Chapter 1 #2
"Then why don't they ask me out? I'm twenty-one and never had a boyfriend. I just lost my virginity this morning to the first guy that gave me a lick of attention." My head falls back as realization hits me. "And he was an asshole, and yet I just threw myself at him."
"You did not throw yourself at him." Charlotte says not harshly but enough to get my eyes on her. "He lied and played you. For two months, even I thought he was a good guy. You are not to blame for him being a dickhead and using you."
I chew my lip. "You know he practically admitted it was to get under Leon's skin?"
Charlie scowls. crossing her arms. "The first chance I get I'm ripping his dick off."
I huff a laugh and then say, "I know you haven't had sex yet, but you've done other things. I haven't got any and I don't want something as trivial as my experience to get in the way of a relationship."
If I ever get asked out again.
"You know how dating is these days; people sleep together before they've even formed a connection and I just... I don't know. I can't do that." I huff. I hate that I've let a guy's opinion of me make me insecure.
Especially Dain Chambers. What did I ever see in him?
We're silent for a second, both lost in our own thoughts before I see Charlotte sit up straighter. "I might have an idea."
I look to my best friend, raising a brow.
"What if you find someone who can help you?"
"I'm not following."
"Like a friends with benefits situation, and the benefits would be that he show you the ropes and tells you how to do things." She throws her arms up as if she's just come up with the best idea. "Who better to tell you how to please a guy than a guy?" She gives me a look, like duh.
I nod, seeing the appeal. "How the hell would I even find someone willing to tell me that, what would they want in return?"
Charlie shrugs and slumps, "you could ask Justin?"
I blink, shocked. "Justin? As in Justin who plays on my brothers hockey team, that Justin?"
Charlie nods, not seeing the issue. "He's a player, which means he won't want to settle down. And rumour has it he knows what he's doing, and he's slept with a lot of girls."
"If my brother found out he'd skin him alive."
"Then don't tell your brother."
"He'd find out, keeping a secret on this campus is like trying to trap the wind, impossible. And you know how protective Leon is...ever since dad left."
The reminder of my father stings like a fresh wound, even though it’d been almost six years since he’d run out on us. Cheated on my dying mum, lied to Leon and I and then just ran instead of facing the hurt he caused.
Dad taught me exactly what kind of promises men keep. I was the idiot who thought Dain was different.
Charlotte hums. "Your mum died, your dad vanished, and Leon didn't even get to grieve before he had to grow up. Of course he's protective. He went from turning eighteen to being the sole guardian of his sixteen year old sister. But if you keep it a secret-"
I nod, "But Justin?" The name doesn't appeal to me. Don't get me wrong, Justin's nice and funny and I'm sure he's attractive too but he's just not my type. Plus, I've known him since I was like eight. He's been best friend with Leon and Charlotte brother Asher since they were children.
Charlotte laughs. "A secret tryst might be good for your twenties, imagine the stories."
"Imagine the rumours." I reply, shaking my head. "Justin can't keep his mouth shut."
"Well, it doesn't have to be Justin." She says before looking down at her phone, "Shit." She pushes from the kitchen island, "I got to get to work."
I just stand there for a moment after she leaves, staring at the empty packet of marshmallows like looking at the ingredients will give me the answers to life's mysteries.
It doesn't. Obviously.
I sigh, rolling my eyes at myself and reach for our cups as I push from the island.
Friends with benefits.
God.
What is wrong with me?
Maybe Charlottes right. Maybe it's practical. Maybe this is what normal twenty-one-year-olds do.
Learn. Practice. Be chill about sex.
Maybe I'm the weird one for spiralling about it like it's a moral crisis.
A noise has my head whipping to the archway.
My entire body locks.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Leon.
My stomach drops so fast it's embarrassing.
How long has he been home?
Did he hear everything?
The part about Dain?
The part about losing my virginity?
The part about wanting someone to teach me?
I freeze, suds sliding down my wrist, heart ricocheting against my ribs so violently I'm convinced whoever's behind me can hear it.
If he heard-
God, he'll kill Dain.
And then he'll kill me.
And then he'll probably lock me in my room until I'm thirty.
Another noise, the front door opening, Leon's voice piercing my panic as if he just walked inside.
"You ready?"
My brows furrow, wondering who he's talking to, but I don't have to wonder long because when I turn to the entrance I see Asher with Leon.
He walks past the archway, doesn't look in. Doesn't even notice me.
I breathe a sigh of relief, practically slumping against the counter.