Chapter 19
Konstantin
Never did I think leaving was going to be so unpleasant— painful, to put it bluntly.
For the last few years all I wanted, desired, and dreamed of was escaping prison and living the life I craved.
Now that it was in the palm of my hands, the sole purpose of the mission had been derailed.
All I wanted— the woman I wanted— was staying, and I was leaving.
Our shared paths were coming to an end.
It felt like a piece of my soul had been shredded from my chest. Staying with her.
It was unthinkable; even if this were two months ago, I would have gotten on the train and never looked back.
Yet all my eyes did was search for her.
My boot tapped incessantly against the subway floor as I sat on one of the benches.
My muscles were tight against the fabric of the black leather jacket, shirt, and blue jeans Blair had given me the day after we met.
Sure, it wasn’t the grandest gift, but it was one that meant more than a million dollars.
The chatter of the people coming in and out amplified my shot nerves. The speaker system called for the boarding passages. The sound of rushed footsteps ran through and out.
From my peripheral, a glint of brown wavy hair entered my vision as I snapped my head and rushed to my feet.
Burning anticipation coursed through my veins.
Her petite hips swayed side to side as she hastened to reach one of the trains.
She looked frantically almost as if she was trying to see which train to get in.
It’s her.
My lips parted open as I went to call out for her when a child’s voice erupted, “Mamma!”
She whisked around, and her soft features clashed with somewhere beyond me. Then a boy who was about seven years old came running up to her.
Her eyes rounded with shock and relief.
“Oh my god, Richardo! I was looking for you everywhere. Where were you? Don’t you ever run off like that!” She frantically reprimanded him as she knelt to eye level.
The boy, who wore a Spiderman shirt, blue jeans and matching Nike sneakers, stood cautiously as he nervously replied, “I went to see the man who sold the diamond earrings to see if he would give me a discount for it. I mean, since it’s your birthday soon and you really want them.”
Her eyes began to water as she shook her head. “Please don’t do that again. Those earrings don’t matter as much as you.”
“Okay, Mamma,” he said.
“Promise me.”
“I promise, Mamma.”
“Alright, baby.” She cupped his cheek, giving him a kiss before she stood up, dusted off his skirt, and took his hand in hers. “Now let's go home.”
“Can we get some gelato on the way?”
She eyed him before sighing, like waving a white flag. “Although you don’t deserve it, okay.”
“Yay! I love you, Mamma!” He laughed as they boarded the train.
The duo reminded me of her.
Disappointment churned in my chest.
Hoping every brunette would be Blair was just being delirious.
Dreaming she would come in, crush my lips against hers, and join me onward to our new life, but when the case proved otherwise, it crushed any illusion of that fanciful notion.
I clenched my fist, vexed with myself.
She’s not coming.
She will. Just wait.
There’s no more time. We have to leave.
No.
We— I had no time for this.
Blair made her decision.
Even if it tore the seams of my heart— whatever remained of it—apart, even after all we went through, the bittersweet memories, the sardonic jokes, the hidden touches shared in the bleak of night, the secret our mouths were entangled with— it was a fact I had to accept.
Like hell. I’d rather go back to prison just to see her once a week than go the rest of my life without seeing her.
Me too, but…
Rationally, this was my last ticket to freedom, and my need for survival went to war with my mind. My desire.
Years of mundane faces became a blur in my mind, but she was the single thing that stood out amongst the black nothingness.
Perhaps with time she would be able to move on, but I wouldn’t.
And that was the insufferable part of it all.
My words came back to haunt me.
Who knows, maybe you’ll miss me after I’m gone.
Fuck.
Fuck, meeting Blair had been the best blessing and the worst curse any man could incur.
Life had been so much easier before, yet it was bleak and dull without her essential vivid essence. Somehow I couldn’t imagine a life where she didn’t exist. Where we didn’t exist?
Why did she have to make a storm out of nothing?
Out of all women, why her?
Why now?
Regardless, she had me forever trapped.
But there was nothing else I could do.
Nothing could happen unless she willed it.
My lips thinned, seeing only one way out of here.
With that realization, I bent down and grabbed my bag, throwing it over my shoulder as the announcer spoke through the speaker, “Train 104 from here to Estrella City, Theronida, is incoming. Please, all boarding, collect your items and prepare to board.”
The train rails screeched as it began to approach. A gust of wind blew through my shirt, doing nothing to cool my nerves, but in the moment my defenses were down, the ticket slipped through my fingers and blew somewhere behind me.
“Damnit,” I hissed underneath my breath as I turned around and went to retrieve it. There was no way I was losing my one ticket out of this hell. My strides were quick and steady as I noticed the paper had flown all the way to a soda machine.
“Kon!” A distant whisper called out.
A wiring beat pulsed beneath my fingertips.
I shook my head.
No it can be.
I must have been so desperate I was hallucinating.
But regardless, I stayed put, wondering if my mind was playing any more cruel tricks on me.
“Konstantin!” The voice grew louder, more fervent. “Konstantin!” She called again.
If I turn around, will you be there?
One part of me didn’t want to face reality; it didn’t want to accept that she wasn’t here, and I was dreading leaving without her. The other part hoped… it just hoped the woman of my fucking dreams would be there.
Please. Please. Please.
Slowly, I tilted my head as I prayed, seeing a mirage of mystic hazel eyes, long wavy hair, and a face worthy of devotion and praise standing on the other side of the platform before it quickly blurred away as the train came barreling in.
Making a full stop after a minute, the doors slid open, and a horde of passengers came pouring out.
My chest halted before it came roaring with life. With need. Desperation.
“Kon!” Blair yelled.
My eyes frantically searched for her as I saw her small silhouette attempting to make her way inside the train.
The weight of the world shifted on its axis. Time slowed down to create a universe where we only existed.
A frenzy of fire stirred in my sternum.
In an instant, my body responded, clenching the ticket in my hand and going right after her, running against the current of new and old passengers. Pushing and shoving my way through the crowd, not caring who was in my way as my eyes held onto Blair.
Get out of my way. Fuck all these people. I just need her.
My hands desperately crawled through. People shoved and cursed, as their presence was like that of mere insects.
Please be real.
Be here.
My chest constricted tightly, clasping to the minimal possibility of having her near me.
Don’t disappear.
Don’t leave.
My mind spun and drew me straight to her.
Don’t leave me.
Stay.
Stay there.
Stay with me.
These thoughts consumed every fiber of my being ever since Blair Morgan came into my life, and if this was insanity, then I never wanted to be sane again.
She was the only thing I wanted, forever, and if she was all I could ever ask for, then my life would be complete.
There was nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice for her.
Most of the crowd dispersed as I was finally able to get on the train, and my lungs stood breathless as Blair stood in front of me.
She was within the grasp of my fingertips, her sweet scent in my vicinity, and her body calling to mine.
The black laced mesh material melted into her curves and made her radiate like the goddess Aphrodite.
Animosity drank the space between us.
There was this lingering anger and perplexity that manifested itself in me.
“What are you doing here, kotyonok?” The question felt tedious, but it was vital to know where we would go from here.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” She was exasperated, her cheeks all rosy as she looked at the crowd around us.
My steel gaze narrowed watching her unravel as the instinct to touch her was unbearable, so I raised my hand and cupped her cheek and made her keep her focus on me… just me. And my eyes, my lips, and my ears were all for her.
“Tell me.” My command came with a soft plea.
A soft furrow dug between her brows as she lifted her pretty little lashes to face me. “I—I—” the words seemed to be stuck in her throat.
Then she shook her head and cast her gaze down as if she had regretted it all.
No. No. Please don’t give me false hope.
I could deal with rejection, but her toying with me would be too much. Too painful. Too bitter to live with.
For so long there wasn’t a single person who cared for me and I didn’t mind, but I needed this woman to want me. To need me. To love me. Just like I loved her.
My hands nearly dropped to her side when she said the most devastatingly beautiful words I’ve ever heard. “I came… for you. For us.”
“What?”
“Do I really have to repeat myself?”
“I’d prefer if you did.”
She released a sigh, her eyes breaking away to the other incoming passengers before returning to mine. “I came here for you. For us.”
“Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“No. You had made your decision to stay for your son, which is understandable, but now you’re here. So why now?”
“To give us a chance.”
“Why after everything?”
“Because… it felt wrong to stay.”
That answer wasn’t satisfying in the least. It was almost a cop-out to not admit her true intentions. Yet if she was willing to sacrifice everything, then she should admit it.
“You were never one to confine, but if you wanted to leave, you didn’t need me. You had your mind made up long ago, kotyonok.”
“Gosh, you're really stubborn. Do you want me to profess my love or something?”
“Yes.”
A scoff fell from her lips as she shook her head.
“You’re impossible, you know that.” But she couldn’t resist smiling.
“And that’s the same reason I’m in love with you.
All the sane and insane parts of you. Because it’s always been you, Kon.
You were the missing factor I needed to feel alive again. Not the church. Not the convent. You.”
I ran my tongue across the edge of my teeth as a smirk fit on my lips.
“Well, you and Dya. I need you both.” She whispered meekly, redness rising to the top of her cheeks.
The way she just proclaimed her love makes me want to burn in her for hell while marking her and spraying her all over with my cum.
I couldn’t agree more.
“What’s he saying?” Her now green hazel eyes lit up with curiosity.
“You’ll find out later when we’re all alone.” I let out the rough whisper between us.
A squeal of excitement escaped her throat as she raised her hand to her neck to ease the embarrassment. She then slapped the center of my chest. “Shameless!”
“Oh, you want me to take you and ruin you in front of all these people?” I wrapped my hand around her waist, pulled her close so she could feel my building erection and my increasing need for her.
“No! You wouldn’t.” Blair’s voice trailed with inklings of uncertainty, yet her gaze burned against me in a challenge. “You might be a depraved bastard, but you aren’t an exhibitionist.”
“Why not start now?”
“Oh, shut up!”
Now there was an idea.
Holding her still with one arm around her waist, dropping my bag to the floor, and my other hand buried in her hair, I kept her immovable as I crashed my lips into hers. Brutally. Selfishly. And all-consuming.
She was my breath of life. Through her, she was my reason for being, for living. My universe revolved around her. The sun, the moon, the Earth— she was all of it.
With this kiss, I sealed my fate and bound my soul to hers.
Nipping and biting at the seam of her lips, owning her as she owned me.
She moaned as I swallowed it with another kiss. Her hands roamed from the sleeves of my leather jacket to the roots of my hair as she lifted up on her tippy toes.
There was nothing better than this.
Nothing compared. Nowhere was my place besides next to her. No one could take her away now.
“Excuse me but you must choose a seat.” A prim, nearly prudish voice cut in.
My lips regrettably parted from Blair’s, piercing my gaze onto the intruder, who was a train stewardess dressed with a mid-length green dress, a red coat on top with a matching side cap.
How annoying.
“What do you want?” Cold-blooded intent stood in my tone. “Can’t you see we’re having a moment?”
Her mouth dropped open, speechless as a shudder rolled through her shoulders.
Blair's body shook beside me as sweet laughter left her lips. Blush tainted her face. “Pardon, we’ll do that now.”
Her hand slipped into mine as she pulled me slightly as I stared the stewardess down for another brief moment before I picked my bag up from the train’s floor and followed Blair forward as she led us to a pair of seats.
She sat by the window while I took the aisle seat, slipping the bag underneath to keep it from bothering me. Never breaking our interlaced hands.
The same stewardess came back to verify our tickets, and she did it quickly and left, barely able to look us in the eyes.
Soon enough the train began moving, departing from the station, and for the first time in my life, it felt like everything was right.
The weight of the burden of so many years lifted, the punishments of my crimes paid, and now this was my reward for my suffering.
And after all of it, I would do it again just to be with her.
The woman who took a chance on me when no one else would— my guiding star in the darkness— was the one whose life I would make a paradise.
Blair, who was staring out of the window, suddenly turned her head at me, leaned in, stealing a quick kiss as she smiled. “Until the end of the world.” She sighed against my lips.
“Until forever, kotyonok.” I professed, never letting anyone take me away from her again.