CHAPTER 47
Gage
Helena and Becky had left for the airport after lunch.
Gage hadn’t spent much time with either of them, but Carrie had gotten to know Becky, so they’d hugged goodbye, and Gage had stood at Carrie’s side very much like the doting girlfriend supporting her girlfriend saying goodbye to a friend, which wasn’t something she’d ever done before.
She’d liked it, her hand on the small of Carrie’s back while they all talked about Helena and Becky’s plans.
Then, Carrie had taken her hand after hugs were exchanged and she’d wished them well.
Helena and Becky had looked happy, and it had been clear that they’d planned on staying together after this week, which they’d cut short for themselves.
Had Carrie lived anywhere close enough, Gage would’ve suggested they leave, too.
The event had served its purpose for her: she had met someone.
Nia’s rules could grate at times because they limited what she could do, and Gage was an adult who didn’t like being told what to do.
She’d lost her parents young and had been forced to grow up and take care of herself before most people.
On top of that, she was the boss at work and was the one who gave the orders.
Having someone else dictate what she could talk about or what she could do and when was an adjustment, and not one she wanted to last for much longer.
Then, there was Carrie and the fact that they hadn’t yet talked about how to make this work beyond the week here, so she would stay until the last possible minute to have each of those minutes be with her and to give them time to do just that.
“This afternoon, we have what I think is a pretty fun activity, but it does require everyone to behave themselves,” Nia said as they all sat around the great room.
“Behave? Haven’t we all been behaving?” Kristina asked.
“It involves your phones. I’m going to ask that you take ten minutes to check them for anything you might need and then close out of all those apps before we begin. You’ll also need the headphones I told you to bring. Grab those things and come on back here.”
Gage stood and followed Carrie, as well as the others, to where they had stowed their phones.
She picked up hers, and the rest did the same.
Her headphones were still in her backpack, so she retrieved them and headed out to the great room, where she sat back down next to Carrie on one of the large chairs, choosing to be as close to her as possible because she could now and because soon, this week would be over, and she wouldn’t have that option.
Once everyone was back, Nia flipped the blank sheet of flip chart paper up to reveal instructions on a page beneath it because, of course, there were instructions.
“Today, we’re going to listen to music together.
” Nia nodded as if that explained something.
“Music is an important part of our lives. Think of the best movie you’ve ever seen.
If it didn’t have a soundtrack, would it have landed the same way for you?
Think of an important emotional memory. It’s likely you heard a song later that hit you so hard and brought that memory back into your mind.
Maybe the song was playing while the event was happening.
This afternoon, you’ll share your three favorite songs with your partner.
You’ll share the headphones so that you can both listen at the same time, and while you listen, I’d like you to either be silent because your partner hasn’t heard the song before and needs to listen to it first, or if they’re familiar with it, I’d like you to answer these questions for them.
” Nia pointed to the flip chart that had questions written on it.
“What does the song remind you of? Which feelings come up while listening to it now? When do you usually listen to it? Describe your mood when you do. What is important about this song that you want your partner to know? You can discuss each song for as long as you like, and if you have a top-five song list instead, feel free to keep going. After that, you’ll change roles, and your partner will do the same with their top three songs.
Really try to open up to your partners with this exercise.
Be completely honest, even if there’s pain in your memories.
It’s a way for us to practice listening, sharing, empathy, communication, and so much more, using music as a vehicle to do it.
Now, normally, we’re doing our afternoon activity with the whole group in one way or another, but today, I’d like you to find a quiet space, or a space where you would feel comfortable, and go there with your partner.
The only thing I’m going to insist upon, outside of only using your phones to play the music, is that you do not have sex or fool around in any way.
This is still our daily group activity, so please follow the rules.
Since you’ll be leaving this room, you can take a picture of the questions on the easel here and pull that up as you need. Everyone understand? Any questions?”
“Can we take snacks and stuff and go outside?” Gage asked.
“Of course,” Nia replied. “And since I think we’re pretty much already paired off here, with everyone sitting next to their partners from last night, I think we’re good to go. I’ll be around but trying to give you privacy as well, so let me know if you need anything.”
Gage turned to Carrie and asked, “Want to go to our spot?”
“It’s daytime,” Carrie replied.
“So? We can’t listen to music in the daytime?”
“Oh,” Carrie said and shook her head. “You mean to actually do the activity?”
“Yes.” She laughed. “You thought I was going to disobey Nia again and risk getting kicked out? No way.”
Carrie leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
“Oh, you little rule breaker,” Gage teased.
“It’s a cheek kiss.”
“I’m sure it’s foreplay for someone and could violate the fooling around rule.”
“Shut up and take a picture.” Carrie laughed and stood up. “I’ll get us some drinks and snacks.”
“I’ll grab the blanket.”
When they got back together in the great room, Carrie had the snacks and bottles of water in her hands.
Gage had brought her backpack, so they stuffed those items in and left the house just as Kristina and Jennifer went out to the backyard and Debra and Sharon went down the hallway, likely to a bedroom.
“Sharon and Debra, huh?” she said as they walked down the sidewalk.
“What do you mean?” Carrie asked.
“Odd couple, I guess.”
“Why?”
“They’re really far apart in age.”
“So?”
“I don’t care or anything. I just didn’t see them pairing off.”
“Did you see yourself pairing off with Sharon?”
“Oh, God.” Gage laughed and replied, “No. Can I just say something and you not make a whole big thing?”
“I have no idea,” Carrie replied with a laugh of her own.
Gage stopped them and said, “Sharon is good in bed.”
Carrie didn’t say anything.
“You okay there?”
“Processing. I am processing what you just said to me.”
“I want you to understand something, okay?”
“Okay…”
“Sharon was good in bed, yes. She needed something. I wanted to give it. It worked. It worked for one night. She’s nice, and I like her as a person, but we don’t even remotely want the same things.”
“But she’s great in bed?”
“I said she was good in bed,” she corrected.
“Carrie, you are great in bed. You are amazing. This might sound bad, but Sharon was like the warm-up I needed. Then, I needed Jennifer to leave me hanging and for Nia to tell me off because I had to realize that she was right. Babe, I had the best sex of my life with you last night and again just a couple of hours ago.”
“You don’t have to say that, Gage.”
“I’m not just saying it. Carrie, I’ve never made love before.
I can’t say that anymore, can I? We made love last night.
It was fucking amazing, and I want to do that again with you over and over and over again.
I came on your leg,” she said with a little laugh.
“I told you, I have never done that before, either. So, when I tell you that Sharon was good in bed, it’s to say that that’s all she was to me.
She was a one-night stand; the last one I hope to have because even if you and I don’t work out, I don’t think I want that anymore. ”
“One-night stands?”
“Yeah. I want real.” She shrugged a shoulder.
“Meeting you made me realize that even if you and I…” She looked away from Carrie.
“Well, we just met, so we don’t know what’s going to happen in the future.
I guess we never do, but I want real, Carrie.
Sex with Sharon isn’t real. It was just sex.
And now that I know the difference, I don’t want that. ”
Carrie smiled at her and said, “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I get what you’re saying. I’ll control my jealousy.”
“You don’t have to. I like it, remember? I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with it myself.”
“You do know I’ve been with guys, right?”
“Yes.”
Carrie started walking and added, “And that one of the guys I’ve been with is also one of my best friends?”
“What? No.”
“I have two best friends. One is Bradley, which is actually their last name. The other is Christian.”
“And Christian is…”
“My ex-boyfriend, yes. We dated for two years.”
“How long ago?”
“We broke up when I realized I was gay and told him.”
“So recently, then?”
“He’ll be my last boyfriend.”
“I see. He’s your friend now?”
“He was my friend first. We’ve been friends for a while. Then, one night, we had a few too many drinks, and we slept together. We decided to try dating after that.”
“I see. Controlling my jealousy,” she said and sucked air through her gritted teeth.
Carrie laughed and asked, “Do you want to know this?”
“Yes, I do. It’s just hard, thinking of someone else being with you.”
“Same for me with you,” Carrie replied. “The sex dried up with him very quickly.”
“Oh, that makes it better,” she joked.
Carrie laughed again and said, “One night, we were lying in bed. He wanted to have sex, and I just didn’t.
It was weird because he rarely even asked for it, and when he did, I usually gave in, but that night, I said that I wasn’t in the mood, and I started to wonder why I was never in the mood to have sex with my boyfriend, whom I did love.
Bradley had just met their girlfriend, and I was watching them fall in love, and I knew that I loved Christian but that I wasn’t actually in love with him.
It took me a minute, but I told him that I thought we’d be better as friends.
He was hurt, but he handled it so well, and when he asked why, I told him that I thought I might be gay.
We took some time apart after that to deal with it, and then, he texted me one day that he still wanted to be friends.
It was awkward at first, but he’s one of my very best friends in the world now.
He has since met his girlfriend, whom he’s probably going to ask to marry him soon.
They’re perfect for each other, and well, you know that I’m totally and completely gay and not at all interested in sex with men, so there’s no risk or need to be jealous. ”
“Plus, you’re really into me, right?” Gage asked.
“I’m so into you, I might even consider letting you break a rule while we do this thing and make out with you.”
“Oh, I’d love to make out with you,” Gage said. “But I would also really like to hear your three songs and talk to you about them.”
“A Place in This World.”
“What?”
“When I got home after ending things with Christian, I put Spotify on some random playlist. I didn’t even pay attention. I just tapped the screen, put my phone on my chest when I lay down in bed, and the first song that came up was A Place in This World by Taylor Swift.”
“I don’t think I’ve heard that one.”
“Let’s go lie down on the blanket. I’ll play it for you.
It’s a song about self-discovery, and I play it whenever I’m lost or worried that I might be making a wrong decision or something.
It weirdly gives me confidence to find myself again or to make the right one.
It reminds me that self-discovery isn’t a one-time deal.
It happens over and over again our entire lives. ”
“I like that,” Gage replied. “Let’s go listen to it. Then, I will play you my mom and dad’s favorite song. We played it at their funeral.”
Carrie cupped her cheek and said, “I’d love to listen to that with you.”
Then, Carrie leaned in and kissed her.