Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
SHANE
It has been two days since the garden incident, and I hadn’t heard from Margo, so I’d almost forgotten about it.
Willa has been so much quieter than usual.
I know it’s still weighing on her mind, and I’d give anything to make her feel better, but I can’t promise that it was inconsequential.
Because I know that Summer told Margo about it when they Skyped. And because I know Margo.
I know why Margo is Skyping me right now.
And I know that no matter what my feelings are for Willa, no matter how much my kids adore her, this nanny job was always going to end for her eventually.
She is taking the kids to school, and I have about an hour before I have to leave for another day of photo shoots and interviews. I have to take this call.
“Hello, Margo,” I say once the video is connected on my phone. She isn’t in costume, and I can see that she’s in her hotel room. She is frowning me. “What’s up?”
“Well, let me tell you what’s up, Shane, in case you don’t already know. Willa lost our children when they were at a garden the other day, while she was busy texting with you.”
“Yes. She feels terrible about it. But, as you know, she found them. They’re fine.”
“So you do know about it?”
“Willa told me about it as soon as I came home. She was really upset about it.”
“And you didn’t think it was necessary to talk to me about it?”
“That’s what we’re doing now, isn’t it?”
“Shane. If this were anyone else, you wouldn’t have hesitated to discuss it with me—the mother of your children.”
“Kids first. I talked to the twins about it. I know that Summer told you about it. You and I are talking about it now. Why don’t you cut to the chase?”
“I’ve spent the last day getting in touch with the nanny agency.
Margarita is available to start now, so I’ve hired her.
Her employment as our nanny begins tomorrow.
I’m paying for the first month, but she’ll stay with you.
And don’t tell me you don’t need her to stay with you—I know how busy you are for the next couple of weeks.
I’ll forward her contact information, as well as the contract for you to sign.
You should call Margarita to arrange a time for her to go to your house.
As per your wishes, I have not communicated with Willa to let her know that she has been replaced as the twins’ nanny. I’ll leave that to you.”
“You are aware that the twins are going to be devastated if she leaves this abruptly?”
“Yes, I am. And if you play your cards right, maybe she won’t leave.”
I’m about to spew something biting and sarcastic and then I realize what she just said.
My ex isn’t giving me the holier than thou look I was expecting.
It’s the I know you better than you think look that I usually give her.
“Wait. What? What are you saying?”
“I saw the way you looked at her. You never looked at me that way. Not when we first got together. Not even during our love scenes on the show.” She wipes a tear from her eye.
Holy shit. She’s crying.
“I don’t even know why I’m crying. That’s not true. It’s not about you—get that look off your face. It’s because I know how much the kids love her too.”
Well, shit. Now she’s really crying.
“And I don’t want them to love her more than they love me.” She covers her face, and her whole damn body is shaking
Well, fuck. That never occurred to me. For the second time ever, Margo Quincey has surprised me.
“Marg…you’ll always be their mother. You can’t be replaced by anyone, any more than I was replaced by Landon.”
She wipes her eyes and blows her nose. “Yeah, but Willa’s so much more lovable than Landon is.”
We both laugh at that. “True.”
“Maybe if you guys aren’t so worried about hiding your relationship from the kids, you’ll both be a little more clearheaded.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
“But if anything ever happens to my children because of her—”
“It could have happened with either of us, you know that.”
“Look, I don’t want to create trouble. I’m trying to make things easier for everyone. I do like Willa, Shane. And not just because she designed an amazing perfume for me. I like her for you. I could see us all going on family vacations together one day. I hope you don’t fuck it up.”
“That’s very Gwyneth of you, Margo. Thanks. I hope I don’t fuck it up too.”
“I think we should tell the kids together, you and I, on a Skype call after they get home from school.”
“I won’t be home until dinner my time.”
“We’ll work it out. Bye.” She ends the call.
And that is why I’m friends with my ex-wife.
I put my phone away and go downstairs to take a look at the lower level of the house, where the laundry room and my workout area is.
There’s room for a workspace for Willa. She could stay in my room and mix her perfumes down here.
Or she could turn the guest room into an office.
I think it should be pretty easy for her to see that this is a good thing—the early termination of her position as a nanny.
She’ll be able to get on with the very important business of creating and selling perfume and being my girlfriend.
And sleeping in my bed. Without hiding it from the kids or anyone else.
I can’t fucking wait for her to get home.
Fortunately, I don’t have to wait long.
As soon as she’s through the door from the garage, I take her in my arms.
She drops her purse and wraps her arms around me. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I’m not going to let go of her until she understands that she doesn’t have to leave. “Drop-off went okay?”
“Yeah, I dropped them off at a 7-Eleven. Is that cool? They should be able to find their way to school eventually.” She buries her face in my chest, shaking her head. At least she’s able to make jokes again, even if she doesn’t find them funny.
“They’re really smart. They’ll figure it out.
I need to talk to you about something.” When I feel her loosening her grip, I hold on tighter.
“Margo called just now. Summer told her about what happened at the garden, and she decided to hire Margarita to start tomorrow. She isn’t mad. She just thinks it would be better if—”
“I’m going to go to New York for the job interview,” she blurts out. She hugs me so tight, the side of her face flat against my chest. I can’t tell if she’s happy or consoling me or hugging me good-bye.
“What?”
“The lab technician job I told you about last month?” Her voice is shaky now. “There’s still one position left, and they’re holding it for me. There aren’t many people in the US who are as qualified as I am.”
“What about your own business?”
“I’ll close my Etsy store for a few days and then figure things out after the interview.”
“Willa. I want you to know that you can stay here. Even when the new nanny is here. I want you to stay here, if you want to. You can use the guest room as an office, or I’ll set up a workspace for you downstairs.”
She grabs my face and kisses me on the mouth, and as always, I can’t say or do anything other than kiss her. It’s all I want to do. I can feel how hard it is for her to pull away from me when she does, and that’s how I know how important it is to her to be able to pull away from me.
“Thank you. I need to go. I have to.” Her eyes are shiny and about to spill over. Uncertainty flickers across her pretty face.
I want to tell her not to go, plead my case.
I know exactly what to say and do, how to look at her, the tone of voice to use, to get her to say she’ll stay.
God knows, if I were twenty-one and it was just her and me, I probably would.
But I don’t want her to resent me for manipulating her.
I know why she needs to go. I can’t blow off my work responsibilities today or next week, so I can’t ask her to.
She’s a perfumer. It’s what she’s wanted to be since she was twelve. I’m a performer. I’ve been giving things up for my career since I was a child. Even when I have to give up seeing my kids all the time for a few months, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to see them.
Still.
I don’t want her to choose anything else over me or my kids.
But I have to let her choose.
“It sounds like a great opportunity for you.”
“I think I should say good-bye to the kids tonight instead of in the morning before school.”
Jesus. This girl is giving me whiplash again.
“Yeah. I agree. The kids will miss you. I will miss you.”
“I’ll stay with my brother.”
“But you can always come back here if it doesn’t work out. Or come back just because you want to. Just come back.”
She nods and gulps back some sad little sound, picking her purse up from the floor and running to her room. The door clicking shut echoes all through the house. Just a hint of how empty this place will feel when she’s gone.
I did not see this coming.
I can’t even think about how much I’ll hate not having her around, even for a few days, because the twins are going to take this so hard.
I vaguely remember when my only problem was that I had insomnia, no nanny, two kids who took up all my time and energy, and no love life to look forward to.
Now all of a sudden, I’ve got an upcoming press junket and movie premiere, two nannies, two kids, three broken hearts to look forward to, and the terrible knowledge that the only woman I can see myself spending the rest of my life with needs to be able to see herself living her life without me.
I get it.
I fucking hate it.
But I get her. Even when she surprises me and knocks the wind out of me, I understand Willa Todd. Even if I give her everything that I can give her, she needs to know that she can concoct something that will make her feel like she’s in control of her world and her heart.
So all I can do is try to figure out how to explain all of that to two five-year-olds.