43. Roxy
Roxy
My teeth chatter and my leg won’t stop shaking.
Perched on a stool in the club, watching everything happen, it’s like I’m not really here. Just an outsider.
Kai held on to me and refused to let go, even when his consciousness waned. He held me like I might run again.
I wasn’t going to. Not this time. Never again.
It’s time to face the consequences of my actions. Actions that got the men I love hurt. The more injured men were taken away somewhere, most likely to the hospital. Kai refused to go with them, and so did Griff. They made the doctor see them in the club.
With no pain medication, the doctor stitches Kai up, marvelling at the fact that no arteries were punctured and both bullets went straight through.
I nearly collapsed with relief.
Griff is more serious, yet he lounges on a booth with a drink in his hand like nothing happened. Leon is next to him, waking on the way over. For once, it doesn’t look like Griff is going to murder him.
Scanning my eyes, I see Maddy clinging onto Ash, refusing to let go for even a second.
It’s all too much.
My eyes drop to my hands in my lap, distracting myself from all the pain and hurt I caused.
Kai hisses through his teeth, and I flinch. My eyes find him, and sweat soaks his bare chest. Scars and burns glint under the dim light, stained red from the wounds.
Finally, I dare to look at Kaleb. He’s already staring at me. My vision of him blurs as I see him shirtless, burns reddening his ribs and his arm wrapped in a sling.
My fault.
Fighting my tears, I look away. Unable to hold his gaze for a second longer. Two men who have already gone through unimaginable things, sitting side by side with new wounds.
I choke back my sobs.
I’m not sure what comes after this. After I beg on my hands and knees for the Devils to hear my apology. After that, I’ll leave. My brothers... They are dead now. Wherever I go, at least I know they won’t follow.
They might have cost me the best thing that ever happen to me. They don’t have that power anymore.
“Roxy...” A soft voice makes me flinch.
I squeeze my eyes shut, not ready to face Maddy, softly shaking my head.
“Are you okay?”
“Maddy,” I rasp, balling my hands into fists over my lap. “Don’t be nice to me right now.”
Her cold hand lands on my arm, and her head falls onto my shoulder.
“I heard that you did it because they threatened me,” she murmurs. Her voice is thick with emotion, and it forces a tear from my closed eyes. “Never in my life did I think I’d find a friend who loves me that much.”
A quiet sob falls from my lips, and I turn into her, wrapping my arms tight around her. She holds me back.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp.
It’s all I’ve been saying. It’s the only words that keep coming to me.
“You’re sorry?” Ash growls.
Maddy pulls away from me, and it gives me enough space to see the president, standing in the middle of his club.
Like this, the word frightening doesn’t even begin to explain him. My lip wobbles and I stare at him, ready to take whatever he wants to give me. I betrayed his club. Their safety.
“Did I hear that right?” he takes a slow step.
I nod, steeling myself and blinking back the tears.
His eyes narrow on me. “Fuck your sorries.”
I nod again, no words forming on my lips.
Every step he takes towards me is slow and torturous. The room around us falls silent, everyone watching for what is about to happen.
“The Devils invited you into our club, into our homes,” he continues, each word a cut to my heart. “Trusted you. Helped you. Protected you.”
“Ash...” Maddy murmurs.
His eyes shoot to her, but only for a second, before sliding back to me.
“And what did you do?”
Swallowing down the pain and guilt lodged deep in my throat, I open my mouth finally. “I betrayed them.”
It comes out as a pathetic whisper.
“No,” he grits out, now just a step away.
His stormy blue eyes bore down into mine.
“You did what you had to do to protect my Angel,” he bites out. “You came back, despite everything. You killed your own blood to protect one of us.”
His words make my breath stutter. And when he drops his forehead against mine, I freeze.
“You acted like a Devil. And for protecting my angel, I am forever in your debt,” he whispers.
I shake my head softly, but his hand shoots up to grip my face.
“I left the door...”
“You did what you had to do.”
Pulling back, with his fingers biting into my cheeks, his eyes search mine. His thumb dusts over my blood smattered cheek.
“You are perfect for my brothers,” he smirks. “And they are perfect for you.”
I drop my eyes at that, not quite sure if I believe him. How can I be perfect for them if I brought them pain?
“To Roxy Kavanagh,” Ash booms, finally releasing my face and turning to the men in the club. “Our newest Devil.”
Everyone cheers and lifts their drinks, and my eyes brim with tears yet again. I’m tired and sad, guilty and confused. This is not how I expected things to go, in the slightest.
And although Ash forgives me, I still feel the weight of guilt on my shoulders. Ash leans against the bar, lighting a cigarette, and Maddy kisses my cheek before latching onto him.
“Please sit down,” the doctor fusses, trying to stop Kai from standing. “You should not be putting weight on that leg, sir!”
The look Kai gives him sends a shiver down my spine. “If you want to keep that hand, I suggest you take if off me.”
The doctor raises his hands, taking a step away, as Kai tries to push himself off the booth. Kaleb is right there, helping his brother up.
Tears are already sliding down my face as they make their way over to me.
Both sets of dark eyes pinning me where I sit.
I open my mouth to speak. To beg for their forgiveness. Out of everyone, they deserve it the most.
“Don’t you fucking open your mouth,” Kaleb murmurs.
My teeth shut with a clink.
Kai reaches into his pocket. When I see the black diamond necklace in his hand, I whimper.
His teeth grit as he lifts his injured arm to wrap it around my neck. I try to stop him, but the look he gives me has me lowering my hands.
When it clasps around my neck, he dusts one of the diamonds with his thumb.
“If you ever take this off again,” he hums with his quiet, raspy voice. “If you ever run away from me again... I’ll carve my name into your skin, so people know who to return you to. Do you understand me?”
I give him a shaky nod.
“I’m so...”
Fingers press against my mouth, and he leans in closer to me.
“If I hear you utter that fucking word again, I might just lose my shit, okay?”
Once again, I’m nodding. But this time, I’m also reaching for him. Leaning up to kiss the lips I thought I’d never get to feel again.
His lips are warm when they connect with mine, and suddenly everything feels okay. Even though I know things are very much still not okay, for this split second, it doesn’t matter.
“I love you,” I whisper against his lips.
He kisses me harder, growling against my lips. Kissing me until I’m breathless and my stomach curls with heat.
“Roxy,” he grits out, before biting my lip, soothing it with his tongue when he lets it free. “I’m not sure if I even know how to love. But what I feel for you... you’re in every fucking part of me. And I’m not ever, not for anything, letting you go.”
Tears are hot and heavy, dripping down my face.
“Sunshine,” I whimper.
Ash snorts at the nickname, but I pay him no attention. He slides something heavy into my hand, and I peer down to see Kaleb’s knife. I’m scared to look at Kai’s twin. I feel him standing beside Kai, but I’m a coward.
My fingers wrap tighter around the knife.
Without looking, I reach my hand out towards him.
“This is yours,” I murmur.
I can’t shake the fucking image of him thrashing against the chains, trying to get to me, when Isaac had a knife against my throat. The wrong angle of his shoulder and his battered body.
How can I ever face that?
“Are you fucking serious?” he grits out.
My hand stays reached out between us, frozen. I finally force myself to look at him, and I instantly regret it.
He looks terrible.
Bruising covers his face; one stains his under-eye, black and brutal. Dried blood coats half of his neck, and the way he carries his body is stiff with exhaustion.
My eyes drop, unable to take him in for another second.
His hand wraps around mine and pushes the knife back towards me.
I feel him simmering next to me, vibrating with an uncontrolled rage that isn’t like him.
“I’m so fucking angry at you,” he mutters.
I nod. “I know.”
It comes out watery.
“No, actually you don’t.”
I peek up at him through my lashes, focusing on the darkness of his eyes instead of his injuries.
“If you think I’m mad about the door, then you have no clue what I’m talking about,” he continues.
My face screws up, confused. “Then, what?”
His jaw clenches, eyes narrowing on me.
“You left. You left us. You didn’t come to us for help, and I get it, you did it for Maddy, but you fucking left.”
My lip won’t stop shaking, listening to his words. It feels like my heart is being squeezed by a vice, and it wants to explode.
“And then you fucking came back,” he growls. “Walked right into that place to save us. Do you have any clue what it did to me, to see you with that knife to your throat and not be able to do anything about it?”
“I had to,” I sob, shaking with the need to hold him. “I had to come back!”
“I thought I was about to watch you die!” he yells, vibrating with fury.
The veins in his neck pop and his busted lip curls.
His shoulders sag as a breath whooshes out of him.
“You have no idea what that did to me,” he whispers. “Fuck, Black Cat. I’ll never fucking forgive you for that.”
My heart cracks. But I don’t regret it. If I had the choice to redo getting back on that bus and coming back for them, I’d choose it every single time.
He steps closer, between my legs.
“You reckless, infuriating, stubborn, fucking gorgeous woman,” he growls an inch from my face. “I don’t forgive you. I can’t forgive you. But when I saw that fucking knife pressed against your neck, I realised something even more terrifying.”
He slides the back of his knuckles down my throat, goosebumps following in their wake.
“What is that?” I whisper.
“That I’m in love with you,” he mouths, so quietly I barely catch the words.
But I do.
They sink in. Heavily, impossible, unbelievable. The weight of both twins loing me makes it hard to breathe.
I shake my head, crying too hard to speak.
“So you are not going anywhere,” he adds, circling his fingers around my neck. “And you best believe I’m going to make you pay for making me feel this way.”
Although they shouldn’t, his words make me shiver with need.
“I love you,” I choke out, before turning to Kai. “Both of you. So much.”
I fall into both of their arms and hold on to them as if it’s the last time.
“As much as I hate to admit it,” I hear Griff’s scowl in the words. “That was fucking cute.”
Ash and Maddy laugh, and a watery laugh falls out of me too. Silence falls all around us, and I grip onto my broken twins. The loves of my life.
Exhausted and sore, we slump against the bar. Matt silently pours some drinks and slides them towards us, winking at me when I turn towards him.
Family.
The most insane family. But the most perfect one a girl like me could ever dream of. Maddy must be feeling the same way because she reaches her hand out to me. Our fingers slide together and we squeeze.
“How are we going to get through this mess,” she murmurs, shaking her head.
“Together,” Ash whispers.