Chapter 28 Faye
The music grounded back in as I blinked the madness away.
“Míja, are you okay?” Ma asked me, attuned with my nervous energy.
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just need a drink,” I mumbled, walking to the bar in a haze, desperate for a drink to quench the heaviness growing inside of me.
“I’ll take rum with coke, thank you.” The bartender handed me my drink and I took it and downing it like it was water.
I needed to numb the panic growing inside my chest. I could feel the anxiety attack come on.
I was here to support my friend and I needed to be present for her.
Be happy for her. Even though my own past was haunting me.
I let the liquor warm my belly, and hopefully, my fight or flight.
I made my way back to the table where Ma and Birdie sat eating their delicious plate of Mexican food.
I sat down, trying to pretend like I wasn’t secretly falling apart and crawling beneath my skin.
Today wasn’t about me and I needed to gather myself, and quickly.
“May I have this dance?” a rugged, silky voice asked. I looked up to see Jax in a black suit. Damn, he cleaned up nice. Even his beard was cleaned up. He looked dapper.
“Jax, not now,” I huffed in reply.
“Actually, I was asking Birdie, sorry to disappoint you, madam,” he said, smirking at me.
Eating my words, I looked at Birdie in total shock.
“Me?” Birdie asked, surprised, drowning in the oversized chair.
“Yup, how’s about it, little lady?” Jax extended his hand to Birdie, to court her to the dance floor.
“Okay!” she said excitedly, following him to the dance floor.
I swallowed, my heart in my throat. Jax put Birdie on his dress shoes so he wouldn’t step on her tiny feet as she giggled, and they strolled across the dance floor, Jax spinning her any chance he got.
I just watched and couldn’t take my eyes off of them.
I had never seen her with any man besides Vadon.
It was like a dream, a sweet dream I didn’t want out of.
I held my breath so tears wouldn’t fall from my face.
If I breathed too hard, I would cry. Damn this cowboy.
The song ended and Jax brought Birdie back to the table.
Birdie was elated in her floral dress, twirling. “Mama, did you see me? I was dancing.”
“I did, sweetheart, you looked like a princess at a ball,” I replied, squeezing her cheeks. “What do you say to Jax?”
Birdie gave him a nod. “Thank you, Jax,” she said shyly.
“It was my pleasure, Miss Birdie.” He tipped his hat at her. “Now it’s your turn to dance,” he said, his attention turning to me. Birdie pushed me off my chair to the dance floor.
“Oh. No, I’m good.” I chuckled nervously, glancing at Ma and Birdie as they egged me on to go.
“Don’t worry about Birdie,” Ma said. “I got it.” And she gave me a slight wink. I sighed and rolled my eyes, feeling outnumbered… and defeated.
“Okay, but just one,” I conceded, knowing damn well this was a bad idea.
It was exactly what I was afraid of. It wasn’t Jax.
No, he’d never ever hurt me. But he did hurt me.
Even if not intentionally, it still cut me, scarred me.
I could survive Vadon and his torment, even the divorce.
But getting hurt by Jax, I wasn’t sure I could live through that pain again, and that frightened me all on its own.
I knew that this man had the power, the will if I gave it to him, to completely end me.
Did he know just how fragile I was? That I was a ticking time bomb waiting to disintegrate into nothing?
That he was the only one with that type of hold on me, even now, and I despised him for it.
Jax led me to the dance floor and grabbed my waist, bringing me in close. We danced cheek to cheek as Bob Dylan’s, “Make You Feel My Love” played. Flutters ravaged my stomach at his touch.
“What were you thinking about?” he asked, with trepidation in his hazel eyes
I instantly went flush and shrugged it off.
“Nothing.” I gave him a look of, stay out of my head, Grimwood.
“Before you got up and went to the bar?” Jax was still stuck on his question. We kept swaying and gliding on the dance floor. This man didn’t know when to quit.
“Jax, leave it alone,” I replied, looking sternly into his hazel eyes. He twirled me, then dipped me, coming close to my face and peering deeply into my eyes.
“I know you, Robles. You were lost somewhere,” he whispered into my ear.
The song ended and I walked off the dance floor, pacing outside.
I needed air. I needed something, anything.
This was all too much. I ran to the barn in hopes he wouldn’t come after me and find me in tears. But Jax had always been relentless.
“Faye.” His voice was shaky behind me. I stood with my back to him, hoping I could gather myself before he saw my puffy red face.
“Just leave me alone. Please, I need a minute,” I said, pleading with him.
“You act like I haven’t seen you broken before. Like I don’t know that look, when you’re falling apart.” He walked to me, slow and cautious.
“Dammit, Jax, stop. Don’t go there, not right now,” I huffed, wiping the tears that betrayed me.
“Fine, but don’t lie to me, Faye. You don’t have to fake it with me. You don’t have to act like you’re okay, when you’re not,” he said, his words baffling me.
This man was relentless. “I’m fine, Jax!
” I shouted, and turned around, angry this man wouldn’t leave me to crumble alone, even for just a second.
My skin felt hot and thick, my fingers tingling.
I turned back around, trying to compose myself.
I couldn’t let anyone see me like this, especially him.
I was tired of being weak and so fucking vulnerable.
Trying to strengthen my breath, I closed my eyes, hoping to center myself, to whatever the fuck was happening to me. My air was escaping my lungs rapidly.
“Faye, just breathe in and out slowly. I’ll breathe with you.” His voice was becoming an echo, my vision blurring. I focused on his breathing, trying to match my panicked breaths with his. My breathing was becoming less labored, as the panic began to dissipate.
“That’s it,” he whispered, and walked towards me slowly, grabbing my shaky hands and squeezing them tight inside his huge calloused palms. “I’m right here with you, I’m not going anywhere.
” Our eyes interlocked, and I felt more grounded, the pressure of his hands calming me down.
As we breathed together, our foreheads touched slightly.
“That’s a good girl, Faye,” Jax praised me, as he rubbed my hands between our chests with his thumb.
I slowly lifted my gaze to his, and he was giving me that look again, staring at my lips like he wanted to kiss me.
“Don’t stop me this time,” he cooed. Before I could respond, he grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me into him fiercely, our mouths crashing into one another, melting onto each other’s tongues.
A whimper escaped me as he groaned into my mouth.
It was as if all the five years of our pent-up passion and words that were never said, were expressed through this intoxicating kiss.
I could feel his length hardening through his suit pants.
I was instantly soaked the minute his tongue slid into my mouth.
I hadn’t been kissed like this in years. I hadn’t been touched in months.
Jaxon locked the barn door behind him, leading me to a stack of hay.
He lifted my dress slowly, bending to his knees.
He kept eye contact with me, licking and kissing my inner thighs, so close to that sweet, tender spot, making me moan and shiver.
My nipples pebbled as he ran his thumb over my drenched undies, licking the wet spot with his warm tongue, slow and steady.
He watched me unwind, placing my hands in his dark hair.
“Tell me you want me, Faye.” He stood from his knees, licking my neck as he teased my nipples, making my breasts ache for his touch.
He pulled the top of my dress down, making my heavy breasts bounce.
He grabbed a rope in the barn, tying it tightly around my wrists, before tying my wrists to a metal bar on the barn ceiling.
I stood there nearly naked, desperate for his touch.
“I’m going to make you remember what you missed.
” Jax circled me, watching me like I was his prey to take.
“You’re going to stand here all tied up and watch me while I tease this pretty pussy.
I’m going to enjoy watching you come on my face,” he said, breathing heavily.
I couldn’t believe we were doing this in this barn again.
The fact that he had me tied up so vulnerable made my core throb.
Was it the rum, or was it this man? I didn’t care anymore. I wanted this. I wanted him.
“I want you,” I whispered, my body shaking with the need to orgasm so sinfully.
“Say less, little light.” A devious smirk spread across his face as he licked his lips, salivating at my drenched slit.
Jax moved my black lace thong to the side, exposing me to him.
“You’ve been a brat, Faye,” he teased, slapping my needy clit and inserting a finger slowly, in and out of my silky wet core.
I moaned delightfully as I spread my thick thighs, so he could touch me deeper.
“You need to be punished, baby girl.” I wished he didn’t stop.
Jax slapped my heavy, full breasts, taking my nipple into his mouth.
He squeezed my breast to make sure all the blood rushed to my nipple, as it protruded.
He sucked and licked at my nipples and breasts as if he was famished.
I was so wet for him, I could feel the wet spot seeping onto my inner thighs.
Jax bent to his knees again, licking that same sensitive spot.
“Fuck,” I moaned, tugging on my wrists. He began slapping my pussy as it throbbed.