Chapter 17
Oddly enough, the last time I found myself on this winding dirt road leading up to the Grimwood’s farm was so long ago.
It truly felt like a lifetime ago, a different parallel.
The last time I was here was after I had received Jaxon’s letter from Norway.
A letter that put me in a position to make a haste decision—the wrong one, that led me exactly to where I am now.
The roads were leading me down a path to memory lane. A tsunami of a memory I got swept in.
Six years ago-
I received a letter from Jax a week ago.
I had already made my decision and told Vadon I’d be willing to move with him to Cravyn City.
A fresh start, a new life. It all felt so right.
Staying in Grimstone became a shadow of Jaxon.
Every corner, every place reminding me of him, reminding me of the pain I tried so hard to forget.
He was a week too late to try and win me back, a week of moving preparations, a week of building a new life. A fucking week that changed everything.
The letter somehow found its way to my front porch.
Vadon was away at work, and I was still busy unpacking and making myself feel at home and adjusted, that is for sure.
There was a knock, but nobody was there.
Cars drove by as I looked around, and a huge black bird cawed, gliding its wings and landing at my feet with a scroll.
“What is this?” I picked the scroll up as the bird flew away. “What the fuck?” Surely someone dropped this old looking letter off, and the bird may have been trying to take it. I was puzzled.
I closed the door and sat on the couch, drinking the tea Ma pre-packaged me for months. I sipped the tea as I opened the scroll and spat out my tea all over the coffee table. My hands began to tremble, I read the scroll over and over again.
Don’t marry him.
- Jax
Three fucking words. Is he serious? This Pendejo! This isn’t real... I glared at it, not believing my eyes, thinking somehow this was a sick joke. How did he find me?
I folded the scroll and placed it on the table.
No. No, this can’t be happening. He waited six months?
It’s too late! My betrayal overrode my emotions.
“It’s too late!” I shouted at absolutely no one.
Placing my tea down, I picked the scroll up, ripping it to pieces and throwing it in the trash bin.
“It’s too late,” I whispered, covering my mouth with my shaky hands as tears swarmed my face.
What did he expect from me? To act like the last six months didn’t happen?
This selfish fucking asshole! How dare he?
How dare he come and try to ruin my happiness.
No, I deserved this! I deserved peace! I refused to let this damn cowboy ruin my life anymore.
I was done. I was ready to move on with my life, to at least try.
I owed myself at least that. He owed me that!
To just stay away. He was doing so well at it.
Well, he could keep it up for all I cared.
The nerve of this cowboy! I waited and waited, and nothing, not a word!
Now he sends a three-word letter! I screamed, feeling senile.
“This stupid fucking shit-hole!” I screamed, the tears matching my insanity.
Who did he think he was? Did he really think I would just drop everything and run to him like a battered little puppy.
Fuck that, and fuck him! The outright audacity of him to even be harassing me in my dreams these last few months.
Keeping me from my sleep. “?A la puta verga! (Fucking dick)” I kicked over the trash bin.
I’d had dreams of him making love to me, taking me in my sleep, and I’d wake up needing him and his touch.
Longing and yearning for him. The hate mixed with my thick blood.
His timing was so fucking immaculate. I laughed.
A fucking week. A week ago if I had gotten this letter, would I even be here?
I laughed in my melancholy. Regret tugged at my gut, like a crack in my foundation.
Would I still have been here? The thought circulated my gray matter. Would I?
I gaped at the boxes of clothes in the articulate city’s mansion.
I felt tiny and alone. I continued to unpack my clothes with salty tears escaping my eyes, knowing the decision was already too final to go back.
Knowing I had to give this my best shot, otherwise it was all for nothing.
I broke like a glass teapot as I cried in this oversized and overstuffed closet.
I was surrounded by the most high-end labels and designer name brands, knowing none of it was what my heart truly desired deep down.
The name tags and labels meant nothing to me.
A waste of space, just like me. Emptiness evaded me like a whirlwind.
The price of being loved was so priceless, so costly to the soul. A price I was paying now.