Chapter 31
Tip thirty-one; if it starts as a deal, don't be surprised when it stops feeling like one.
Ivy
I sit in my car, the heater blasting against the cold that seeps into every corner.
My hands tremble as they clutch my phone, Harlow’s words echoing like a cruel joke.
I open the browser, type in the site she mentioned, and pause at the login prompt.
My fingers hover over the keypad.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I enter 'Justin Leeds' as the password. The site loads, displaying a leaderboard filled with names and . . . points. A grotesque scorecard of sorts.
Justin's name and face are at the top of the list, his team photo used to identify him. I scroll down, brows drawn in when I see my brother's name and then, below it, Asher Hudson's.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a slight second before springing them open and moving to the drop-down menu for the list of submissions.
Asher's name pops up straight away, highlighted in bold from a story submitted a few months ago.
After one of the team parties.
I glance over the words, not really reading them but seeing the points added to his tally. Fifty.
There's another under it, and another, and another. Each story gaining him more and more points and then there, an entry submitted only a few days ago, a story about Asher scoring in the local library. Submitted anonymously.
My name isn't mentioned but the things we did. The things I let him do-
I choke on the breath I suck in, logging out of the site and locking my phone.
But you know what they say about curiosity. I log back in and go to the search bar, biting my lip hard until I taste blood as I type in my name.
And there it is. Ivy Collins, highlighted just like Asher's was.
I stare at the submission, the words blurring as I scrape over each morsel of information with my eyes until I reach the name at the end. Who submitted it.
Dain Chambers. One Hundred points . . . for taking my virginity.
So that's how everyone found out. My whole dignity splashed out on a fucking website for everyone to gawk at.
I didn't think he knew. I never told him that was my first time. I just wanted it gone and he seemed nice.
I scoff loudly. You're great at making decisions Ivy.
I wipe the tear that slips from my eye and look up, seeing people begin to leave the arena, packing themselves away in their car and driving off while I stay right here.
Harlow walks past my car, her arm entwined around Dains' elbow and for a second, they look my way. Their lips turn down in a mockery of a frown. I sink further down in my seat.
I look back at my phone, fingertips white from the harsh grip I hold it with and look at the other entries.
My stomach drops as I scroll.
Of course there’s a site like this.
Of course, men keep score.
I should have known better.
Most of the entries are anonymous, but every now and then I catch the persons name who submitted it.
Tears blur my vision as the reality of it all hits me.
Was it all a lie? Did any of it mean anything? Or was every secret kiss, smile and action another tally mark to boost his stupid male pride. I thought Asher was different then Dain.
It was all a lie.
I throw my phone onto the passenger seat, burying my face in my hands.
All of Asher's and my trysts might not be on there yet but I doubt it'll take long for him to add them. Climb his way up the leaderboard just like he climbed his way into my bed, my thoughts, my fucking heart.
The stupid organ aches, the pain clawing its way up my throat.
After a few moments, I gather enough composure to drive home, the weight of betrayal heavy in my chest.
Once in the driveway, I sit silently, summoning the courage to confront Asher. I need to hear it from him, need to understand if anything between us was real.
Or if it was all just some fucking game to him, some challenge he set himself.
I sit in the driveway for only ten minutes before cars start pulling up, music pumping and I scowl. I guess the team won, and Leon is a throwing a party.
Just then my phone dings with a message from Leon, telling me exactly that and apologizing for the late notice. Saying he's finishing up with the team at the rink and then they'll be over.
I don't bother replying to the message, restarting my car and backing out of the driveway before I get blocked in, starting the drive to Asher's house before I detour and drive back to the arena.
The team will still be there, Leon said as much.
I sit in my car and watch as some of the team start leaving. I know for a fact that Asher will stay back and clean up, he always does as team captain.
I watch my brother walk out, Justin beside him but I'm too busy watching the door to really take notice of them and then finally I see Coach leave.
I slip from my car and shut the door, walking back into the building and towards the locker room.
The door is heavy when I push on it and it slams behind me as I enter. Asher's head whips over his shoulder, hair wet from the shower and only a pair of dark blue jeans on.
He holds a grey shirt in his hands but drops it as he notices me. I walk towards him but stop near the lockers opposite him.
"Ivy?" He steps forward, "What are you doing here?" He looks me up and down, tilting his head at me curiously. "Not that I don't think we need to talk, or that I don't want you here." He says quickly. "But-"
"You lied to me." It's the first words I can get out, and I stare past his head to say them, focusing on a mark on the far wall.
He takes a step forward, but I shake my head and he stops, "Ivy?" His hands fist at his side. "What did I lie about?"
What didn't he lie about?
"I know about the game. The points game the hockey team is playing. You're in the top ten, Asher. Were you just trying to get points with me?" The words feel heavy, laden with betrayal.
His face changes from confused to shocked, and then to angry - not at me, but at the situation. "Ivy, I swear to you-"
"Swear what, Asher?" I shake my head. "That's it's not true, I've seen the site. Tell me you didn't know about it, lie to me again and tell me you knew nothing about it."
His face is a mask, not one emotion flitting through his eyes. "I knew about it. Everyone knows about it."
Evidently not everyone.
"So, what was I?" I laugh once, hollow. "Easy points? A way to climb up the ranks, because Ivy Collins is an easy lay even if she is lousy. That's what Dain wrote, isn't it?"
"Did he tell you about it, Ivy? The dickheads trying to start trouble, he's trying to get between us."
"Get between us?" I laugh shortly, eyes blurring. "Get between what, Asher, there is no us."
"Ivy, I swear I am not using you to win a stupid fucking game."
"Then you're using me to get better grades." I roll my eyes. "Oh, wait, that's a lie too, isn't it?"
His shoulders drop and he looks away, finally letting the guilt shine through.
"Any other lies to tell me?"
His head whips back to me, jaw clenched.
"I lied about my grades, about needing help but I didn't lie about anything else."
"So, you don't participate in the ranking game?"
He looks angry, "No, I don't. I've never submitted anything. I haven't checked that stupid site in years. I don't care about some ranking on an immature site where half the entries are false and made up. Half the team don't even check it. We've been trying to get it taken down for years."
"Then why are you number seven? Why is there an entry from a few days ago, about us? From the library?"
"What?" He takes a few steps forward, looking scared for a second. "I did not tell anyone Ivy, I didn't submit any stories, I never have."
"Then how are you number seven on that list?" I ask again, wanting - no, needing an answer.
"Because people lie." He shakes his head, dark hair falling into his eyes. "There are many entries on that site that never happened, how the hell do you think I've gotten my moniker as a player?"
I don't reply and Asher takes another step closer. "When have you ever heard me talking about a girl? Let alone bringing one home on the many, many nights you slept over in Charlottes room? Parties, I've always gone alone or with the team or Leon. I leave them the same way."
"You dated Harlow." I say weakly.
"Years ago. Dating is different to being labelled a player.
" He shakes his head, "People submit entries when they're bored, half the entries are fake and made up by the team to up their ranking, the other half are made by desperate girls who want more popularity, it's just a stupid game between the rival teams. Another way to shove a winning streak down Dain and his teams' throats, just like they do to us.
Everyone knows half the stories are fake, but nobody cares.
Even Leon has entries detailing girls coming and going to his house - your house almost daily like it has a revolving door, but you haven't seen them, have you? Cause they're fake."
His words make sense, and I want to believe them but there is so much more to this, so much he still lied about.
All I know is that this heartache is as cold as the ice Asher plays on. I don't know if I have the strength to melt it right now.
My resolve drops and I fold my arms loosely around my waist. "Why did you lie about needing help with tutoring? Why did you lie to me?"
That age old pain resurfaces, the pain from the way my father painted a smile on his face every time he lied to Leon and me about where he was going when he left us at home with our sick mother.
How the smile finally dropped when she died, and he left us to be with the woman he'd been seeing behind his wife's back, to go be a father to her children instead of the father to the children who actually shared his blood.
"Why did you lie to me?" I repeat when he doesn't answer.
He studies me for a moment. "Why do you think I lied?"
I'm taken back by the question, not expecting him to ask me one and I shake my head. A scoffed laugh escapes me, and I glare up at him. "Was it all just some ploy to get in my pants?"