Chapter 47 Jax
Present-
We both needed a few days to cool down, before I imploded her whole entire world as she knew it.
I didn’t want to make matters worse by saying something stupid, which I was notorious for.
How do you tell your dark truth to the love of your life?
How do I break this down? All of it was already overwhelming me, my mind racing with internalized thoughts.
I took a swig of my amber brown whiskey.
I was a kid back then, and thought I had Faye all figured out.
Truth be told, I didn’t even have myself figured out.
I chuckled at that young boy who didn’t have the slightest clue on how to navigate life.
I had never understood her more than I did now.
I saw her for all of her, even the things she tried to hide from herself. Faye was a survivor… a fighter.
It was in her blood, the way she was uniquely made.
She couldn’t even quit the man who was abusing her, and I knew damn well she hadn’t quit me.
If she wanted to leave me again, fine. But I wasn’t going to let her run this time without telling her how I really felt about her, about me.
I wasn’t going to make it easy for her this time.
If Faye wanted to be a stubborn brat, then I’d give her a run for her money.
If she was going to run again, she’d better do it in front of me this time.
I wasn’t that eighteen-year-old boy anymore, insecure of who I was or wasn’t.
I knew who I was. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Faye choking on my cock for the rest of our unholy lives, and I was going to make my pretty little ljos very, very, sorry.
I’d be damned if I was going to make the same mistake twice.
I’d spent six years thinking she would never come back to Grimstone.
This time I would put up a fight. A fight I should have put up six years ago.
If by the end of everything she still wanted to leave, then fine.
Yes it would hurt, but not telling her the truth would hurt even more.
I couldn’t fully have her if she didn’t know everything.
Gods forgive me. I knew that hurt and I didn’t want to live it again.
I knew this was bigger than miscommunication.
This was about our traumas resurfacing, and I was man enough to realize that.
Faye didn’t know how to be happy for too long, out of fear of being caged, or that somehow I’d fuck it up and hurt her again.
She needed to understand I wasn’t an idiot kid anymore.
I needed to make her see that, make her feel it.
She was like a wild horse— she couldn’t be tamed, and I had no desire to do that.
I just wanted to admire her for the dark beauty she was.
Faye thought running from me would be easy this time, but she was mine.
Mine. Not in the way where I wanted to cage or suppress her.
No, mine in the sense where I wanted to love her sinfully, and make her understand submission didn’t have to hurt.
You don’t have to give up parts of yourself, and strip your dignity.
It could liberate her in the most humane way.
Oh yes, I would make it very hard for the wild thing that took up space in my heart.
I would make her beg me to never leave. I wanted to watch her cry sweet, salty tears as I made love to her.
So she would never think about leaving me again.
Faye had it coming for her, all ten inches of my hard, thick, deadly cock.