Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
LUKE
“ I don’t think us coming here was a good idea,” Erin tells me as we pull up at my parents’ ranch.
Seeing the look of disappointment in my father’s eyes hurt like hell.
I shouldn’t have struck him as hard as I did; I shouldn’t have struck him at all.
It’s just that when it comes to her, I have no fuckin’ control.
“I told you, you should have stayed at home,” I tell her, getting out the truck and slamming the door in frustration.
I calm myself as I walk around the hood to open Erin’s door for her.
I have to remain calm - try and patch things up best I can.
But if my old man thinks he can disrespect her again, he’ll see how intolerant I am to that bullshit.
“Your dad's truck’s not here.” Erin looks around the yard, sounding worried, and when I step up onto the porch, I can tell by the way Mom greets us that she has no idea what's happened.
“I thought that sounded like your truck.” She stretches up to kiss my cheek.
“And don’t you look pretty.” She complements Erin before she kisses her, too, opening the door wider so we can both step inside.
I take a deep breath and head inside, preparing to see that look of disappointment all over again.
I’m used to seeing it from Dad, but never from her.
I already know how much it’s gonna hurt.
“I’m sorry, your dad isn’t home yet. He had somewhere to be, but I’m sure he’ll be back any minute.
Take a seat,” Mom offers, rushing to the kitchen and bringing out a tray.
“I made lemonade; it used to be your favorite, remember?” She smiles as she pours me a glass from the jug, and I can’t take it anymore.
“Mom, we know why Dad’s late, and me and Erin have something to tell you.
” I place the glass she hands me down on the table and take hold of Erin’s hand.
“Since Matthew passed, the two of us have grown close,” I explain, looking to Erin and seeing how nervous she is.
“In fact, we’ve found that the connection between us is… erm…”
“It's about time.” Mom shocks us both when she laughs, pouring out another glass and handing it to Erin.
“Mom, what I’m saying is that the two of us–”
“I know what you're saying, son. I may need to have my cataracts done, but I’m not blind.” She giggles.
“But aren’t you mad?” Erins asks, her eyes all pretty and confused.
“Mad about my son falling in love with a girl that I already know I love like a daughter? Mad to know that the woman Matthew left behind is gonna be loved and adored? What's there to be mad about…and what does this have to do with your father being late home?” Now it’s Mom who’s looking confused.
“Dad doesn’t share your opinion. He stopped by the house about half an hour ago and caught us in a situation that he wasn’t prepared for,” I try explaining it in the politest way I can.
“I see.” Mom rests back in her chair thoughtfully.
“He said something unkind about Erin, and I struck him for it.” I hang my head, knowing I should have handled it better.
“You struck your father?” Mom shocks me again when she starts to laugh.
“I always told him one day you’d surprise him.” She shakes her head.
“Mary, Luke feels awful about it, so do I. We’re sorry about the way he found out, and I’m not surprised by how he reacted. We were hoping he’d be here so we could talk it out,” Erin explains, still sounding nervous.
“There’s something else you need to know, Mom.” I grip Erin’s hand a little tighter.
“Let me guess, that test you tried telling me wasn’t yours, actually was?” Mom smiles cleverly, and we both laugh a nervous laugh.
“I’m sorry, Mary, I just wanted to come to terms with it myself.” I know Erin’s lying to cover for Liza, but I figure a little white lie never hurt anyone.
“Matthew’s?” Mom checks, and when Erin nods, she bursts into tears; happy tears that make me wanna put my fist through the wall.
“This is the best outcome; the two of you together raising this baby. Your father may not think it now, but he’ll come around.
” She gets up and squashes herself between us, wrapping an arm around each of our shoulders.
“Matthew would want this, too.” She smiles, and when the door opens and Dad steps inside, I hate knowing that the bruise coming out on his cheek came from me.
“I see they shared the good news,” he mumbles, heading to the kitchen and reaching for the whiskey bottle.
“Yes, they did, and I couldn’t be happier.” Mom stands up and shows her allegiance.
“Dad, can we step outside and talk?” I ask, getting up on my feet.
“I think that's a good idea.” He takes a long swig from the bottle before heading back out the door, making the storm door rattle as it slams behind him.
“Do you love her?” he asks, looking stern as he sits on the rocking chair Matthew made him as a school project.
“I loved her before Matthew did,” I admit, even though the words taste bitter in my mouth. Matthew never loved her at all, and I was a second away from telling him that back at the house. Ruining the vision he’s got of the perfect son.
“Then why the hell did you let your brother marry her?” he asks.
“Because I didn’t think I was good enough.” I lower my head.
“Yeah, well, you weren't wrong.” He shakes his head and huffs a laugh.
“You know, that right there is probably why,” I call him out.
“You always compared me to him; put me down, told me I had to do better. I was never as good as Matthew in your eyes. I was never gonna be, no matter what I did, and I can’t pinpoint the exact moment that it happened, but I stopped trying to be.
” I look the old bastard in the eye as I tell him some home truths.
“I was my own person, Dad. I didn’t want to be a rancher.
I didn’t even wanna stay in Fork River, but you put me down so much.
You chipped away at me until I thought I was good for nothing. ”
“Excuses,” he spits the word out at me cruelly. “And if you don’t wanna be here, why the fuck are you shacking up with your brother's wife?” he asks with that same look of disgust on his face as he had back at the house.
“Because she needed me. Because she believed in me, and because I love her. This town is her home. She likes it here, so if I have to be a rancher, I’ll be one. If I have to be a damn astronaut, I’ll find my way to the fuckin’ moon.” I stand over him.
“Do you have any idea what it takes to be a father? It takes dedication and hard work; you gotta put that little person before yourself, and anything else. Are you prepared to do that for another man's child?” he asks.
“I’m prepared to do that for her.” I give him my answer, and when it silences him, I sit down on Mom’s chair and wait for him to give me his conclusion.
“And what do you think folks are gonna say?” He rocks the chair and takes out his pipe.
“I don’t care what folks say; the only people whose opinions matter to us are you and Mom.
We were gonna tell you tonight, and we were nervous as hell, because we love you, and I wish you had just a fraction of a clue how much.
” I think about the secret me and Erin chose to keep so they can sleep at night.
“Your mom has spent her whole day preparing for tonight. I won’t have her hard work go to waste,” he tells me. “If you can live with what you're doing, then so can I. I won’t lose another son.” He stands up and starts making his way inside.
“We’re not committing a sin, Dad; we’re two people who love each other.” He stops in his tracks and turns back around.
“I sure hope your brother feels the same way,” he tells me before continuing inside.