Chapter 31 #2
He huffs, a short laugh escaping him. "You've got to be kidding me." Anger crosses his features, followed by hurt, "You really believe that? You can't tell me you haven't noticed?"
"Noticed what?"
His eyes settle on mine, pupils moving from one to the other as if he's searching my eyes for the words inside my head and he looks down with a shake of his head.
"Noticed what, Asher?"
Finally, he looks crestfallen, like I've just broken his heart, "I'm sick of pretending, Ivy."
I blink at the sudden change in direction, watching as he steps forward, almost crowding me further into the lockers.
"I'm sick of pretending like I'm not completely and entirely in love with every part of you."
I step back in shock, my spine flat against the locker, the cool touch of metal doing nothing to calm my heart or my racing thoughts.
He stops feet from me, yet it feels like he's closer, practically touching me, the heat from his body suffocating. "Is it not obvious how infatuated I am with you, Ivy?" He tilts his head, as if he is just now understanding how oblivious I am. "Why would I lie about my grades?"
"Asher-"
"I wanted to spend time with you, Ivy. I wanted to spend time with the girl who I've been in love with for years, but she's never even looked twice at me."
"That's not true." I interject, cringing.
"Isn't it?" His lips lift but the smile is strained, fake. "Tell me? When did you ever see me as more than your brothers friend or - Charlotte's brother?"
"I-"
"You didn't." He answers for me, "You didn't see me. But now you do, because I found a way for you to look. So yeah, I lied," He shakes his head. "I don't regret it and I'm not sorry."
"You-" I start but no words come, my brain muddled.
"So, what's it going to be, Ivy? Are you going to stop pretending too or am I going to have to make up more reasons for you to spend time with me?"
"I'm not pretending." I mumble.
"So, you're going to tell me that you didn't fall for me these last few weeks, that your heart didn't miss a beat every time I walked into the room, that I haven't taken up any space in your mind?"
"Was that your plan?" I say instead of answering.
He shrugs, "I hoped." He says the words so quietly, his voice almost cracking on the 'h' and he steps forward, his arms out like he wants to pull me into his arms, but they drop before he touches me. "It's your choice, Ivy."
He steps back and begins to walk back to his open locker, grabbing the discarded shirt as he does and pulling it over his head. "I may not be pretending anymore but that doesn't mean I'm going to wait around for a girl who doesn't want me, on the off chance that one day she might."
He looks between my eyes like he's searching for the words I can't say.
"I-" I shake my head, "Maybe this was all a mistake."
"A mistake?" He closes his eyes on a rough exhale. "Yeah, yeah Ivy, maybe it was." He wraps a hand around his duffle and pulls it over his shoulder, turning his back on me and moving for the back exit.
"You can't say that stuff!" My voice cracks on the words and Asher pauses, spinning on his heel to stare back at me.
"Say what?"
"Say that you love me!" I shake my head.
"You can't say you love me and then walk away!
You can't say you love me and then choose to stop everything without telling me like you did in the library!
You can't love me and also tell me that we have to stop!
You can't love me but then tell me I can't fall for you, that I can't love you! "
"I didn't."
"You did." I wave a hand his way. "When we made this stupid deal, you said I couldn't fall in love with you, that was your only requirement. In the library, I asked - you walked away."
"I never said I wanted to."
I think back to that moment, shaking my head. "You-" I cut off.
"I wasn't going to force you to love me, Ivy. When you said you wanted to call off the deal, I knew then. I knew you didn't." He starts for the back exit again.
"You don't know anything." I say quietly.
Asher stops his movements but doesn't turn to look at me. "Are you going to tell me that you do love me, Ivy?"
He turns when I don't reply straight away, his steps swallowing up the distance between us swiftly.
He stops only centimetres from me, the emotion painted across his face sinking into his blue eyes, swirling and swirling, sucking me in.
There's a freckle in his eye that I never noticed before, prominently displayed in the wash of blue and grey waves and I blink, seeing my reflection staring back at me from them.
"Do you love me?" He says the words slowly, precisely. "Because I have been in love with you from the moment I met you, and I'm so fucking pissed at you for sleeping with Dain fucking Chambers when I've been right here, the whole time. I've been in front of you the whole time-"
"Yes." I breathe out, feeling weightless.
He takes in a shaky breath before releasing it. "You love me?"
"I do."
"You love me?" He says again, a smile starting to lift his lips.
I nod.
"You love me?"
"Yes, Asher."
His hands delve into my hair, pulling my face up to meet his as his lips land on mine, pillowy soft and full of promises and pleas. "You love me?" He whispers against my lips, "I want to hear you say the words."
"I love you." My breath is taken from me, my back slamming against the locker with a resounding bang as Asher's hands tighten in my hair, fingers digging into my scalp like I'm a figment of his imagination and I won't disappear if he just holds on tight enough.
My hands move to his wrists, wrapping around them as he holds me like I'm his.
"I love you too." He says roughly, not letting me say anything as he dips his tongue into my mouth, swallowing every word and feeling I want to say.
I gasp into his mouth, a soft moan slipping past my lips as his hands move, dragging down my arms to my back, scooping under my ass and lifting.
My legs wrap around his waist, feeling the evidence of his arousal. He pushes me further into the lockers, trapping me in his embrace and I kiss him back with just as much fervour.
He pulls back, his head resting on mine as we breathe, existing together for just a moment.
I open my mouth, wanting to say something, anything -
"Are you kidding me?" The words are like an ice bath over the moment, drenching us entirely as both our heads whip to the open locker room door, to the person standing on the threshold.
Asher drops his hold on me, and my feet meet the ground again even as it feels like my whole world has just been ripped right out from under me with the emotions displayed across Charlottes face.
She stands in the doorway. She doesn't look angry, she looks . . . drained.
Her eyes move from Asher to me, then back again.
"How long?" she asks.
My throat closes instantly. I expect her to be angry, to yell at me but she doesn't. She stands there, her face somewhere between blank and broken. Her mouth is twisted, dark hair stark against her pale face.
Asher steps slightly in front of me, protective without thinking. "Charlotte-"
"I'm not talking to you." Her voice isn't loud. It doesn't need to be.
Her gaze settles on me.
"How long, Ivy?"
I swallow. My mouth is dry. "Two months."
She nods once.
"I saw you," she says quietly. "At the rink. Weeks ago."
My stomach drops. The memory of that night flashes through my mind. The night Asher got back from his away game. The night we were almost caught at the rink.
"I didn't say anything," she continues. Her fingers curl slightly at her sides before one hand drifts up, pressing briefly to her stomach like she's steadying herself. She lowers it again.
"I told myself I'd ask about it when things settled down."
Silence hangs heavy between us.
"They just... never did."
Her voice wavers, just slightly.
"I couldn't handle another thing."
The words don't sound accusing.
They sound exhausted.
"Charlie," I whisper, stepping forward. "I didn't mean to-"
"You had weeks," she says softly. "Weeks."
"I didn't know how to tell you."
She lets out a small breath that almost sounds like a laugh.
"You didn't trust me enough to try. I even asked you-"
"That's not fair," I say quickly. "I was scared. I didn't want to hurt you."
"You don't get to decide what hurts me," she replies.
The words aren't sharp. They're simple and that's almost makes it worse.
"I would've been okay," she says. Her eyes are glossy now, but she refuses to let the tears fall. "If you'd come to me. If you'd told me."
Asher shifts beside me. "Lottie, we didn't plan-"
"Stop." She doesn't look at him. "Please. Just stop."
"The worst part is," she adds quietly, "I needed you. I was going to-" she stops, eyes flicking to Asher. "I would've come to you. If it was the other way around."
My breath catches. "Charlotte, I swear. We didn't mean for this-"
"It doesn't matter what you meant. I thought you were my friend first?" She reaches back blindly for the door and slips back out.
"I am."
"Friends don't lie to each other."
"Charlotte?"
She steps back towards the door.
"Charlie-" Asher starts but she shakes her head.
She slips out the door, the click of it echoing behind her feeling way too final.
I sag back into Asher's arms, an ache settling in my chest and moving up my throat, my own tears spilling down my cheeks.
"Asher?"
"We'll figure it out, just give her time."
"She hates me."
"She's just upset."
"We've never fought."
He brushes his thumb across my cheek.
"Then this won't break you."
I want to believe him.
I'm not sure I do.