49. ZARA
ZARA
I cursed when I came downstairs the next morning and found Eli waiting for me in the kitchen. I’d been expecting to have another half hour to psych myself up before anyone arrived.
“What have you done now, Zara?” he demanded the second he set eyes on me. “You’re not even supposed to be here, your text said you were with Nero.”
“I was with Nero. And now I’m home. Can we save the questions until the others get here? Then you can all have a wonderful time berating me together.”
“Zara, if you think I’m going to sit here for another half an hour before I find out what’s going on after you say something like that, you don’t know me as well as I thought you did. Now what have you done?”
“If I tell you before the others get here, you have to promise you won’t be mad at me.”
“That’s not how it works. I’m allowed to get mad at you if you’ve done something reckless.” He folded his arms and gave me a ‘get on with it’ look.
“I persuaded Gabriel to act as a go-between with Michael for me, and I made a deal with him.” He didn’t say a word, just stared at me waiting for me to go on.
“I promised I’d stay out of their hair if they promised not to hurt anyone I cared about.
I needed to make sure they wouldn’t hurt any of you.
And now I have their oath that they won’t. ”
“According to the message Raquel was told to give you, they weren’t going to hurt any of us unless you interfered anyway. So what’s changed?”
“It’s just a little more binding now that there’s an oath involved.”
“I see. And Gabriel arranged the entire deal for you, did he? Or did you have to meet with Michael?” Uh-oh. He was using that dangerously calm tone of his. The one that I’d come to recognise meant he was seconds from losing his shit.
“I met with him,” I admitted reluctantly. “But only briefly.”
“Alone?”
“No, of course not. Gabriel was there, and I had Nero for backup. I couldn’t let anyone else be put in danger because of me, Eli. I had to find a way to make sure they wouldn’t hurt any of you. And now I have their sworn oath that they won’t. So it’s all good.”
I’d already decided I wasn’t going to say anything about Gabriel taking me off to his realm. I’d come back in one piece, so the how and the where wasn’t important in the grand scheme of things.
“Now can you please save the rest of your questions until the others get here. The important thing is that we don’t have to worry about them hurting anyone now.” I should have known that was too much to hope for.
“I don’t see why your word to stay out of their business would be reason enough for them to agree to a binding oath. Not when they could just threaten us to ensure your compliance. So what were the exact terms of this deal?”
Dammit why did he have to start picking everything apart. “I already told you. I swore an oath that I won’t interfere in their affairs, and they agreed not to harm any of you. Oh, and I’m not allowed to try and incite any of you to interfere either.”
“Now we’re getting to it. What happens if any of us do decide to interfere in their affairs?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” I admitted. “But you’ve already agreed not to do anything, so it doesn’t really matter. All I know for certain is that I’m not allowed to encourage you to do anything or I’ll be the one who gets punished for it if you do.”
I took a step back as his eyes turned red and let out a little scream as his fist struck the wall behind him before I’d even clocked that he was moving, leaving behind a little dent. Fuck. This was going even worse than I’d expected.
“For fuck's sake, Zara. What possessed you to make a deal like that? Was it because of me? Because I was worried about Rachel and Jules? Did you go running off and put yourself in danger because of that?”
“Not just because of you, no. Because of all of you. I never meant to drag any of you into this, but I did and that’s on me.
I saw how worried you were for Rachel and Jules yesterday.
And not just worried, angry too. And it was my fault.
How could I not do anything in my power to make things right? ”
“Oh, Zara, you just don’t get it do you?” He looked so disappointed in me I wanted to cry. “We are all in this together. Yes, I was worried. And angry. But not at you. You are not to blame for any of what has happened. I thought you understood that.”
“I am to blame though. I was the one who kept pestering Gabriel to bring Seth back. I’m the reason Michael felt the need to threaten you in the first place.” I was about to tell him that I’d also managed to get Michael to agree to a visit from Seth as part of our deal when Phoebe and Jed arrived.
“So what’s going on? What’s Zara been up to now?” Phoebe’s smile disappeared when she saw me fighting back tears and Eli’s tight expression. “Zara?” I shook my head and hoped she wouldn’t press the issue. “Eli?”
“Best wait for the others,” he said shortly, getting up and walking over to refill his coffee mug without even glancing at me.
“I think he’s done with me, Phoebe,” I managed to choke out.
“What? Don’t be such a drama queen. Eli adores you.” A mug of coffee landed on the table in front of me with a thump.
“I’m not done with you, Zara. But I am very, very angry with you right now.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, turning my head away as I felt my face start to crumple.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, come here.” He hauled me out of my seat and wrapped his arms around me and I curled into him, finally giving way to the emotions that had been building up in me since my meeting with the Watchers yesterday.
“I could never be done with you,” he said once I’d pulled myself together, and the tenderness in his voice nearly started me off again, “but I hate that you have put yourself in danger for us. You have got to learn to let the rest of us help you instead of running off and doing stupid shit like that on your own.”
“Exactly what kind of stupid shit has she been doing now?”
Oh great, now Jed was going to go all bossy guardian on me. Again. Eli gave me an encouraging squeeze before he let go of me so I could sit back down.
“I think it would be best if we wait until everyone’s here before we talk about it any more,” he said. “Zara needs a few minutes to drink her coffee and pull herself together.”
I managed to whisper a croaky little “thank you” as he sat down next to me, then sipped miserably at my coffee while we waited in tense silence for the others to arrive.
“So that’s about the size of it. I’ve sworn an oath to give up on any ideas of rescuing Seth – and promised that I won’t try and get anyone else to do it either - and in return they’ve sworn an oath not to harm any of you.
I know you don’t like it,” I shot an apologetic look at Eli, “I don’t like it either.
But it was the right thing to do. And they also agreed that—"
“You missed the part where if we do anything they consider interference you’ll be the one to pay the price.”
“WHAT?” Jed shot up from his chair at Eli’s words.
“So you’re telling me,” he didn’t look any more impressed than Eli had been, “that after refusing my protection in Avalon and leading me to believe you intended to stay with Nero, you left the safety of the wards and orchestrated a meeting with Michael without telling me, or any other member of this team, what you were planning to do, so you could swear an oath that by association binds us too? Is that why you were so adamant that you wouldn’t come back to Avalon with me?
Because you were already hatching your little plot? For fuck's sake, Zara!”
“Jed, that’s not fair. I—”
“Not fair? I’ll tell you what’s not fair, Zara.
Running off and putting yourself in danger like that when I’m responsible for your safety.
That’s not fair. Making decisions that affect all of us without even consulting us.
That’s not fair. Putting us in a position where we may one day have to choose between keeping you safe and helping Seth. That’s not fair.”
The only time I’d ever heard Jed raise his voice before was when Aleric had kidnapped Phoebe, and I couldn’t help shrinking back in my chair even though I knew he’d never hurt me.
“You’re not giving me a chance to finish explaining.” I forced myself to speak calmly, even though I’d have liked nothing more than to yell back at him. “And Eli is totally misinterpreting what I told him.” I shot Eli a glare that had absolutely no effect on his stony expression.
“The terms I agreed to were that I won’t try and influence anyone else to get involved with what’s going on in the Underworld, or I’ll be the one to pay the price.
That is not at all the same as you deciding to do it on your own.
No one is stopping you from doing anything.
Not that you had any intention of doing anything anyway,” I added bitterly.
I stood up ready to bolt for the safety of my apartment. I’d expected them to be pissed off, but not to this extent, and I wasn’t going to sit here any longer being told off.
“Sit down, Zara, I haven’t finished talking to you.”
“Well I’ve finished listening to you.”
I left them sitting there in shocked silence, just catching Phoebe’s sad little “oh, Jed” before I closed the door on them and the world.
I’d barely had time to sit down before Phoebe and Terrah were knocking on the door demanding to be let in. Sighing I stood up again and unlocked the door, knowing if I didn’t they’d probably start trying to kick it down.
“If you’ve come to have a go at me as well, don’t bother. I already feel bad enough.” I was so miserable I wasn’t even crying, and that was a first for me lately. It seemed like I’d shed more tears in the last few weeks than in my entire life before we unlocked the Prophecy.
“We’re not here to have a go at you. We’re your moral support squad.”
I looked at Phoebe in surprise. “Aren’t you mad at me as well?”