of this is on you."
She closed her eyes, and I gave her a minute before reaching for the washcloth.
"I'm gonna wash you, okay?"
"Okay."
I put soap on the cloth and started with her arms before moving to her shoulders and back. I kept every movement slow and told her whenever I needed her to move.
"Lift your arm for me."
She did.
"Turn a little, baby."
She turned, and I continued washing her.
I knew I couldn't wash away what happened to her.
If I could've, I would've stood under that water and washed away every second of it myself.
I just wanted her to feel cared for. Every bruise I touched made me want to leave that shower, grab my gun, and go looking for the one nigga who had gotten away.
But this wasn't about what I wanted. Kaior needed me here. So, I stayed.
When I finished washing the rest of her body, I stopped. "I need to clean between your legs."
She looked at me for a split second before her eyes dropped. I didn't touch her.
"Is it okay if I touch you there?"
She was quiet for a few seconds before nodding.
"Tell me, baby. I need to hear you say it."
"It's okay."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"A'ight."
I still didn't move right away. I gave her another second before bringing the washcloth closer.
"I'm gonna be gentle. If you want me to stop, tell me and I'm stopping. Okay?"
"Okay."
I cleaned her carefully, keeping every movement slow. When her body tensed up, I stopped immediately.
"You want me to stop?"
She took a deep breath.
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
I watched her before continuing. I wasn't assuming shit tonight. If she changed her mind, I was going to stop. If she needed a minute, we had all fucking night. Once I finished, I rinsed the washcloth and set it aside.
"All done."
Her shoulders relaxed slightly. I wrapped my arms around her and held her beneath the warm water. She rested her head against my chest. I kissed the top of her head.
"I got you, baby."
I didn't say anything else after that. I just held her until I felt some of the tension leave her body.
"You ready to get out?"
"Yeah."
I turned the water off and stepped out first before reaching back for her.
Once she was out, I wrapped a towel around her and lifted her into my arms. She didn't protest or tell me she could walk this time.
She just rested her head against my shoulder and let me carry her back into the bedroom.
I sat her on the edge of the bed and grabbed her oil from the dresser.
"You don't have to do all this."
"I know."
I rubbed oil between my hands before gently smoothing it over her arms and legs. Kaior watched me. I didn't say anything. Neither did she. When I finished, I slipped one of my T-shirts over her body and a pair of panties. Then I pulled the covers back.
"Come on."
She climbed into bed. I tucked the blanket around her and started to walk away when her hand caught mine.
"Where are you going?"
I looked down at her.
"Nowhere. Turning the lights off."
"Oh."
I turned them off and got into bed beside her.
For a few seconds, Kaior stayed on her side before moving closer. I opened my arms, and she came straight into them. I held her against my chest while her hand rested over my heart. I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes.
"You found me," she whispered.
"Shouldn't have had to."
"But you did."
I didn't respond.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw that room. I saw that nigga pulling his pants up and Kaior sitting on that mattress. I tightened my arms around her without realizing it.
"Too tight," she whispered.
I immediately loosened them.
"I’m sorry."
"It's okay."
We laid there quietly for a few minutes.
"Jokah?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't leave me tonight."
My chest tightened. "I ain't going nowhere."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
I pulled the blanket higher around her and kept one arm around her, careful not to hold her too tightly this time.
I wasn't going anywhere. Every few minutes, her body would tense and I'd rub my hand over her back until she relaxed again.
Eventually, she stopped moving. When I looked down, she was asleep. I kissed her forehead.
"You safe, baby."
As I laid there holding her, I couldn't stop thinking about the one motherfucker who hadn't been in that house, Reek. Two niggas were already dead. He was the only one left. I didn't know where he was or why the fuck they had taken Kaior, but I was going to find out.
First, I was going to find Reek. Then I was going to find out why they took my woman. And once I had my answer, I was going to kill him. There wasn't shit left to discuss.