CHAPTER 72
Finn
I return to the house after a fifteen-mile run over the meadow, up the mountain, and back. I’m drenched in sweat, and I take a long drink from the hose at the front of the house. I tried to run out my frustration, but it’s no use.
I’m about to go out for another run when Aunt Phyllis comes up to the porch.
“Hey there, Aunt Phyllis.”
She takes two steps toward me, rears back her hand, and hits me upside my head.
I stand very still, staring at her. “What the hell?”
“Did I hurt you?”
“It takes a lot more than that to hurt me, but it was sort of a—”
She hits me again, this time a lot harder.
I touch my head. “That’s going to leave a mark.”
“Go inside, boy. I have something to say to you.”
“Aunt Phyliss, you’re scaring me.”
She turns me around and pushes me toward the door. “Good. That’s a start.”
Once we’re inside, she orders me to take a seat in the living room’s leather armchair. I’ve never seen her like this. With my father? Okay, sure. But never with me or my brothers.
“What’s going on? I need to take a shower.”
“You need a lot more than a shower, Finlay.”
“Are you going to knock me upside my head again?”
She sighs and plops down on the ottoman, quite close to me. She examines my face. “If I thought it would knock some sense into you, I would. But you’re the only person who can do that.”
I put my hands up in surrender. “You want me to smack myself?”
“Emma is perfect.”
That’s all she says. Nothing like getting right to the point, though it isn’t exactly a surprise.
“Yes, she is. I’m crazy about her, but she won’t talk to me.
I went to the school today to tell everyone how important she is to me, to all of us, but I think it just made her angrier than she already was. I’ve really messed this up.”
Phyllis raises her face toward the ceiling and mumbles, “Lord, give me the strength.” Then she glares at me. “That precious, loving, and generous woman crying her eyes out in my house right now is your second chance. Your chance for happiness. For a family with Jasmine.”
“She’s not Jasmine’s mother.” I put my hands on the chair arms and try to stand. Phyllis shoves me back down.
“Unfortunately, that child’s mama died before Jasmine even drew breath into her lungs. But now she has a second chance too.”
“Maybe I don’t deserve a second chance.”
“You are the worst liar of the bunch, Finlay MacLaine.”
“I don’t know about—”
“Cal doesn’t lie, so he’s never had to develop the skill.
Evander is an attorney, and, well, enough said.
Declan is like your father—he exaggerates so much and so often that nobody knows what the hell is true anymore with him.
And Kevin? Now that’s an interesting one.
I believe he knows how to lie and did a fair bit of it when he was young, but these days, I think he chooses just to keep his mouth shut instead of speak an untruth. ”
“That’s very insightful.”
“I didn’t come here to share my insight with you. I came here to call you on your bullshit. And I’m telling you—you are lying to yourself.”
I fall back against the chair, and Phyllis leans into me.
“The minute pretty Emma arrived on this ranch, your heart was twisted up in knots. I am not blind, and the people on this ranch aren’t blind, either.
We all see it. You look at her like she’s a medium-rare porterhouse.
Half the time I’m tempted to just shove a napkin and a steak knife in your hand and herd everyone out of the room. ”
I can’t help it. I laugh. It sounds strange to my own ears, and I realize that I haven’t had anything to laugh about since Emma walked away from me.
I push myself up, and this time, Phyllis lets me stand. I begin to pace the living room, the horror rising up from my chest into my throat. “Jasmine is dyslexic. Did you hear?”
“Declan told me just a bit ago.”
I slap my palm against my chest. “I missed it! I’m her father, and didn’t even notice. I dropped the ball, Phyllis!”
She stands up and comes nearer. I continue my back-and-forth. “My priority has always been Jasmine. I can’t fail her. I will not fail my little girl! It’s the only thing that matters! She is the only… she’s the only…”
Phyllis takes my hand, forcing me to stop pacing. “I know what it’s like to lose someone. Two husbands. A child. I know what it’s like. Your father’s been there too.”
“This isn’t about Amy anymore.” Fucking hell. I shove my fingers into my hair, stare down at my dusty running shoes.
“You’re right. This isn’t about Amy anymore, because I think you’ve come a long way towards letting her go, and that’s healthy. What’s got you ripped up right now is Emma. Look at me, Finn.”
I don’t.
“You think Emma won’t help you make Jasmine the priority? She loves that little girl and that little girl loves her. Look at me while I’m speaking to you.”
I raise my head and our eyes lock. I take strength from the love I see there, the love I’ve always seen there. And I straighten.
“Dear boy, we all missed it with Jasmine. I regularly help Jasmine with her homework, and I missed it. Your father missed it, and they read books together all the time. Summer, your brothers—everyone missed it, and that’s because your determined, clever little girl didn’t want us to know.”
“You’re right.”
“As for failing her, that’s impossible. You have spent every second of that girl’s life loving her. She’s been raised in a sea of love. So shut up about failing. It takes a lot to raise a child to adulthood. I know too well how hard that is.”
She’s talking about her own daughter, the one who ran away before Phyllis married my uncle. I don’t even remember her daughter’s name. Phyllis has always refused to talk about her. Maybe because it hurts too much.
“I’m sorry you went through that, Aunt Phyllis.”
“Don’t be sorry for me—start living for you.”
I nod.
“You have a right to be happy. Emma has a right to be happy. And not only does Jasmine have a right to be happy, she has a right to see her daddy happy! Let that sink in for a minute.”
Phyllis reaches up high, and I get ready for another smack. But she only tousles my hair. “Now, I need to run. I promised a perfect girl some hot cocoa and brandy and I stand by my promises.”
I walk her to the door and watch her go. Once she reaches the bottom of the stairs, she wheels around and wags her finger at me. “Do not fuck this up, Finn. Fix it.”
My eyes widen. I’ve never heard her say that word. In fact, she’s always telling everyone else not to use that word.
“I know you boys, and if you want something, you find a way to get it. So get to it.”
Just as soon as Aunt Phyllis leaves, Jasmine comes in with Summer. “I’m going on a sleepover at Summer’s!” She runs up to her room.
Summer puts her hands on her hips and looks up the stairs to make sure Jasmine’s out of earshot. Summer’s not in a good mood. No one’s in a good mood around here.
“I’m taking her the whole weekend. I’m giving you a chance to get your head out of your ass and repair the situation with certain people we both know.”
“Thank you.”
“You got forty-eight hours, but you can have more, if you want. Just let me know.”
Jasmine runs downstairs and shoves a book in my hands. “Look what Emma left for me! I bet she already knows lots of things to help me read. She always tells me I’m really smart!”
I kiss her goodbye and thank Summer for taking her.
I watch my daughter skip her way to Summer’s truck, and I’m so grateful that Jasmine has so many people who love her.
But Phyllis was right—as she always is. Jasmine wants and needs a mother.
My daughter loves Emma and Emma loves her.
Having a mother will make Jasmine even happier than she already is.
I want Jasmine to be happy.
I want to be happy.
I want Emma to be happy.
I want Emma.
I open the book that she gave Jasmine and see that she’s drawn pictures next to some of the words, helping Jasmine to make connections between letters and sounds. It’s something I wouldn’t even have thought to do.