Chapter 48 Faye
Ihad yet to hear from Jax, and the cave in my chest grew bigger everyday.
His words had penetrated me, leaving their mark.
Was I running? Was the thought of being tied down resurfacing old wounds that I thought had healed?
How long would that pain have a hold on me?
Was I running from love because I wanted more for myself, or because I had started to associate love with a cage?
A cage I promised myself I’d never set foot in again.
Jax’s comment at the mountain during sunrise rang through me.
“Don’t let him win.” Yet, here I was letting Vadon win.
Still without my knowledge, he had control over me.
Healing from abuse was harder than I had anticipated.
It was a stain on my soul. While I built my walls so high to keep out anything bad, I had unknowingly also built them to keep anything good out.
It wasn’t fair that Vadon got to live his life peacefully, while I grappled with love in ugly ways.
The last time I felt like I deserved something good in my life, it was the biggest mistake.
But Jax wasn’t Vadon. They were day and night.
Jax had fought for months to tear down these walls, no matter how difficult I made it for him.
What hurt me the most was that Jax insinuated that I didn’t think he was good enough.
Is that what he truly thought of me? Some spoiled rich ex-housewife?
These thoughts had unsettled me and infuriated me to no end, because that’s not who I was.
And how long would he continue to throw the past in my face?
He left me, so I left him right back. I wouldn’t be waiting around for any man this time. Over my dead fucking body.
Working at The Wild Minx was a good distraction. It was a slow night, and thank the gods, because I wasn’t necessarily in the mood to smile cheekily at any man right now.
Raquel came in shortly after my shift and sat down at the bar. “Cousin, I am parched! I had the longest embalming today and I need something stiff.”
I smirked at her while getting her rum and coke made and handed it to her.
“Uh oh, trouble in paradise?” she asked, not missing a beat.
I hated how I wore my emotions on my face. It was a curse. “Is it that obvious?” I asked her, while wiping down the bar.
“Unless your goldfish died, then yes,” Rocky said, smirking.
“Jax and I are fighting,” I sighed, rolling my eyes into oblivion.
“You two are literally the living form of ‘can’t live with them, can't live without them’.” She laughed, shaking her head and sipping her drink.
“Yeah, and that’s the problem. It’s getting exhausting trying to figure out where we stand all the time.” I threw the rag in the dirty bin.
“Is it?” Raquel mocked, sarcastically.
“Oh my gods, what? Are you going to give me a speech on how love is hard and all that mierda (shit)?” I retorted, drying the utensils and folding them in a cloth napkin.
Rocky tapped her black acrylics on the bar. “Nope, I’ll save you that conversation but I’ll ask you this, is it exhausting because you aren’t a match, or is it because Jax mirrors all your fears and insecurities?”
Too stunned to speak, I let the question sit with me as it stirred something inside me, like a tornado on the rise. Ew, how dare she.
“You deserve happiness, Faye, you just have to let yourself be open to it. You can’t punish Jax for what he did as a kid forever.
Plus, you did your shit, too. You know, running away with that pinche puto and all.
Nobody had heard or seen from Jax for months after you two broke up.
He was a fucking mess, Faye. You weren’t the only one doing all the breaking you know. ”
I swallowed hard in silence, because that’s exactly what I had been doing. I just sat and listened. I never knew how bad it got for him. Jax had a way of hiding his pain just like I did. We were the same in that aspect, always had been.
“Since when do you stick up for Jax Grimwood?” I eyed her curiously.
“I know true evil, Faye, and it’s not Jax, plus I owe him a favor.”
A favor? Before I could ask, Rocky sat her tip down and finished her drink.
“I’m taking my ass home for a nice salt bath while I watch Silent Hill. Later, sucia.”
I was still mesmerized by her words. My cousin was right, I needed to get Jax to speak to me. I had really done it this time. Maybe I was the one who had to apologize this time. Fuck me. I’d rather drink bleach.
“I haven’t told him about the apparitions,” I called out to her, before she could make her way out of the saloon.
“What, you think you’ll spook him?” Rocky seemed entertained by this thought.
“Are you literally laughing about this, you hoe? What if he finds out I’m some freak, on top of having baggage!” I poured myself a small drink.
“I think you could tell that man you had two heads, and he’d make out with both of them.” Raquel made her way back to the bar. “Listen, prima, life is hard enough, don’t make something so simple, so complicated.”
“Are we talking about the same guy? There’s nothing about me and Jax that has ever been simple,” I responded, letting the rum burn the back of my throat.
“Talk to him, you’d be surprised what skeletons some people are hiding in their own closet.” Raquel winked at me and headed back out of the saloon.
I swear my prima always knew more than she led on. What favor did she owe Jax? And more importantly… Why?
After my shift ended, I went home and laid my head on my pillow, tossing and turning.
I couldn’t get what Rocky said out of my head, and I knew eventually Jax and I would have to talk, despite both of us being stubborn as his bull.
After several minutes of finding a comfortable position, I heard music.
At first I thought I was crazy, because it sounded like it was coming from outside my window, and it was nearly three a.m. What in the Santa Muerte?
I rose from my bed, looking out my window like I was senile. I tied my robe and walked to my window.
I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing—Jaxon standing outside of his truck, while he blasted In your eyes by Peter Gabriel.
I smiled cheekily, shaking my head in disbelief.
Jax was playing out one of my favorite 80’s rom-com movies, Say Anything.
He just stood there, staring at me through my window, legs crossed at his ankles, with his trucker hat on backwards.
I ran to my closet and put on my Beetlejuice slippers, slipping out the door quietly, making sure I didn’t wake Ma and Birdie.
I opened the door as it creaked, and walked to the end of the porch.
“What are you doing, Jax? It’s literally three a.m.?” I whispered, trying to not seem smitten.
“I’m serenading you, my lady,” Jax cooed, before walking to me and grabbing my hands. “We have about three hours before sunrise, come with me?” Jax led me to his truck.
“Where are we going?” I hissed, standing there in my pajamas.
“Don’t worry about it, just get in the truck,” he demanded, holding the truck door open for me like a true gentleman.
“So, Say Anything, huh? That was a nice touch,” I said, sitting in Jax’s truck, arms crossed. Jax looked over at me with a deadly smirk. “Listen, Jax, we have a lot to talk about.” I uncrossed my arms.
“I know,” he said, deadpan eyes still on the dirt road.
“I just wanted to let you know, I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t want a life with you, or that it wasn’t enough.
” I gulped. He was so quiet it was making me nervous.
I was growing more annoyed by his silence.
“Well, are you going to say something? I’m pouring my guts out to you, and you’re just staring at me like I’m an idiot.
” I sat there looking at him, feeling nervous, my words falling short.
We pulled up to Skull Canyon. I didn’t notice that’s where we were headed through my very sincere apologies. I rolled my eyes at this stupid cowboy, regretting even saying sorry.
“Just be quiet,” Jax said, stepping out of the truck and grabbing me from my seat.
“What the fuck, Jax? First you serenade me, and then you tell me to be quiet?” I gasped as he lifted me and threw me over his broad shoulders.
“You fucker, let me down right now!” I screamed, trying to pound his back with my fists, which were doing absolutely nothing.
I blew my bangs out of my eyes, just before Jax threw me on the bed of his truck, which was covered with blankets and pillows.
“You’ve been a very bad bad girl, Faye,” Jax seethed at me. My face went blank. “While your apologies are appreciated and well deserved… you, my dear,” he flicked my chin, “are still getting punished,” he said to me, slipping off his belt. Oh shit.