Chapter 16
One Month Later
Things have changed drastically. Forever and Hanii were now living in Philadelphia with me.
Forever’s health was declining, and her days were up and down.
One day, she was doing good, and the next, she wasn’t good at all.
This shit was eating me alive. I’ve cancelled everything to be home with my wife.
I wasn’t doing any exhibits, and Zelly was handling everything regarding the streets.
I was actually coming away from the streets altogether and turning it over to Zelly and Rome.
I thought long and hard about not telling my wife about that side of my life but decided against it.
I wanted to be honest with her, so I told her, and to my surprise she didn’t judge me.
She made me promise to never bring the business around Butterfly.
Today was a good day. We were sitting in our bedroom watching television.
“Babe,” Forever called out. I could barely hear her because she was weak. It took a lot out of her just to talk.
“What’s up, beautiful?” I turned to look at her. “Did the lawyer handle the paperwork for Tahanii yet?” She asked.
“Yeah, it’s filed. Trust me, I’m not letting him near her.”
“I know you will take care of her. She loves you to death, and I know you love her. Just keep her safe. Jaz is her godmother, and she’ll be a constant in both of your lives. I know y’all got this. You got Kasia as well; those girls love you and Hanii,” she said to me.
“I know, babe. I got her, and I want you to rest. The nurse will be here in any minute to give you your medicine,” I told her.
I had round-the-clock care for my wife and even turned our bedroom into a luxurious hospital room suite.
It had everything a hospital room had. I even had her doctor coming in from New York twice a month to check on her.
I was not playing about my wife; her comfortability was my number one concern.
My phone beeped, and it was a text from my brother Logic.
I didn’t want shit to do with my parents because I took the DNA and Cedrick Blake was my father.
I couldn’t believe the shit, and my mom was trying to talk to explain it.
That’s why my brother I was texting me. He wanted me to allow my mom to come over here.
“Talk to her, baby. Maybe she had her reasons as to why she made the decisions that she did,” Forever whispered. She knew the internal battle I was having.
“Mommyyy,” Hanii came walking into the room. “Is your stomach still hurting, Mommy?” She asked her mom, climbing into bed with her.
“A little, Hanii bear.” She gave her a weak smile.
Forever still hadn’t talked to her, and I told her that we needed to do that and soon.
I watched them talk and smiled; my heart broke for the both of them.
I held my wife at night as she cried about leaving us behind.
I wasn’t ready for this shit; I needed that woman here with me and our daughter.
She doesn’t know it, but I sent her records to the doctor in Switzerland and he was reviewing them.
I wanted to cover everything because I wasn’t giving up on her.
I grabbed my phone and sent my brother a text.
Me: Bring her over.
Logic: Be there soon.
I left the girls to enjoy some time together and headed downstairs. Twenty minutes later, Logic and my mom were walking into the house, and the moment she laid eyes on me she was in tears.
“Legacy, I’m so sorry, baby. I had a brief relationship with Cedrick, and he made life hard.
He didn’t put his hands on me, but he was mentally abusive.
He wasn’t the best man, he tried to hold his power and money over me.
When I left him, I found out I was pregnant, and I refused to tell him.
I met Richard right before I gave birth, and we got married a year after I had you.
He signed your birth certificate and promised to take care of you as his son.
I make no excuses for what I did. I wanted the best for your life, and I just felt like Cedrick wouldn’t have been the best thing.
He did ask me if you were his, and I’m sorry but I lied to him and told him no. ” She cried.
“You could’ve told me. No matter what the situation was I still deserved to know. I was living a lie thinking Richard was my pops. No wonder he treats me the way he does. That man despises me!” I yelled, and she jumped.
“Bro, calm down.” Logic touched my arm.
“I’m sorry, baby. Please forgive me,” she said to me and I couldn’t think about this shit right now.
“It’s going to take time, Mom. You’re my mother, and I could never not love you.
I’m just pissed, and right now I can’t think about this situation.
I have a dying wife upstairs, and I need to take care of her.
My mind is on her and my daughter,” I told her, and by the way she was looking I assumed that Logic didn’t fill her in.
Because he knew everything. He was handling all of my dealings with Cedrick’s will.
Because I was his son, half of his estate goes to me.
I was part owner of the hotel I met my wife in. It’s crazy how life works.
“I’m so sorry to hear this. I won’t pry; when you’re ready to talk to me about it, you will.
Just know that I’m here for you and them.
” She smiled, wrapping her arms around me for a hug, and I released a breath.
I needed my mother, this has been a trying time and I needed her here with me.
Once they left, I decided to hang out with my family for the night.
I let Hanii choose dinner, and we had steaks.
I had to laugh because Butterfly didn’t play about her pizza and steaks.
Once we finished dinner, I helped Forever up to take her shower.
“I got it, baby. I’m feeling pretty good right now,” she said, and I let her do her thing. My wife was a fighter, and even though she was sick, she still tried to care for herself. My phone was ringing and I needed to take this call, so I had the nurse go into the bathroom to be with her.
“Hello,” I answered the call.
“Mr. Porter, this is Dr. Zyek. You told me to call you as soon as I review your wife’s file.”
My heart was beating so damn fast it felt like it was going to burst.
“Yes, sir.”
“Mr. Porter, I viewed every test that she’s had the past three years, and I’m sorry, but it seems the doctors did all that they could do.
With indolent leukemia, patients can sometimes appear healthy for long periods.
There may be good weeks or even good months where symptoms seem manageable.
Then suddenly the body declines rapidly.
That’s because the cancer is constantly affecting the blood, bone marrow, and immune system, even when things seem like it’s alright.
Trust me, I would tell you if they missed something and would have you bring her.
I’m sorry, sir,” he said, and I couldn’t hold it in.
I lost it. I ended the call with him and made my way down to the basement of my house because I didn’t want to alarm my wife and daughter.
I cried so fuckin’ hard, my eyes were blood red.
I felt like I was losing my mind. It took everything in me to go upstairs, but I did because I needed to hold my wife.
“You ready to do this?” I asked Forever and she shook her head no.
“Maybe we should wait—”
“Bae, we can’t keep putting this off. The longer we do that the harder it’s gon’ be. Let’s do this together. Right now.” I bent down and kissed her on the forehead.
After putting off a much-needed conversation for as long as we could, today was the day that we finally told Tahanii about her mother’s sickness.
Baby girl wasn’t stupid by far; she knew that her mother hadn’t been feeling well and had seen how she now occupied a completely different room other than our bedroom.
I had the entire room set up with everything that Forever could possibly need from an adjustable hospital bed to round-the-clock nurses to look after her.
Since she’d opted out of treatment all together, our only goal was to manage her pain.
Naturally, some days were better than others.
There were some mornings when Forever would be throwing up and in so much pain, she could barely talk.
Then others when she was just laughing and smiling nonstop.
It was crazy to me how someone living out their last days could still remain so damn positive. That shit was admirable.
As the days grew closer, I knew how important it was for Tahanii to know and understand what was going on versus her living in a false reality that her mother was going to get better.
So, even knowing how hard of a conversation it was going to be, I was ready to be that support for both of my ladies. Even if it was hard on me too.
“You ready?” I asked Forever.
She nodded. “Yes.”
I stepped out the room and walked down the hall to the living room where Hanii was laid out on the couch playing her Nintendo Switch. I had given the nurse the evening off so that the three of us could spend time together as a family.
“Butterfly, come talk with me and your mommy for a minute,” I told Tahanii.
“Right now?”
“Yes, pretty girl. Me and your mommy wanna talk to you.”
“Okay.” She set down her Switch, and I grabbed her hand and led the way back down the hall to Forever’s room.
Forever was wiping her eyes when we walked in, and I could immediately feel a shift in the atmosphere.
“Hey, mommy’s big girl.” Forever smiled. “Come sit up here with me.” She patted the empty spot next to her on the bed.
Carefully, Tahanii climbed up on the hospital bed and snuggled up next to her mother. I helped move the nasal cannula out the way so that Hanii wasn’t stopping the oxygen flow.
“Are you feeling any better today mommy?” Hanii asked, batting her long, thick lashes.
“Mommy isn’t going to get much better, baby.”
“Why? What do you mean?” I locked eyes with Forever as she silently asked for help and cut in.
“Do you know what cancer is, Tahanii?”
“I think so.” She nodded. “It’s when you get sick inside your body and the cells attack your immuno system.”
“Immune system,” Forever and I corrected her with a small laugh because damn, this girl was smarter than we thought.
“But yeah. Basically. So the doctors ran a bunch of tests and found out that your mommy has cancer. They’ve done everything that they could do to stop it, but it was just too strong.”
“Soooo, what now?” She blinked. “Why can’t they do something else to fix her?”
The room fell silent. I thought of how to answer that question but shit, I didn’t have an answer myself, so I left it up to Forever to respond.
“Because sometimes there isn’t anything else to do,” Forever said, tears cascading down her face. “Believe me when I tell you, I’ve tried everything baby. But now Mommy’s body is tired. And day by day, I’m getting weaker.”
“You look fine to me,” Hanii sniveled.
“That’s the thing. Some days I won’t look as sick as others. Some days I’ll feel good, but even then, I’m still really sick. Do you remember what happened to Mr. Shambles?” Hanii nodded. “And do you remember what we talked about after he was gone?”
“He went to heaven.”
“Exactly. That’s what’s going to happen to me. Now even though you won’t be able to see me face to face anymore, I’ll always be with you.”
“But how? If I can’t see you, how will you still be with me?”
“’Cause she’ll always be a part of you. She’s in your heart,” I added, sitting on the other side of Forever.
“Exactly. And I’ll be watching over you every day.”
“But—But I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want you to dieeeee.” Hanii sobbed, snuggling her face into her mother's chest.
My heart broke into a million pieces seeing her break down into her mother’s arms. I felt the exact same way too, so all I could do was wrap my arm around the both of them as I released a few tears of my own.
“Look at me, Hanii,” Forever said, and Hanii finally peered up at her.
“I will never leave you. Ever. I taught you to believe in God, so just remember, we will see each other again. One day, when you’re old, after your kids have grown up, and you leave this earth, we will be together again.
And you’ll get to tell me about everything that I missed.
That’s why I want you to make me a promise, can you do that? ”
Hanii nodded. “What is it?”
“I want you to promise me to always be true to yourself. Live your life to the absolute fullest. Never say that you can’t do something because you’re one of the smartest in the world, and you can do anything that you put your mind to.
I want you to make lots of mistakes too.
Not big or dangerous ones. But mistakes teach you lessons you learn from.
And most importantly—love. Love people intentionally.
Wholeheartedly. And sincerely. Never take them for granted. Okay? Can you promise me that?”
“Yes,” Hanii whimpered. “I promise, Mommy.”
“Okay. Now give me a biiiiig hug.”
I watched as Forever pulled Hanii into her arms for a hug as they cried.
It was at that moment, that I realized how much bigger this was.
Forever had been putting on such a brave face this whole time when she was literally leaving behind the only person in this world she had birthed.
She wouldn’t be here to see anymore birthdays, Christmas’, or graduations.
She would never meet her future grandchildren, son-in-law, or the woman Tahanii grew up to be.
The only thing she had were memories, and while that was a blessing, simultaneously, it was heartbreaking as hell.