Chapter 41
Ifound Faye on the bathroom floor, completely somewhere else, with the sink still running.
She had a blank stare on her face. My girl was lost again and I knew exactly where she went.
I sat down on the floor with her. “Faye?” I said, and grabbed her face gently, so she would look at me.
But there was no expression, nobody was there.
She was pale and lost. I picked her up and put her on her bed, embracing her with my warmth.
She caved in my strong, sturdy arms. There wasn’t a damn thing I could do except hold her so tight, I hoped it would piece her back together.
“You really thought I didn’t care?”
My eyes went wide, not prepared for that question right now.
“This has been my life every year for five years, Jax,” she whimpered.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry I hurt you, that I left.
I’m sorry I hurt you, Faye. I’m sorry you’re still hurting and I couldn’t see it,” I replied, in immediate regret, and kissed the top of her brunette head.
“I wish I could take those words back, baby.” I wasn’t the only one who was haunted by our past, and I existed for five years believing I was.
A fool, a self-centered boy who had no idea what the hell he was doing, or even how to process something I wanted so bad it ached at me relentlessly.
After twenty minutes of holding her in silence, I got off the bed and grabbed her beautiful face.
“Listen, yes we lost our bean, and we even lost each other for a while. But what matters is that we found each other again. I want to make so many more babies with you, Faye Robles, and we will, when the time is right. I promise, my ljos. We have Birdie, and now there’s nothing more that I want than to be a part of both your lives,” I said, reassuring her.
Faye looked up at me. “Do you mean that?” she said, wiping her tears.
“With every breath in me, baby girl,” I replied, Faye kissing me as we melted into each other. “Let’s change the narrative. Let’s make every Thanksgiving the best we can, for Bean.”
She looked at me with pure admiration and love in her eyes. A word I hadn’t expressed to her just yet, but I would when the moment was perfect and not filled with overwhelming griefs. “Okay.”
She smiled as we headed to the kitchen, hand in hand. I would walk my girl out of her darkness for the rest of our lives, as long as that little light tinkered.
Faye wanted to make it the best Thanksgiving there ever was for Birdie, at Ma’s house with my pop and the Robles family.
I loved the way she threw herself into the holidays for her.
I watched her come alive again, dancing in the kitchen as she cooked with Stefani, basking in the food’s delicious scent.
Was this happiness? Possibly, a glimpse.
I thought about our unborn child. How I wished somehow, one day, we would have one of our own.
I wanted to fill her up with so many of me.
I wanted her and me in one soul, one body. I wanted it so bad, it hurt.
“Let us break bread at this table. May we feast!” my father cheered from the table.
The guys sung in a beautiful Nordic melody as they drank from their cups, cheering as we all gathered in.
I looked around the table, watching the people I loved feast. We were a peculiar group.
A group I proudly claimed with pride. My family. Faye caught me gazing at her.
“What are you looking at, cowboy?” Faye tipped my hat and kissed me.
“Just my whole world,” I replied, taking her in my arms as we danced in the kitchen, where I dipped and twirled her.