Chapter 19 The Shed #2
The jiggling of the door handle stopped, and my breath was coming too fast. I didn’t understand the anxiety that riddled my being. “Hello?” The boy’s voice sounded like a distant dream; it was so beautiful. Maybe it was hearing someone else in the month or so I had been alone.
I blinked at the door, still afraid he and it would disappear and it would be Daddy.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I returned the knock, just once. I didn’t know where this sudden fear came from, but I just kind of stood there stunned.
Another knock sounded, and a shadow darkened the underside of the door. “Hello? Can you hear me?” He asked, the sound much clearer now.
I placed my hands on the floor as I got into a crouch.
My whole body shook with nerves as I saw the tuft of brownish black and the grey eye that peered into my space.
I gasped, sitting upright, my knees pulled to my chest. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m Cole.
” He spoke into the crack. The thud of my heartbeat increased as I fought to calm it.
I couched back down and peered at him. I didn’t dare speak, not sure if I sounded coherent enough to anyway.
Swallowing thickly, I stared into his eye; he stared right back, unafraid.
“There you are, I knew I saw something shining light in my eyes, did you do that?” He urged.
I nodded. A half smile broke across his face, or what small part of his face I could see.
“What’s your name?” He asked, and I shook my head, unwilling to give him further information.
He frowned and then smiled again. I was confused.
“Can you at least open the door?” He asked after a moment of thought.
I shook my head no. I didn’t have the key to the lock.
Only Daddy had the keys, and it had been so long.
“That’s okay, I think I can help with that,” His face broke into another goofy grin, and I blinked in confusion.
“ I’ll be back I promise.” He disappeared.
A single tear leaked out as I stared through the crack.
Please come back. Time ticked by; the day became long.
I didn’t know when I moved off the floor, but I felt the soreness from my body when I finally moved.
He’s not coming back. He didn’t exist. You imagined it. Stupid little girl.
I made my way back to the bathroom. The floor scattered with broken mirror shards, and Momma’s blonde hair shone back at me as I stared.
You don’t deserve to wear her hair. You are nothing.
I tried picking up the pieces but caught my finger on a sharp corner and dropped the mirror as a blood drop beaded and formed on my finger.
I stared at it in awe. So bright red, it glistened in the setting sun.
The blood winked at me like it was alive before falling down my finger to the palm of my hand.
I stuck my finger in my mouth before the blood drop could escape.
I didn’t want the blood to taint the floor.
It was too pure for that. I sucked on my finger.
The coppery tang only intensified my hunger, but I knew the cut had to be healed.
When I pulled my finger away, the sunlight had waned. It got like that sometimes. I would blink, and it was already sunset. It was strange but comforting. I didn’t have to be present for every waking moment despite being awake.
I sat on the floor with my legs crossed.
The spot was well worn, but it was mine.
From that spot I could count every board in the shed, and then I would count them backwards.
It gave my mind a way to focus. I was on board number forty when the doorknob rattled again.
I jumped. My anxiety had me hiding behind the sofa’s edge as I peeked at the door handle.
It would bite me if I let it, I knew it.
What I didn’t expect was for it to open.
Cole’s triumphing smile as he pulled back the cotter pin had me catching my breath. His smile was so fresh, so full of trust. I was barely peeking over the sofa edge, and he hadn’t seen me yet.
“Hello, are you still in here?” He’s voice laced with concern when I didn’t reveal myself right away.
I was so unsure. This was strange; I hadn’t been around people in so long.
What if I fucked up? I rose slowly from my hiding spot, my eyes wide at the appearance of the boy in Daddy’s space. No. My space.
“Hi there,” he smiled towards me, a hand outstretched.
I stared at it before looking at him. He was so tall, so fit.
I was afraid I had fallen off the shelf and was in some daydream, my knight having saved me.
It felt like a trick. I ducked behind the sofa again.
My back pressed against the surface as I held my knees to my chest. I couldn’t catch a breath.
It was all too fast. Tears streamed down my face as I cried.
Was he real? Am I dead? What is happening?
I heard floorboards five and seven shift, and I sniffled, pulling myself out of the spiral.
Then I heard board thirty and twenty-eight move as he continued toward me, to board number eighteen.
I froze as he stood in front of me. With my eyes wide in fear and when he reached out towards me, I flinched.
He paused, letting me have my space, my safety, my cocoon of my own limbs. He slowly sat down in front of me, not saying anything. With his legs crossed, his expression open, he waited for me. He wanted me to join him, but I wasn’t so sure I could. He was a stranger in my space.
“I’m sorry,” he said after we sat in silence for ages.
I didn’t know how long we stared at each other.
It was weird. I wondered why he was apologizing to me.
Did he think he owed me the apology? My mind raced with scenarios as I tried to think why he would say I am sorry.
No one says sorry unless they get told to …
or was that what Momma said once? I didn’t know.
I swallowed my saliva coating my sore throat as I asked, “Why?”
Cole’s eyes lit up at my voice, but he didn’t jump up; he remained calm, and on my level. It was nice. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I told you I would be right back and I was late. I’m sorry for that,” he said.
Oh, that wasn’t really long though; it was only a few minutes, but as I looked towards the window, I knew it was sunset.
It was sunny when I saw him. “Would you like to see something cool?” I nodded.
I didn’t know why. Maybe it was the delirium setting in, maybe I would wake up from a coma or something and Daddy would explain to me it was all fake.
Cole didn’t seem fake, though. He stood up again and held out his hand.
I unfolded mine and began stretching it to grab his.
My arm shook, and I could see how thin it was compared to his.
It made me feel strange, like I wasn’t right.
That I was the problem. He didn’t comment; he just smiled and waited, hand outstretched.
When my hand made contact with his warm, soft grasp, I jerked back. He was real. He wasn’t a fake. He was real. Tears streamed down my eyes again and I furiously wiped them away. I took his hand, and he gently pulled the rest of me up.
Our hands were clasped; it was nice. He was very warm. It was like someone had stuffed the sun into him, and he wasn’t enough to contain it. He started walking and pulled me along. I had to struggle to match his longer legs. When we got to the door’s threshold, I stopped.
“It’s okay, I’ll make sure you are back before you know it,” He held out his pinky. “I promise.” I nodded, locking my pinky with his.