Track 1 This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things #2
There was yellow tape where my fireplace was supposed to be, and a red smiley face button was staring at me from where my kitchen counters should’ve stood. There was also a charred “Welcome Home” sign next to the mailbox.
“About time you showed up!” My randomly selected roommate for the year, Greg, tapped my shoulder from behind. “I’ve been waiting on you for hours, man.”
“What happened to our house, Greg?”
“It looks like it burned down.”
“I can see that.” I crossed my arms. “What the hell happened?”
“You have to promise that you won’t get mad first.”
“No, you need to tell me what happened first.”
“I need the promise,” he said, smiling. “I’ve heard about what happens when you get angry. People tend to get their jaws broken.”
“What? You just made that shit up.”
“Is it true, though?”
I gave him a blank stare.
“Okay, okay.” He shrugged. “Well, while you were away, I threw a little housewarming party with a bonfire. When we ran out of alcohol, we took the party a few blocks down to a football player’s apartment, and I might’ve forgotten to put out all the embers before leaving.
At least I’m alive and well, right? I think that’s all that truly matters in this unfortunate situation. ”
I stared at him in utter disbelief. The main reason why I’d picked Greg to be my roommate was because he wasn’t my close friend. He was a fellow honors student who swore he just wanted a break from campus life like me, and he swore that he was responsible.
“I take it that our three-thousand-dollar security deposit is down the drain?” I asked.
“Hell yeah.” He laughed. “We’re never getting that shit back, and I don’t think we’re getting a reference.”
“So, are we supposed to live out of our cars while we make insurance payments for the damage?” I clenched my jaw.
“Not at all, my friend.”
“You and I are not friends.”
“We’re going to be.” He smiled. “The landlord was pretty chill when he found out about the fire. Well, he wasn't necessarily ‘happy’, and I think he called me a dumbass, but the insurance company is going to cover everything on his end.”
“Then where does that leave us?”
“Well, I asked him if he could let us rent the house next door, but he said hell no. So, I spent yesterday house-hunting and I found us a new place that’s ten times better than this.”
I refused to believe that. All of the best campus houses were already rented for the semester, and our house was a significant upgrade before he burned it down.
“Okay,” I said. “Show me where this new place is.”
I slid behind my wheel again and followed him down a winding road that was dotted with massive houses that overlooked the beach. Each one was four times the size of our burnt house, and each one looked as if it wasn’t meant for college students.
Is that a pool on the roof?
He pulled into the driveway at the last house on the block—a huge white beach house with light grey shutters, and I was hoping like hell that this place belonged to someone in his well-connected family.
“You have to see the inside of this thing!” Greg got out of his car and walked up to the wraparound porch. He opened the door, and I knew from the moment I stepped inside, that we’d never be able to afford this.
There’s no damn way.
“Four bedrooms, four bathrooms, and a hot tub out back.” He walked through the kitchen. “It comes furnished, too!”
“Does your dad own this place?”
“Ha! No. He would only let me stay in his beach house, if I agreed to go to his alma mater.” He opened the door to a guest room. “By the way, please don’t vote for him in the next mayoral election. I’m voting for his opponent.”
I wanted to laugh, but I was still pissed at him. “How much does this place cost?”
“The beach is right outside our back door, and the deck wraps all the way around the house,” he said. “Oh, and check this out.”
He picked up a remote and the shades in the living room moved up, revealing a beautiful ocean view. Seconds later, the fireplace in the living room came to life.
“How much does this place cost, Greg?”
“You’ve got to see the basement! There are two pool tables and a wet bar. And let’s not forget the temperature-controlled pool on the roof—Like, the roof!”
“Greg.” I blocked his way. “How much does this place cost?”
“Seven hundred and fifty a month.”
“Really? That’s it?”
“Well, it’s seven hundred and fifty per person if it’s just you and me.
Oh, and that doesn’t include any of the bills, which are like four hundred bucks easy, but it does include the view.
It goes to five hundred a month, if we get a third person.
It’ll be even less with four, but I know you didn’t really want to do four roommates for your senior year. ”
I barely wanted to do one roommate … “Please tell me that this is some big-ass joke.”
“It’s this or the Lobos Street condos, man. I mean, those Lobos places are only two hundred and fifty dollars per person, but availability is scarce, so we’d probably have to share a studio at this point.” He looked around. “You did say that you wanted to live somewhere super quiet.”
“What we had before was super quiet.”
“It didn’t have a hot tub, though.” He pressed the remote again, and the doors to the deck slid open, revealing a huge, steaming hot tub. “You can’t say I didn’t try …”
“I can say a lot of things to you at this moment, but something tells me it won’t matter.”
“It really won’t.” He smiled. “Mostly because I already signed the lease … Oh, and um. I also forged your name. You were out of town, and since homelessness wasn’t an appealing option, I had to make an executive decision for us both.”
What the fuck? “So, we’ll definitely need a roommate.
” I gritted my teeth and walked over to the refrigerator, shaking my head at the ‘I’m sooooo sorry, dude!
’ note he’d placed in front of a six pack of beer.
“Preferably one by the end of the week. That is, unless you’ve already covered the first month of rent? ”
“Yeah, right.” He laughed. “The new landlord took one last look at my last name and gave me the benefit of the doubt because of my dad. We have until the end of the week.”
“Have you listed an ad anywhere yet?”
“I’m ten steps ahead of you.” He smiled and showed me a copy of the latest student newspaper. “People have already emailed me about the space, and a few are coming by Thursday. Well, unless you want to ask your girlfriend.”
“Ex-girlfriend. Even if she weren’t, I’d rather live with a goddamn stranger.”
“Wait, ex?” He raised his eyebrow. “Weren’t you two just together last week?”
“We were before she cheated.” I opened a beer and chugged it. “Want to invite a few people over for drinks to help me forget about her?”
“Absolutely.” He smiled, pulling out his phone. “You know, if you want me to host another backyard bonfire, so I can show that I do know how to put one out—”
“No more bonfires while you’re living with me, Greg. Ever.”
“Yeah, that’s—” He cleared his throat. “That’s probably a good thing. For now, anyway. Sorry about your girl cheating on you, by the way. I’m sure you didn’t see that coming.”
“I really didn’t,” I said, thinking about how Rachel somehow saw it coming miles away (literally) in her smart-ass letter. “I’ll be right back.”
I headed outside to my car and opened my glove box. I pulled out Rachel’s port schedule and a blank sheet of paper.
I finally knew how I was going to respond to her latest letter.