32. Frannie
“I don’t knowwhat to do, Dad.” I sat on the barstool at the counter of my dad”s breakfast bar. I’d just finished telling him about what happened with Evan at the race. My dad topped off my coffee cup and set the carafe down on the counter.
“I can”t imagine what he”s going through right now,” Dad said.
“He”s afraid to let anyone in. He thinks he has to do everything by himself. How ridiculous is that?” I buried my head in my hands. Evan didn”t think of himself as a whole man. No matter how many times I tried to tell him and show him that he was enough for me, he didn”t believe it. “I told him he doesn”t need to do things by himself, that he can let people help him. I don”t know how to be with him if he won”t let me help.”
“Oh honey, that”s what you”ve always done. You”ve always been there for your mom, and you”ve always been there for me. I don”t know what we would have done without you, but you’ve got to start putting yourself first.”
“Making him happy is all I”ve ever wanted to do,” I said. “But he”ll never be happy unless he feels like he’s whole.”
Dad shook his head. “The only thing you can do is work on yourself. What”s going to make you happy, sweetheart?”
“That”s just it. Helping you makes me happy. Being a resource for the students and staff at school makes me happy. Being with Evan makes me happy. Helping others is how I let people know I love them.” Ugh. So many tears. I reached for the box of tissues and pulled another one from the top.
“You don’t have to do acts of service to show people you love them. The best way to make the people who love you happy is to make yourself happy.” Dad handed me another tissue and grabbed one for himself. “If that means cornering Evan Bishop until he believes you, so be it. You’ve always given so much of yourself to other people. Evan just wants to take care of you.”
“Why can’t we take care of each other?” I blew my nose, not caring that I sounded like a tuba that had been severely bent out of shape.
“Have I ever told you about the time I served in the Gulf War?”
“Yeah, Dad, I”ve heard the stories. You went surfing on the sand dunes and rode a camel. We even have the pictures and the photo album to prove it.” I didn’t know how my dad’s past had anything to do with the crisis I was experiencing. Maybe it had been a bad idea to head to his place.
“Those are the things I wanted you to know about the time I spent overseas. My scars might not be as obvious as Evan’s, but being deployed in a war zone changes a man. I came home a much different person than I was when I left your mom behind.” He shifted his stool closer to mine and set a comforting hand on my shoulder. “With the horrors I”ve seen, I can only imagine what Evan might have experienced. Stuff like that makes you want to protect the people you love. It”s got to be hard for a man like Evan who”s always been strong and capable to have to ask for help.”
“Then what can I do to support him?” I understood what my dad was saying, but I still didn”t have any ideas on how to handle Evan.
“Just be there for him. Let him know you”re there if he needs you. Right now, his pride is getting in the way. He”s trying to push you away. The best thing you can do is let him know that you”re not going anywhere and that you love him just the way he is.”
“I”ve told him that, though. He doesn”t need to change for me. I don”t care if he walks with a limp. All I care about is having him with me.”
“Do you think he”d see a therapist?” Dad asked.
“I can”t get him to talk to me. Do you really think he’d talk to a stranger?”
“Sometimes it”s easier to talk to someone you don”t have a relationship with. When I came back from Iran, I saw somebody once a week for almost a year. I also joined the veteran support group that helped me process everything I was feeling. If Evan is willing to go, that could be a great resource for him.”
“Why didn”t I know any of this?” I asked.
“You weren’t even born yet, sweetheart. Once you came along, I had something to live for again.”
“Oh, Dad.” I stood up from the stool and wrapped my arms around my father. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Frannie.”
With my cheek pressed against his sweater, I clung to my dad. The time I had with him was dwindling, which made me treasure the moments like this even more.
“It’s going to be okay. You and Evan will figure out a way through this and you’ll come out of it even stronger.”
I held onto those words and hoped with all my heart he was right.