35. 35
If someone were to ask me for the one, most important piece of advice I would give to anyone looking to go on a reality show, it would be this: never let your guard down.
I had been so caught up in my situation with Callum that part of me forgot there was a television show the producers needed to keep entertaining for six full weeks.
Just because we had finally, in our own way, sorted things out, didn’t mean that we could coast along.
No, that wouldn’t be good for the viewing public.
Drama leads to more eyes on screens, which in turn leads to more advertising dollars spent and more revenue for the network.
It didn’t matter what country you were in: money was money, and Bella Amore was the network’s shining profit machine.
As Gemma chatted away in front of us girls, I cast my mind back to everything I could remember about Chateau Desire.
Five new boys would be brought into the villa for three days.
Our boys would be sent to a new villa—or a “chateau” if you were to go with name of the whole schtick—where five new girls awaited them.
Games would be played, boundaries would be crossed, and temptations would arise, testing each Bella’s commitment and devotion to their original match.
After three days, the boys would walk back into the villa, one by one, either alone and ready to reunite with their original gal or part of a new match with a new girl.
There was always some shocking re-matching that ended up happening: a normally committed guy walks in with a new girl on his arm, sending the girl awaiting his return into a heap of tears.
It happened one way or another every season, without fail.
My stomach tightened at the thought of Callum walking in with someone else. Ignoring what that meant on any level beyond the surety of our agreement, I turned my attention back to Gemma, just as she was singling me out.
“Poppy, you and Callum seemed to be getting along really well this week. How are you feeling?” she asked.
I felt all the cameras in the room swivel toward me.
Showtime.
“Cal and I have grown a lot closer and had a really great week, so this is not ideal, but I trust him and I’m not worried,” I said, nodding and smiling and trying not to show that I was freaking out inside.
“Do you think your head could be turned by another bloke?” she asked back.
“Nope, not at all.” I smiled and held my breath, hoping she wouldn’t press me.
I was one more question away from having all my doubts and the jumble of thoughts in my head spill out.
I needed to get it together, needed a moment to collect myself.
But I knew, even as I thought it, that would be impossible.
A million what ifs crossed my mind as Gemma turned her attention to the other girls.
Of the five of us, me, Ella and Chiara were in solid matches, Samantha was in a new pairing, and Olivia was in a friendship match.
The labels didn’t matter, though. As anyone who had ever watched a Chateau Desire episode knew, it was a time when all bets were off. When anything could, and did, happen.
“Well girls, I think you’ve been waiting long enough,” Gemma said, standing. “Are you ready to meet your new roommates?”
We all stood, Olivia and Samantha the only ones cheering out in excitement. Chiara and Ella were just as subdued as me.
As we followed Gemma down the hall and back out to the garden, I found myself walking next to Ella.
Our newfound friendship was tenuous at best, and because I had been trying to sell things with Callum so much over the last week, I hadn’t spent a lot of time around her.
Still, I remembered her kindness to me back when Sara was being awful.
So, as we walked out into the garden and the five new cast members came into view, I reached out and squeezed her hand in solidarity. We would get through this together.
Ella squeezed back, and we walked hand in hand toward the night’s new reality.
***
Five new boys stood around the fire pit.
Looking at them, I had to admit that Casting Director Harriet was annoyingly good at her job. I could picture her doing a deep social media dive on each of these men, recruiting the five hottest guys she could possibly find. Each one of them standing before me was strikingly good looking.
I suppose that was why Chateau Desire always caused so much upheaval; drop in five new dreamboats and watch what happens. It was like a volcanic science experiment that would eventually go boom.
“Ladies, please sit between the new guys around the fire pit,” a producer called out through the speakers. Gemma moved to take her mark at the edge of the round deck. The cameramen who were inside hadn’t followed us out here. Guess we were back to the good old hidden cameras.
“All set, Gemma,” the same producer sounded through the speaker. It was as close to calling “Action” as the show was going to get.
Gemma didn’t miss a beat and immediately launched into her dialogue.
“Ladies, I’d like you to meet the brand-new Bellas.”
We looked around, taking in the new faces.
“For the next few days, you’ll get to know each other, and on Sunday, you’ll be faced with a choice: stick with the person you are currently matched with or choose to pair up with one of these guys.” She looked around the fire pit, trying to impress upon us the gravity of our future decision.
The weight of that choice, even though it was days away, hung in the air.
Gemma pressed on. “I’m going to leave you all to get better acquainted. Have fun and I’ll see you on Sunday.”
She turned, sashaying away across the garden and back into the villa. Part of me wished she could take me with her.
It was silent for a moment, no one knowing quite what to do until the tall, blond guy at the end of the circle spoke up. “Well! Shall we kick this party off?”
The rest of the guys let out hoots of encouragement, Olivia and Samantha echoing them as well. We all stood then, exchanging hugs and making introductions.
It would most likely take me all night to remember everyone’s names, but collectively I knew they were Mike, Sam, Tom, Louis, and Greg.
So far, they were all nice enough, but I couldn’t quite wrap my head around just how quickly the original boys had been taken out and the new guys slotted in.
It was as if I had suddenly found myself in some kind of alternate universe where they were the ones we had been with over the past month.
The producers instructed us to chat with the new guys in small groups, so I floated from one conversation to the next with Chiara and Ella at my side. It felt like being back to week one, trying to find my footing while maintaining engaging small talk at the same time.
After what felt like hours of roundabout chatting, I excused myself to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and have a moment of peace. The kettle had just dinged when a voice sounded out behind me.
“Hiya,” it said. I turned to find one of the new Bellas standing before me. Was this Mike or Louis?
“Hi!” I said, racking my brain to remember which one he was. He didn’t seem to pick up on my mental hiccup.
“You alright?” he asked, coming to lean against the kitchen counter next to me.
“Yeah, all good. Just making some tea,” I replied.
“Sweet, sweet. Look, I just wanted to come over here for a bit of a chat, one on one,” he said, edging closer to me.My heart sank as he continued to lean in farther.
I knew what this was, saw what he was doing.
He was trying to get to know me and see if I would be worth pursuing.
It was literally his only purpose in being in here, to find someone to match with.
But I couldn’t risk any hint of a suggestion that the person he should be with was me. I needed to shut it down while I could.
“Oh, nice!” I said, trying to be cordial while also indicating with the high octave of my voice that I was very much not interested.
It didn’t work.
“I just wanted to say I think you’re absolutely smashing. Just bang on my type.”
“That’s so sweet.” Did I need to be more direct? My grasp on the situation was slipping away by the second.
“Would you be interested in getting to know me and seeing where things go?”
I suppressed a groan, swallowing it down and trying to keep the smile on my face in place. I would never even entertain the idea of picking him over Callum, but I felt bad rejecting someone when they had only been in the villa for a few hours.
Looking up at the guy whose name I still couldn’t remember, I was about to reply with a nicely worded, ambiguous answer that would make him feel okay without committing myself to anything real.
And then I looked into his eyes, and my response died on my tongue.
I didn’t want to get to know him. Not for the cameras or because that’s what we were supposed to do during Chateau Desire or to be nice.
I realized, with startling clarity, that I was tired of sparing other people’s feelings at the expense of my own.
It had been a pattern in my past, acquiescing to what others wanted to make life easier; not to rock the boat or cause conflict or take up more space in the world than I believed I should have.
I took the back seat time and time again.
For old bosses. For my ex. For anyone and everyone who had ever needed anything, big or small.
But now, standing in the outdoor kitchen while being recorded by no less than five hidden cameras, I realized I didn’t want to be that girl anymore.
“Look,” I started out, unsure of where I was going but confident in how the conversation would end. “You seem like a really nice guy. Honestly, you do.”
He smiled at me, but I could see the openness in his eyes begin to shutter as he caught on to what I was about to say.
“But I really like Callum, and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize our relationship.”
“No worries, mate,” Mike/Louis said. He was surprisingly upbeat for someone who had just been rejected. “Enjoy your cuppa,” he said and then walked off, heading into the garden and toward whoever was next on his list of potential connections.
Leaning back against the kitchen counter, I let out a breath. I had done it. I didn’t people please at the expense of myself and what I really wanted. It felt good. Heck, for such a small act it felt incredible.
As I sipped my tea, I let my mind wander to the other realization I had upon rejecting Mike/Louis; one that had the power to upend my situation in the villa.
I hadn’t lied.
I really did like Callum.
Not just as a friend; not as someone I was participating in a get-rich-quick scheme with.
No, I liked him liked him.
I gripped the edge of the kitchen counter, trying to steady myself against the whirlwind that was my brain at that current moment.
Having any kind of feelings about Callum was a can of worms I did not want to open, especially when we had come this far, but I couldn’t deny that at some point in the last week the feeling of seeing him as more had crept up on me.
Now that I voiced it to myself, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized it sooner.
I tried to shove it down the rest of the night. Tried to be engaging and present with the girls and the new boys. I chatted at the fire pit, played Truth or Dare with the group, did laps around the garden; all as if it was any other cocktail party on any other night.
Once the evening’s festivities were over, Ella, Chiara, and I chose to sleep outside in the garden instead of sharing a bed with a new boy.
We schlepped a few extra duvet covers out and spread them across the daybeds, getting cozy and settling in for the night.
For a while, I was able to get caught up in chatting with them about the day’s turn of events and what we thought about the new boys.
But girl talk eventually turned to the boys over in Chateau Desire, and then there was no escaping it. Thoughts of Callum flooded in as we wondered what they were doing and who the new girls were.
Even after our chatter died down and Chiara and Ella fell asleep, I couldn’t turn my brain off.
As I lay on the daybed looking up at the bright stars, there was nothing left to distract me from the jarring realization that I was actually developing feelings for Callum.
Real, non-reality television feelings.
I didn’t fall asleep for hours.